The Nightmares Before Mother's Day

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Heya, got a bunch of things here including nightmares that I had the morning of Mother's Day. These are the nightmares

The first one started when I recall waking up someplace outside of my grandma's house, and going into my grandma's house. Everything seemed to be okay for the moment until someone started tearing up the place with a chainsaw cutting square and rectangle holes through ceilings. The next thing that I recall is people going upstairs to phone police or something and I followed upstairs. I ended up jumping a banister to avoid getting my feet whacked by the chainsaw coming through the floor, and soon saw the lights flickering on and off like something is happening to the electric.

Then I was in my grandma's room and were talking about being forced to get out of there, and by the time we got back downstairs, there was a lot of damage like half the house was destroyed and all seem quiet. I was going into the completely destroyed south room and turning off the light going down to the basement. After that, we were leaving, but as we were just about to leave, someone went back in and wanted to get sentimental items out of the attic. And after that, the dream ended.

I have told my mom of this first dream as it was pretty bad and she said that grandma's house in the dream probably represents the "House of Kane" being that it is in most of my dreams about Kane Fox, my spirit friend. And the destruction happening means that my mind or spiritual beliefs are being torn apart from what recently happened (explained further in this message).

The next bad dream that I had this morning is that I remember coming out of somewhere and was in a mascott costume that was over padded or stuffed as it was like a plushie. I went down an alley way and then down a street trying to move to get away from something. After that, the next thing I recall was that I was inside somewhere, don't believe I was still in the mascott costume, and there was this small light brown haired girl who was apparently named Macey. Here, she appeared to have a very like green shirt and light blue girly pants with overalls, and was wanting to play with me. But then someone wanted me to lead her out of there back through to worldly gateways back to the forest village.

I was about to do that, when Macey went back out of the room I was in, down the hall, and back into her room. Here, I was trying to get her to come back out to come with me, and she did and was wanting to play with me. Soon it was time for me to leave again to get back to the forest village, and she went back in her room again just before I woke up.

And to what might have contributed to all of this goes way back a couple weeks ago when I was looking for new rl mentors, guides, sensais, etc. who would care to help me along the path of life since the ones that I had before aren't around anymore and that I feel alone. In this one spiritual/metaphysics chatroom, I was mentioning a dream that I had around the time that was about someone being handcuffed and crusified to a stake and was left as a scarecrow. And just before that, accidently came across webpages about the Bible Code indicating that comets and asteroids are going to hit earth in 2006-2007. Then another webpage referring to astrology, planetary conjunctions, the mayan calander, and the pyramids having a simular chart, and an uninhabited earth in 2039.

The talk about the demensions and the shape of a pyramid (or the shape of two pyramids connection at the bottom) has me thinking paranormal related thoughts. Then someone dared to try to interpret the dream a couple weeks back saying that it has to do with someone in my life about to make a sacrific that I could prevent, but shouldn't. And then they went on to talk about their beliefs of umbra (their spirit world) which is composed of close umbra (parallel to physic world where spirits reside), far umbra (where those awaiting a new body go), and umbral kingdoms/kingdoms of umbra (he doesn't dare talk too much about them, long story). Then he goes on about how all gods (Christian, Roman, Greek, Egyptian, etc.) are encarnia of Mother Nature/Gaia, that spirits can die, and that screwing up could lead to ceasing to exist all together or starting over as vegetation, and that you could be reborn in ancient history.

This had me going scared for a while under someone else went to prove the person wrong since that we go forward, not backward or whatnot, and that the first person's umbra logic is so confusion that not even someone with a Ph.D in calculus could figure it out. After that, I was a bit more calmed, but I still needed a rl mentors, guides, sensais, etc. who would care to help me. Soon, someone came into the chatroom that a friend of mine runs on another server, and were using another server to attack it until I was forced to have them banned from it. Then trying to get things under control, the brother of the attacker comes on and attacks me in private message. This is enough to make me feel that in my searching for relief, that everyone and their grandma comes to attack me for no reason.

Since after this, I have been feeling very depressed and stressed with chest pains occuring at the same time, feeling that my mind like a computer that you are putting too much information into, is on the verge overloading and total meltdown. And I had a friend in chat that told me that they know the feeling... That I know it's garbage, yet the words stick, and leave me thinking, "could it be true?", even though I know it isn't.... And it just stays... And this was before they started talking with someone else in the room about the garbage of doomsayers and astrology garbage, yet they talk about how people said that the world was going to end even since the time of Jesus.

At the moment, I am still restless about all of this stuck in my mind, yet trying to find myself at peace again. When will I ever be at peace again? I have had thoughts of using magicks and witchcraft to aid me, but am afraid that my mind in the current state that it is in will just cause more grief. I am left alone, trying to find rl mentors, guides, sensais, etc. that would help me feel at ease again. As I look out the window now, I see that daybreak is coming and the dawn of yet another day. I am not sure if I am going to be able to sleep, but will try to sleep again soon.

BTW, I have two little spirit friends that I am concerned about that are Kane the Fox Boy and Lindsey the Elf Child. I know that these two are spirits because I had a mentor years back say that they have spoke with them. But now I have atleast three other canidates that could be spirits, but have no idea because of lack of answers. They are this little girl with brown hair who either wears pink footed sleepers or a pink nightgown, a kid who closely resembles Shippo from Inu Yasha because someone told me that they have linked themselves to my Shippo doll, and the girl Macey from the above dream.

But right now, I feel like my inner worlds of my mind are being torn apart or have already been torn apart and damaging to my beliefs. And again, I am looking for rl mentors, guides, sensais, etc. that would care to help me.

*falls down on the ground from pressure, yet reaches out for someone, anyone*

Someone... Anyone... help me...

Sincerely,

Erik Mouse

Erm. Talk to me on MSN and I'll try to help
Chris/BlackLiger