Therapy for women obsession.

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foreveryoung
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04 Aug 2010, 4:53 pm

My psychiatrist referred me to a doctor that specializes in OCD/Aspergers, especially how it relates to sexual issues. I told him my problem - that I'm overly and reluctantly obsessed with women and sex, and he thinks he can help me.



sacrip
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04 Aug 2010, 5:55 pm

Well, that wasn't really a question, so I'll ask one of you: If you were in a regular boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, sex and all, would your obsessive feelings decrease, or would they extend to other women, or would you want more sex than you think an average girl would provide?


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billsmithglendale
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04 Aug 2010, 6:04 pm

sacrip wrote:
Well, that wasn't really a question, so I'll ask one of you: If you were in a regular boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, sex and all, would your obsessive feelings decrease, or would they extend to other women, or would you want more sex than you think an average girl would provide?


I think I fall into that category -- for guys like us, there is never enough.

Now, the caveat is that we may be a lot more mentally healthy if we are in fact in a relationship where we are actively having sex -- I'm never less crazy than when I'm sexually active.

However, if you really have a fascination or obsession with womens' bodies, you are always going to look and think about it. It doesn't mean you'll act on it (though I have), or that there is anything wrong or lacking in the person you are with -- you just are made to appreciate variety.

To some extent this is natural with men. I'm not sure where the line is where it becomes abnormal/obsessional.



foreveryoung
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04 Aug 2010, 6:07 pm

It becomes obsessional when 90 percent of your waking thought involves women's bodies and the like, and you go to sleep and have dreams that would make Hugh Hefner jealous.

How much of this is me desperately wanting to lose the V card to a woman I'm somewhat attracted to and interested in, and how much of this would exist anyway, I don't know.



billsmithglendale
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04 Aug 2010, 6:25 pm

foreveryoung wrote:
It becomes obsessional when 90 percent of your waking thought involves women's bodies and the like, and you go to sleep and have dreams that would make Hugh Hefner jealous.

Heck, I'm jealous! I'm in the 30% of men who don't have wet dreams, and for all of my conscious perversion, I don't dream about anything dirty or sexual at all 99% of the time.

foreveryoung wrote:
How much of this is me desperately wanting to lose the V card to a woman I'm somewhat attracted to and interested in, and how much of this would exist anyway, I don't know.


Well -- lose the desperation (it's hurting your chances), but do lose it to someone who you are attracted to. Don't settle for someone below your expectations when you lose it. You want that memory to be of someone who was sexy by your standards.



foreveryoung
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04 Aug 2010, 6:28 pm

Believe me, you wouldn't be jealous if you were experiencing it. I was "THIS" close to meeting a crazy 49 year old woman that sounded like Patty or Selma (Marge's sisters) from the Simpsons. My hormones have taken over my life, literally.



sacrip
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04 Aug 2010, 7:47 pm

Ah, yes, the V thing. Until it's gone, it's a persistent monkey on your back. Trust me, I know. Sex, in that case, it not just sex anymore. It's validation of self worth. At least it was for me. After all, if a girl likes you enough to let you do THAT to her, well, you can't be all that bad, can you?

Once you have it, I think your obsession will diminish significantly. Once sex is no longer a mystery, it becomes more of a simple fact of life.


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foreveryoung
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04 Aug 2010, 8:39 pm

I'm sure that plays a role, but I'm also intensely curious about what it would be like to have passionate sex with someone I like (note I say like, I don't have to be in love or know the woman intimately...just her be nice, into me, and I'm into her.)

I also think there's a bigger problem though. I seem obsessed with the topic of women in general. I'm not exaggerating when I say it's my special interest.



billsmithglendale
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05 Aug 2010, 10:27 am

sacrip wrote:
Ah, yes, the V thing. Until it's gone, it's a persistent monkey on your back. Trust me, I know. Sex, in that case, it not just sex anymore. It's validation of self worth. At least it was for me. After all, if a girl likes you enough to let you do THAT to her, well, you can't be all that bad, can you?


Exactly the way I felt as well.

sacrip wrote:
Once you have it, I think your obsession will diminish significantly. Once sex is no longer a mystery, it becomes more of a simple fact of life.


Disagreeing with you here -- yeah, the pressure is off to break your cherry, but now that you've had a taste, you might want it even more, or have even more ego and self-worth wrapped in it. Never have I felt worse than the down period between my first GF and my second -- it was a very long period, and one where I really agonized over why I couldn't seem to land another GF to save my life. I realize now I just was overlooking the leads that were coming in, staying too shy, and vibing too much desperation.



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05 Aug 2010, 12:17 pm

foreveryoung wrote:
My psychiatrist referred me to a doctor that specializes in OCD/Aspergers, especially how it relates to sexual issues. I told him my problem - that I'm overly and reluctantly obsessed with women and sex, and he thinks he can help me.


So basically, you're getting therapy for being like every other straight male? :roll:



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05 Aug 2010, 12:33 pm

Asp-Z, my thoughts exactly.


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foreveryoung
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05 Aug 2010, 1:11 pm

It goes beyond any straight male interest. Do most straight men beg women online that they don't even know for sex, or think about women in a sexual contest during 90 percent of their waking thought - to the point where it overrides their other interests and desires?



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05 Aug 2010, 4:19 pm

Yeah pretty much.


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sacrip
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05 Aug 2010, 9:04 pm

Do you have any women as friends, or at least friendly acquaintances? And I mean women about your age, not your mother's friends or anything like that. I suspect a lot of your obsession comes from the idea of women as a great unknown, aliens among us. I felt that way for a while, growing up. I would see tv commercials for fast food or Levi jeans or some such and with a group of teenagers, guys and girls, hanging out together, and all I could think was, "How awesome would that be, hanging out with a girl." I didn't even care that much about sex, I just wanted a girl to LIKE me. And not in that, "I'm gonna talk nicely to you but in a way that subtly lets you know I think I'm superior," way. In the good way.

The great secret to women is that there's very little secret to them at all. They have boobs, they pee sitting down, and once a month they get stomach aches and get pissed off. The rest is details. If you haven't read "Men are from mars, Women are from Venus", start there. Definitely an oversimplification, but it's a lot more true than not true.


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n4mwd
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05 Aug 2010, 9:42 pm

You didn't say if your problem was that you have too much sex or that you want to have more sex than you can.

Anyhow, if its a problem, I suggest that if you haven't already, get to a gym and start working out. You may be making excessive testosterone and that will help burn it off.



foreveryoung
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05 Aug 2010, 11:24 pm

Sac - I know that. I dated a really attractive girl for a couple months, then hung out with her for another couple of months.

My obsession is purely looks for the most part...in particular naked bodies (or fantasizing about them.) Almost like if I had it my way, life would be one big naked pool party, only I'd be the only guy invited.