Pulling the strings of the world

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Once I wrote this in another thread and now I'm hereby reposting this in this thread

I actually don't get the feeling that the world is real - or at least real enough for me. I am quite fascinated with the idea that an action can produce some sort of result - as if I was some sort of young child who plays with their toys - with this exception that my playing with those metaphorical toys - the one of an adult person with an adult brain and not the one of a toddler - is carried out on a much larger scale It's almost as if I played with the Sims from the popular video game, while interacting with other people from my environment - every action leads to the reaction, this reaction in turn leads to the whole fantastic world of so many different possibilities - I perceive this as some kind of great tree of possibilities, like a real tree with an infinite number of branches. Such a Terokh Jeruth tree from the Myst universe, to use the game metaphor When I do something, it's practically like I was a puppeteer, pulling the strings, the power behind the throne

Do you ever happen to experience a similar feeling?

Anyone?

I have metaphysical ideas about that, maybe as a counter-reaction to the brutal harshness of many monotheistic religions. The idea is that only I in this reality have consicousness and sentientness and all other beings (including people, of course) in fact do not feel, do not have consciousness and sentientness, so de facto do not exist.

For my mind endless damnation of even one being is absolute nonsense, I would definitely prefer everyone to be happy and comfortable without end. I struggle profoundly with religious questions and beliefs. I "can't" do examination of conscience and confession because it is very complicated, it appears to require good executive functions, I have problems with defining what is a sin in fact and how serious any sin is.

But monotheism is completely rational to me.

For my mind endless damnation of even one being is absolute nonsense, I would definitely prefer everyone to be happy and comfortable without end. I struggle profoundly with religious questions and beliefs. I "can't" do examination of conscience and confession because it is very complicated, it appears to require good executive functions, I have problems with defining what is a sin in fact and how serious any sin is.

Damnation may be the cessation of existence rather than eternal torment. Eternal comfort might not be all that comfortable. If a person has a focus on self, he has to deal with boredom.

Sin might be seen as that which harms self and others. The response to boredom often is consumptive self-indulgence that can bring harm to self.

The solution to sin and even boredom is to diminish self and seek to help others. In a Buddhist context this would be the sublimation of desire. In a Christian context this would be the transition from the selfishness of the flesh to walking in the selflessness of Christ-like love.

Cessation of the existence of a sentient being would be also completely evil, but not as profoundly evil as everlasting torture.

If a sentient being could not come to the point of moving beyond consumptive selfishness, would perpetual existence be a blessing or a curse?

In opinion of my "mentality" it would not (or at least may not) be a curse, especially if the sentient being would not feel boredom.

Suffering (especially physical) and annihilation of sentientness or something good are clearly evil.