What are your pet peeves in social situations?

Page 2 of 2 [ 20 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,671
Location: New York City (Queens)

28 Jun 2025, 5:04 pm

uncommondenominator wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
A few of them

1. Whenever someone seems to play mind games by asking you a question. When you answer, that person says "No that's not my question." That one really pushes my buttons. Another thing they do is "That still does not tell me anything."

2. Whenever someone asks you for something or they agree to do something with you. Then when it boils down to it, this person ends up springing it up on you that they have to get XYZ first. To make it worse, they take their time doing XYZ and then wondering why you left or got mad at them.


If it's any consolation, it has been my experience that your #1 is not a mind game, but a misunderstanding. Either you've misunderstood the context of their question, or they've misunderstood the context of the answer. Like if someone asked "where are you from" and you start listing all the places you lived, but they meant "what is your heritage". (lazy example, hopefully it conveys the idea) Not everyone is adept with words, and sometimes what they mean to ask doesn't get communicated as clearly as could ideally be - and when the answer doesn't match the question they asked, as they see it, the got an answer that didn't match the intent of their question.

Same goes for "that tells me nothing". It usually means someone didn't understand the intent of the question asked or the answer given, and while information was provided, it didn't answer the intended question. I usually remedy either of the above by saying "sorry then, I seem to have missed the intent of your question - what sort of answer were you expecting?" - and give a revised answer based on additional context - or, if it didn't help, simply say I dunno what else to tell them then. But rest assured, it's generally not intended as a mind game or to wind you up.

Agreed.

But it can sometimes be hard to tell the difference between a genuine misunderstanding and a mind game.

When in doubt, I think it's best to be charitable and assume that a misunderstanding is genuine and work to try to clear up the misunderstanding.

Unfortunately, people who have grown up around highly manipulative people tend to assume that everything is a mind game and that genuine misunderstandings are rare.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.


colliegrace
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Nov 2022
Age: 32
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 1,449
Location: USA

Yesterday, 3:06 pm

I developed sooo many pet peeves working at a grocery store. One was customers being on the phone while I was ringing up their groceries.


_________________
He/him or they/them pronouns, please.
ASD level 1 & ADHD-C (professional dx), dyscalcula (self dx), very severe RSD. Probably have BPD.

RAADs: 104 | ASQ: 30 | CAT-Q: 139 | Aspie Quiz: 116/200 (84% probability of being atypical)


funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,268
Location: Right over your left shoulder

Yesterday, 3:09 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Unfortunately, people who have grown up around highly manipulative people tend to assume that everything is a mind game and that genuine misunderstandings are rare.


This is true whether or not the people around them were genuinely manipulative. If someone has always had the attitude that those around them are manipulative, they're likely to operate from the assumption that everyone is playing mind games, even if that's not actually true.


_________________
The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.
If you're not careful, the newspapers will have you hating the people who are being oppressed, and loving the people who are doing the oppressing. —Malcolm X
There’s class warfare, all right, but it’s my class, the rich class, that’s making war, and we’re winning. — Warren Buffett


Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,671
Location: New York City (Queens)

Yesterday, 11:19 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Mona Pereth wrote:
Unfortunately, people who have grown up around highly manipulative people tend to assume that everything is a mind game and that genuine misunderstandings are rare.


This is true whether or not the people around them were genuinely manipulative. If someone has always had the attitude that those around them are manipulative, they're likely to operate from the assumption that everyone is playing mind games, even if that's not actually true.

Hmmm. I would be inclined to suspect that most people like this are likely to have had some genuine bad experiences with highly manipulative people, when growing up, but then over-generalize from those bad experiences and jump to wrong conclusions about other people.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.