Feelings for a woman

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I’m 48 and never had or wanted a girlfriend. Every now and then in my life however I have developed a crush on someone and it’s really painful for me. I thought I was a heterosexual subset of asexual but now I’m not too sure. I have developed feelings for someone I work with but they are very happy in a relationship. I feel so sad and I yearn for them. But, even if they were willing and available I’m not sure that I would cope with or understand a relationship anyway. I need to feel loved and validated by someone I guess but as a loner by nature I’m not sure that I’d be a very good partner because I need so much alone time. Does anyone have any advice or insights into what could be happening to me? I feel so bad right now.

Hey, sorry to hear that. Unrequited love is rough.

I don't know what to do about the loner part. I need my alone time, but also need to feel loved and validated. Maybe the potential partners similar to us are doing the same thing we're doing, so we don't find each other.

No idea what to do about the crush. Maybe write down how you're feeling so you can see it entirely and/or stop spending time around them. You could also "talk" it out here on the forum

That all just sounds miserable and I'm sorry it's happening to you.

The crush on someone in a relationship is a rotten position to be in, for anyone. You mentioned that you've had crushes in the past and I was just wondering what happened to those? Did they just fade away with time? I wondered if there was any comfort in that thought, that these things tend to be transient?

For me, historically crushes only go away when I stop seeing the person in question. That's no fun either, but its the easiest and quickest way to put them to bed, imo. But maybe that's not possible if you're working together?

The more complicated bit is you not know whether or not you'd be able to have a relationship with your other needs. I think the answer to that is probably, you're not going to know until you try. The only advice I can give there is to be painfully honest with the other person in that relationship. You seem to know yourself pretty well and that's half the battle, I think. If you know what you need then you can communicate that to others. I suppose just be aware that everyone has a slightly different understanding of what constitutes a romantic relationship and maybe your expectations are on the fringes of that. It doesn't mean its not possible, just that you need to find the right person.

@GeordieGent

I fully concur with DuckHairback; as he stated you know yourself well, so open humble and honest communication is a absolute requirement, but once this is established and you have together build up some trust, you have a steady home to go to another brain to help tackle to chaos life offers us.
I personally made the mistake of allowing my wife to become my "special-interest" and this excuse my term here, "royally screwed up" our relation, so having strong feelings for someone has for me become a counter indication.
What I mean is if I notice myself obsessing over a person, I will not engage romantically. Instead I make sure that me and them can be friends, i.e. honest, open communication is possible and if this fits, tentatively I'll allow myself to try the next step.
In your situation indeed as Duck suggested avoiding them for a bit usually helps, but if you're facing them daily this can be troublesome.

best of luck,
Kada