Did any of you have a bad time in autism groups?

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Not a bad time as such, but when we'd all get up and mingle after the meeting, I got left out. I'd end up just eating some of the food available and then leaving.

One time we had a games meeting where people brought games to play with others. I brought Uno and for once I was popular. It all reverted back to the usual by the next meeting, unfortunately.

Some questions:

1) Approximately how many meetings of this group did you attend, over approximately how long a period of time?

2) Did any other newcomers join the group after you began attending?

3) Did you ever discuss the situation with the leader(s)/facilitator(s) of the group? If so, what advice were you given?

P.S.: One other thing:

If the group happens to be anything autism-related, arrange to have a private conversation with the leader/facilitator to discuss your social difficulties, both with groups in general and with their specific group in particular, and ask for their advice. Also, if you happen to have any specific ideas for things the group could do that would help make it easier for you to socialize, voice your suggestions to the leader/facilitator.

IMO the leader/facilitator of an autism-related group should have some concern for how the members are doing, socially, with each other.

I don't think I've ever asked someone to be my friend. Rather, my friendships have naturally evolved out of enough conversation and shared activities, and I think that's how it probably works for most people.

Back in the old days, before today's major social media become popular, most people, especially women, tended to talk on the phone a lot more than they do today, apparently. My friendships were built and sustained to a large degree through phone conversations, plus seeing each other at groups we both attended, plus occasional (not very often at all) private in-person get-togethers.

These days, phone conversations have been largely replaced by text messages and social media, which I personally feel is unfortunate, but be that as it may....

Anyhow, my point is that, as far as I can tell, asking "will you be my friend?" is not something most people do. Instead, they ask to exchange contact info -- whatever kind of contact info they both feel comfortable sharing. From there, a friendship either evolves or does not evolve.

Question: Do you usually arrive at the job early? If not, I would suggest doing so if possible. Being one of the early birds -- and especially being one of the earliest early birds -- creates a situation where it is natural for people to talk to each other.


No matter how you go about trying to find potential friends, there will always be what may seem to be budding friendships that don't work out in the long run, for one reason or another. This is certainly disappointing, but I would suggest that you try not to let this discourage you. Just be friendly to everyone you have an opportunity to be friendly with at your volunteer job, and see who you hit it off with. If you inadvertantly annoy or offend someone, apologize.

1) The meetings were once per month and I went for about a year and a half.

2) Three or four people joined after me. A few people left also.

3) Part of the reason I left was because of group leaders changing all the time. I never felt brave enough to confide in any of them.

Did you make a point of being friendly to these newcomers? If so, what happened?

Also, did these newcomers seem to be completely new to the group, or did they seem to have been invited by people who were already group members?


Was this an autistic peer-led group (in which the leaders were longtime members of the group) or a professional-led group (in which case the leaders came from outside the group)?

I’ve never been to a group like this. The idea of sitting in a circle and discussing private matters with strangers sounds like hell to me!

I do struggle with friendships IRL so perhaps I should join one but I live in a fairly remote location, so it’s unlikely there’s a group nearby. As I work remotely, I’d rather not spend any more time in front of a screen.

Interesting to read about other people’s experiences.

I’ve never been to a group like this. The idea of sitting in a circle and discussing private matters with strangers sounds like hell to me!

I do struggle with friendships IRL so perhaps I should join one but I live in a fairly remote location, so it’s unlikely there’s a group nearby. As I work remotely, I’d rather not spend any more time in front of a screen.

Interesting to read about other people’s experiences.