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jc6chan
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11 Aug 2010, 10:28 am

So today, my mom saw me on WP (she does not know what WP is, or at least she didn't know I was on WP) and she asked me what website I was on. For some reason, I fell silent and I couldn't tell her that I was on WP. The weird thing is I don't know why I couldn't tell her. I had nothing to hide. Maybe it was because I knew my brother was listening to our conversation and I didn't want my brother to know.



CockneyRebel
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11 Aug 2010, 10:49 am

I couldn't tell my mum about WP, because I don't want her to know the things that I post, here whether it's about family, or everything else. I don't want her, to ban me, from my safe spot.


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jojobean
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11 Aug 2010, 12:28 pm

it is a safe place and you dont want every aspect of your life invaded my N/T...mom or not


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DonDud
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11 Aug 2010, 12:38 pm

I've said things here that I've never said or written anywhere else. Nothing bad, but embarrassing. Things I'd be afraid to say to anyone else, because they wouldn't understand without having to explain too much context, and even then they probably wouldn't understand. If I ever thought someone I knew was following me here, I'd just clam up and lose my place to explore the workings of my mind.

I hate explaining to people what I'm doing. I don't like people to see what I'm doing. The worst part about this is that I'm afraid people think I'm being suspicious, or doing something bad. The only time I like people to see what I'm doing is if I know they already understand and have an interest... for example, if a friend likes video games, I greatly enjoy their company while I'm playing a video game. I don't want my mom or dad to watch me play even the most innocent kid-friendly video game. It would make me nearly as uncomfortable as playing God of War in front of them (though the latter would make me more uncomfortable). They don't understand, and it's distracting to me, wondering what their uninformed thoughts are on it.

Here's a memory from a long time ago that I've often looked back on when thinking about my personality. When I was little, I absolutely loved the movie Honey I Shrunk the Kids. I remember once, I was just playing around, looking at the ground with a magnifying glass. Totally innocent kid's play, right? My parents asked me what I was doing. "Nothing," I said. Then they started joking around. "It must be something to do with that movie he saw." "Oh no, he's shrinking!" they teased. I suddenly got really angry, called them both "FOOLS!" and stormed off into my room. I could tell they were sorry for making me angry, and didn't appreciate that I'd called them fools, but I doubt they understood my frustration. Again, if you don't understand, I don't want to hear about it, and I don't want you to watch. If you're capable of joining in, then please do, otherwise, stay out of it.



JayL
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11 Aug 2010, 12:47 pm

The prejudices and assumptions of people are the worst, especially of the smart ones since they are so certain about their opinions and how they can't be wrong. they just have no clue.



lostD
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11 Aug 2010, 1:11 pm

I don't want my family to know I'm here either because they hold prejudice against people who have disorders (except from dyslexia :roll: ) and "I'm perfectly normal though I should behave differently because I obviously play dumb when I don't want to understand something and have a huge ego when I start talking about my interests". (Yeah, right, totally normal, that's why I've been beaten and considered a "retard" and a "nerd" by others).

They've totally ignored the advice of doctors about my "may have dyspraxia" and "no social skills" among other things when I was younger so I don't see how they could cope with the fact that I'm talking with people who are different from them but to whom I can relate.

It's no big deal, you don't have to tell them what you do on the Internet as long as it doesn't put your life in danger and when it comes to Autism and disorder, it's pretty understandable that you don't tell everyone.

Some people just have no idea of how we feel and what we are living (though most people claim to understand other people and feel so much empathy...), even when knowing that you have a disorder, they may don't understand why you feel the need to talk on WP. :roll:



Last edited by lostD on 11 Aug 2010, 1:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CockneyRebel
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11 Aug 2010, 1:11 pm

I don't want my NT family members spying on me, on WP.


