What are your pet peeves in social situations?

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Agreed.

But it can sometimes be hard to tell the difference between a genuine misunderstanding and a mind game.

When in doubt, I think it's best to be charitable and assume that a misunderstanding is genuine and work to try to clear up the misunderstanding.

Unfortunately, people who have grown up around highly manipulative people tend to assume that everything is a mind game and that genuine misunderstandings are rare.

I developed sooo many pet peeves working at a grocery store. One was customers being on the phone while I was ringing up their groceries.

This is true whether or not the people around them were genuinely manipulative. If someone has always had the attitude that those around them are manipulative, they're likely to operate from the assumption that everyone is playing mind games, even if that's not actually true.

Hmmm. I would be inclined to suspect that most people like this are likely to have had some genuine bad experiences with highly manipulative people, when growing up, but then over-generalize from those bad experiences and jump to wrong conclusions about other people.

-> A golden question indeed CapedOwl perhaps even worthy of it's own religion...
but truly a great question, and suggestion!

A few others

1. When people assume what I can and cannot afford

2. When I find myself being upset and the other party dismisses me by trying to give things the benefit of the doubt in a condescending manner.

"Well maybe it's because of XYZ."

Agreed; but they don't even need to be the majority in that person's life, so long as they're influential enough.

Although, that's assuming that person is genuinely manipulative, rather than just sharing their paranoias.

Last edited by funeralxempire on 30 Jun 2025, 12:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's.....one way to look at things.

I thought of 2 more:
-When people speak for me. As in: 'We can take you out swimming some day'.
-When people project their struggles onto me: As in: 'I don't think you're ready for this or that yet'.

The above is not as necessary as one might think. Perception of reality (even when wrong) can be even more potent than what reality actually is. Expectation has a lot to do with it, and expectations are very much not always reasonable or rational. An example:

I had a friend who spent many years being annoyed that he made less money than he thought he should. Specifically, he was making less than the "average household income". In that context, he thought he was making less-than-average, and was being underpaid.

It wasn't until I explained to him that the "average household income" was defined by a household of 2.4 people - two adults both earning an income, plus any applicable deductions - that he realized he was actually earning over 50% more than the average individual.

Incomplete information was enough to bias him into absolutely believing that he was being massively underpaid, and essentially being taken advantage of - even though he was actually being paid quite a lot more than most others. Once he learned this, he stopped complaining about being underpaid, and even put more effort into his work, which then landed him a promotion, and he got paid even more.

Point is, if someone even believes they're being manipulated, even if they actually aren't, that's enough to make it "real" for them, even if it isn't actually the reality.

Many people are also a bit hypersensitive, and take things much more harshly than they are actually delivered. I once worked with a young lady whom I had to politely ask to not open the cash register w/o a manager, in totally calm tones, with no harshness or accusatory innuendo. Yet she reported to the owner that I yelled at her to stay out of the register. When they played back the camera footage, it showed that I had in fact spoken calmly and politely the entire time. Her perception made her own recollection real enough to her, though.

Sometimes all it takes is one slightly bad experience to ruin everything.

It used to annoy me when people would ask me questions about my tourette, and they'd start with the most cliche and stereotypical questions, and I'd think they were just messing with me. But in reality, I forgot that while I may know about tourette, that's cos I have it, and was told about it - but the average person has never even heard of it, of if they have, it's probably from a movie like Deuce Bigalow - which isn't their fault, it's just how things are. And even if someone asks the most stereotypical question, it's likely cos they don't know better - but are still genuinely trying to learn and understand.

Point is, if it seems like someone is messing with you, it can't hurt to indulge them for a moment, and actually find out for sure. I once thought a group of kids in a car were trying to harass me, but in fact they were trying to let me know I didn't have my headlights on.

Just something to consider when it comes to peeves and other indiscretions.

Even regarding my own peeves, I can easily think of realistic exceptions where I may not be in the right. For example, my earlier peeve, of being expected to share someone else's enthusiasm - if it's someone close to me, someone I care about and support, then even if I don't share their enthusiasm for the thing, I am likely to be enthusiastic for them being happy about something, even if I literally could not care less about the thing itself.

It has been my experience that most people aren't actually trying to play mind games - but just cos two people are both speaking in english, doesn't mean they're both speaking the same "language". Miscommunications happen. Misunderstanding occur.

Very well said and explained.

People view the world through their past experiences in life, and not necessarily experience what is really happening.