Why Do People Refuse To Practice Social Skills?

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Other thread created here. I look forward to reading your thoughts about ABA and the "social skills" that are taught via ABA and in special ed.

You're twisting words and misinterpreting yet again. The statement specifically regarding teachers was the second sentence, while the first was not. And the numerous possibilities that cannot be declared with reasonable confidence are the explanations for why I think I'm bad at debating/arguing while you that I "seem to have developed some skill at it" and my statement "There are numerous possible explanations and none can be declared with absolute certainty" was also regarding that. Neither were regarding the subjectivity of those opinions themselves. Simply put, I was talking about the reasons behind the opinions, not the opinions. I've not made any definitive declaration of your skill level, just stated that I don't think you're very skilled at debating/arguing. And that these opinions about our skill at debate/arguing are subjective.

sometimes the juice just ain't worth the squeeze.

That's a metaphor that could be referring to various different things in this thread. Did you have anything specific in mind?

Am I really? Or is that just your subjective opinion? Can it truly be known and declared with absolute certainty what I am or am not doing? It could be dunning-kruger or imposter syndrome, or maybe you're just not good at judging your own skill, or mine, or maybe i'm bad but you're worse, which is why I can see your skill but you can't see mine, or yours - or any of the other stuff you brought up, that could just as easily apply in ways other than how you meant it to apply. In that sense, I'm really not twisting your words, so much as applying them equally in ways you didn't, and seeing if things "break". Which is a valid and normal debate / arguing strategy. Apply a claim to other situations, and see if it still holds true, or if things fall apart.

Now, insofar as unsuccessfully convincing you of anything regarding my position, in that regard, sure, I'm not doing very well at debating or arguing. That is also not my goal or objective, so, no biggie. I can see why it might look like I am unskilled at it, if that's not really what I'm even trying to do.

Anyways, even if opinions are subjective, they can still carry weight.

My brain is just wired backwards for social situations. Basically, I need to be able to get to know someone before talking to them. If you don't know someone, what do you talk to them about? Also for me, when talking, the subject of the conversation is the important thing.

Sounds like a catch-22. However ...


Do you have any hobbies, or any activities you enjoy, or any topics you especially enjoy talking about?

If so, have you ever tried to find (e.g. via Meetup.com or EventBrite) a local group or event devoted to one of those hobbies, activities, or topics?

In such groups/events you might (depending on how the group/event is organized) have opportunities to talk to people about the relevant hobby/activity/topic.

There's a difference between twisting words and applying them to other situations. Twisting words is rephrasing them in a way that changes their meaning, which is what you're doing. And it's pretty obvious.

Defining a word, and then claiming that that's what I'm doing, is hardly smoking-gun evidence of what you're claiming I'm doing.

You're just making claims, with no actual evidence, and it's pretty obvious.

I love practicing social skills I do

It's dead dead good and you get to see what works and what doesn't

And also you get to show people who you are and also you get to learn things about other people and also it's fun sometimes

So that's why I like to practice my social skills

And plus, as well; I love practicing my social skills because it makes me feel proud of myself

!	Cornflake wrote:
	VioletKnight and uncommondenominator: please take your lengthy argument elsewhere - a new thread perhaps, or to PMs. It's off topic here and is taking up far too much thread real estate. If you decide to create a thread please let me know where it is and I'll move your posts over to it.

I don't think it's possible to refuse to learn "social skills." Even for somebody who never thinks about it, they'll try to engage with people in a particular way, there's a good or bad outcome, and they try something else next time. So I don't see anything voluntary about it, unless somebody either gives up all hope of getting along with people, or simply doesn't feel lonely enough to spur them into trying. I gather some Aspies are asocial like that. I fear for them in this cruel world. It might often seem compassionate to try to reach those people and somehow gently persuade them why they should try to join the human race, but in the end if it's their choice not to, I think it's better to respect that. Sometimes reclusive types have things sussed out better than the life and soul of the party does. Who are we to judge them?

Somebody was talking about needing a teacher. I think that depends on the person. If you insist that you need a guru, then of course you need a guru. Good luck with that. In my case I've never had such a life coach, and I don't know where I'd find one who worked for nothing and was clever enough to influence my maverick mind with anything much that would help me learn. I'm sure there are plenty of them out there who promise to work wonders for a price. But even if they waived the fee, it's doubtful that I'd benefit. Luckily for me, everybody I meet teaches me something about people, usually without them meaning to do any such thing.

I'm glad all that adversarial nonsense in this thread has stopped at last. If anybody wants to talk about my above thoughts, kindly keep it respectful.