Contributing to a topic during a conversation

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Normally, when you have a conversation and the person starts talking about something, you need to contribute by asking a question, making a statement or suggestion, saying a joke, etc.

I find myself asking questions most of the time because that way, I don't have too talk. The problem with this is that after a while, they start realizing that you only ask questions. I need help commenting on their statements or saying a joke to break the ice.

As for commenting on their statement, the only thing I can think of is either
1) saying "oh cool", or "wow" -- this makes the other person feel that you're not too interested
2) or relating it with myself -- "oh wow, that happened to me too"
I can't seem to do anything other than that.

As for saying a joke as a response to their statement, I know that types of jokes include the following:
1) Say a silly assumption. Him -- I got this laptop for only 300 dollars! You -- Wow, that's cheap! Where did you steal it?
2) Make exaggerated statements. Her -- This food is terrible! You -- Man, even a dog wouldn't eat this!
3) Lie by saying something unrealistic -- The food is so bad here. I heard the cook is also the janitor.
4) Puns

I have so much trouble thinking about jokes. When I do think about a joke, it's about an hour after the conversation. I need help on making jokes instantly. Some techniques or things to look for is also fine.

What I listed up there is almost literally the only things I know. ANY type of input, comment, advice, or tips would be appreciated. I really need help here. Help plox.

Wow. Yeah, the fine art of conversation is tricky and is very draining sometimes because it doesn't come naturally to us I guess. Like, for me, when someone states something...my immediate follow up respons is, "And?..." or some type of why question.

As far as being witty, there are things you can do to help with that sort of thing. One thing you can do is see if you can find an improvisation class or workshop of sorts. I do theater and have taken and taught improvisation. I have even held workshops online to teach others how to do this inside a virtual world.

The key thing about improvisation is unlocking the brain freeze which can be achieved through various exercises and allowing words to flow out and to be able to communicate a scene. This same technique I imagine could be modified in such a way that would help with day to day social interactions.

If you are interested, I would be willing to help with some one on one session over a voice program or inside a virtual world. Or if others would be interested, we could set up a group thing. I will pull out some of my lessons and see what I can come up with.

Take care,
Upo

Saying a joke to "break the ice", never works for me. Jokes in themselves don't work for me. I've heard thousands of jokes over the years and I don't remember any of them. I find them contrived and probably a very NT thing to do. That's not to say I don't have a sense of humour. I find humour in the absurd as well as random, yet somehow intuitively related observations. What I would find funny is if someone videotaped me trying to tell a "an Irishman, a Frenchman and a Pole walk into a bar..." type of joke from beginning to punch line ending and how many times I screw it up.

That's all to say that I don't think telling jokes is going to help much in conversations.

I ask questions too. I also vary my questions with observations and sharing, though. That way it doesn't come off as a one-sided interview type of convo.




Not that there is anything wrong with "oh cool" or "oh wow" but I would limit those to saying them only when you think something is very cool or "wow" and not as a filler cliché.

Relating something to yourself is ok and shows the other person you can relate to them. You don't have to say "oh wow" every time. Saying that you've experienced the same thing as well and then sharing what it was like for you builds rapport. Just be careful not to go on too long about yourself. Share the same amount the other person did and then let them speak. That could then be followed with a question or a funny observation related to it, as opposed to a joke.





Personally, I find jokes like those fall flat. Sometimes a pun works, but only with certain people that find them punny

The advice I would give is:

Spend as much time listening, as you do speaking.

Try to make eye contact once in a while, or at least somewhere on their face, close to their eyes. A few brief looks is better than staring.

If they are talking about something and you get stumped as to what to say in response, ask them more about it.

A good ice breaker is to notice something about the person, a piece of clothing, a piece of jewelry, their haircut, a book they are carrying, a band logo on their t-shirt, etc. and comment on it. Make sure you actually have an interest in it, or like it.

For example, "That's a beautiful necklace. What does that symbol mean?" or "I really like your jeans! I've been looking around for jeans and can't find any I like. Where did you buy them?" or "Oh wow, you're reading that book?! I just saw the movie and I loved it. Is the book good?"