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Callista
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11 Aug 2010, 1:15 pm

I think it's pretty simple--you just couldn't figure out, on the spot, how to explain it to her; so you couldn't get started. I have that problem; only when I can't figure it out, I revert back to pattern-matching and make something up instead, something that fits into the conversation. That can be embarrassing when it's either obviously not true, or something I didn't intend to say. Like, for example, if I can't explain that I'm not buying a sweater because it has a bumpy texture that makes me feel like my skin is crawling, I might not be able to figure out how to explain that straight away and just claim I don't like the color, leading to my friend believing I don't like a color that I actually do like. The stupid thing about it is that, until I've thought about it for a while, I don't realize that I said something I didn't intend to communicate. You're kind of lucky, just not being able to say stuff when you can't figure it out. Impulsively pattern-matching stuff you don't actually mean gets a heck of a lot more complicated. (I can definitely stop myself from doing it, though, if I think carefully and let myself pause, even uncomfortably long, before I answer. Accuracy at the expense of conversational fluency is a good idea in everything but small talk.)


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jc6chan
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11 Aug 2010, 3:04 pm

The only easy way for my parents to find out is if I joined a trustworthy aspie meetup group and told them I had to go somewhere. Definitely not an informal aspie meetup. My parents would freak out at how dangerous that would be.



SteamPowerDev
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11 Aug 2010, 3:08 pm

I find this extremely interesting.

On the one hand I understand completely about not sharing this haven/safe place. But on the other hand, this place is so full of knowledge and useful resources that it's almost a shame to hide it from those who may want to help. Even if their idea of helping is to disagree with the diagnosis and stomp around in a huff about it.

It's an interesting idea. I honestly have no idea if I would be willing to share this site with people I know.



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11 Aug 2010, 3:32 pm

I told my mother about my WP membership when i joined in 2005. As far as shes concerned, i havent been here in a few years. She can tell when im over a special interest because i quit talking about it, this time i wised up, and didnt tell her that im back on WP. I post things here that i would never say aloud, the web provides a sense of anonymity.

A couple weeks ago, i put a quote that i made up in my sig line, i also put my full name. I changed that pretty quick, i happend to google myself and saw every post i ever made, i know my mother had googled me, i just hope not during that two or three day period when i was all over google.

Unfortunately, i had also submitted a story to "poopreport.com" (check it out, its pretty funny) that included my full name, my mother found out i was on that site and wouldnt let me live it down. One thing she does that gets to me, she wont let on that she knows something that ive said or done, i will mention it in a round about way example:
me:"why are there so many ***holes in public?"

her:"look whos talking, i read your post on (newspaper website), cut it out!"

for the record, it was a politically charged page, things were flying back and forth.

My only grievance with WP is that usernames are forever. I wish i could change my name and keep my number of posts, i purposely keep my location vague and with a name like "thechadmaster" there are many out there named chad, the only problem is that "thechadmaster" used to be my email address from 2001-2006.

Around here, i am known, i feel like i can share anything, but there is so much that my mother does not know about me (i hope)


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silentbob15
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11 Aug 2010, 3:39 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
I don't want my NT family members spying on me, on WP.

Its hardly spying when anyone can look your user name up in google, unless you post in the members only section.



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11 Aug 2010, 3:45 pm

It could possibly have nothing to do with the website itself, but more to do with you wanting to have a life separate from your mother, without her knowing all the details of aspects of your life that don't involve her. When I was a teenager, I went through a stage like this. I think most NTs do it without thinking about it, but maybe those of us on the spectrum find it weird because we're used to being open and honest about everything (big stereotype, and no doubt won't apply to everyone - but I know for myself this was the case. My instinct was always to answer questions honestly, but there got to a point where I wanted to feel I had the option to keep things to myself.).


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CockneyRebel
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11 Aug 2010, 3:48 pm

capriwim wrote:
It could possibly have nothing to do with the website itself, but more to do with you wanting to have a life separate from your mother, without her knowing all the details of aspects of your life that don't involve her. When I was a teenager, I went through a stage like this. I think most NTs do it without thinking about it, but maybe those of us on the spectrum find it weird because we're used to being open and honest about everything (big stereotype, and no doubt won't apply to everyone - but I know for myself this was the case. My instinct was always to answer questions honestly, but there got to a point where I wanted to feel I had the option to keep things to myself.).


That could be the thing, with me, as well. :idea:


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happymusic
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11 Aug 2010, 4:09 pm

I'd keep it to myself, too. I'd be horrified if my parents/friends/whoever pulled up all my posts. It would ruin all the benefits of anonymity.



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11 Aug 2010, 4:27 pm

Well, my mom works very hard to make me more NT, so she probably wouldn't be too pleased about me spending time on an Asperger's forum.
Maybe it's the same with you?


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