Lacking social skills or being Autistic?

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CD84
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29 Aug 2010, 2:44 pm

I am curious what the difference is between just lacking social skills and being slightly Autistic or on the Autistic spectrum? I feel I have got over a lot of my anxiety and shyness but still I don't really know how to bond with most people and create proper fiendships and relationships. In fact I mainly ask about other people than myself but I find making friends hard work. I think the few girls I was with dumped me/lost interest quickly because I was socially inept. One girl I was with only for a day and she lost interest I think because I didn't know understand how to be with her, another girl got her friend to ask me out and she came over I tried to get to know her ask about her (not me) when alone things felt awkward and she lost interest quickly as well. Another girl I met up with we spoke for only 20 minutes and things felt akward she said to me when we were alone in her room later "you could try to get to know me" but I thought I was the whole evening she gave me a "just be friends line". I have found that through out my life I would try and make friends I often couldn't or I would be loner and a lot of the time I was content with that.Typically I am closer to my parents or sister/brother in law than say most people my age for example I sometimes go bowling with my father which I enjoy and it's often I go out with my family bowling or for a meal, I remember a long time ago one time I invited some kids from church bowling and no one gave me anything (even a card) except for one boy who was adopted (I am adopted as well) I felt I related to him more, the other kids went off a lot of the time when I was bowling and they would come back for their go, it did upset me a bit. I can talk to people and interact but I feel I lack something and I have difficulty really connecting with others my age and women and maintaining relationships. I was surprised the other day when I was asking about jobs in this shop the security man said something like "now talk with her (the maanger) not at her okay" and laughed I didn't understand what he meant by this. I do find a lot of my speech is scripted at times like at job interviews one man pointed out during an interview practice that "what you say sounds scripted and rehearsed". I was never a total failure making friends but I never found it easy and I couldn't understand why there have been many times like in colllege I really tried to make friends with others, like this one kid liked rap music and I tried to relate to him because I did but I was often ignored by my peers except this one kid who loved movies and we would talk about films all the time.

My mother told me the other day the reason I had speech threapy was because my speech was a bit delayed and didn't say things properly at 3 or 4 years old like not talking in proper or complete sentences.

What do you all think how can you tell one is socially inept or possibly a bit Autistic. By the way a lot of the traits people with Autism I have and did growing up is it a coincendece?

Like delays/problems riding bike, tying shoes laces, catching a ball, sport, low muscle tone, flat feet, rigid/odd walk and gait, toilet problems (a lot of constipation growing up), lining up toys and objects, sensitivity to certain sounds (eg hoover, babies crying, hairdryer,alarms etc), bright lights I didn't like my hair washed as a kid or getting my hair cut, feared the dentist (perhaps that is normal for most kids I don't know) narrow range of hobbies and interests, through my life difficulty understanding jokes, problems with handwriting, spelling, comprenhention, maths, dififculty following conversations especially in groups and worse with noise prescent, difficulty following long lectures, short term memory, good long term memory, taking things litterally a lot of the time, visual memory, difficulty making and keeping friends, I also had some fits as a kid as well and being a loner a lot. Perhaps I have Atypical Autism (mild) that never got diagnosed but I do have a lot of traits common in people with autism as you can see.

Thanks



PHISHA51
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29 Aug 2010, 3:30 pm

I had the same problems as you had when I was a kid. Didn't like getting my hair cut, had problems tying a shoe, and was in need of speech therapy. I was diagnosed though and got atypical Autism or PDD-NOS. To tell if one lacks social skills or has Autism, a person would always like to talk about their certain interest and not give full eye contact to the person their talking too. That would eventually lead to teasing, bullying, and at times rejection. Sometimes the person with Autism couldn't handle the social environment, which causes them to be isolated and fixated on their own special interest. By your post, its probably not a coincidence cause like I said I've been were you been, and got diagnosed. :wink:


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pgd
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29 Aug 2010, 3:48 pm

CD84 wrote:
...delays/problems riding bike, tying shoes laces, catching a ball, sport, low muscle tone, flat feet, rigid/odd walk and gait, toilet problems (a lot of constipation growing up), lining up toys and objects, sensitivity to certain sounds (eg hoover, babies crying, hairdryer,alarms etc), bright lights I didn't like my hair washed as a kid or getting my hair cut, feared the dentist (perhaps that is normal for most kids I don't know) narrow range of hobbies and interests, through my life difficulty understanding jokes, problems with handwriting, spelling, comprenhention, maths, dififculty following conversations especially in groups and worse with noise prescent, difficulty following long lectures, short term memory, good long term memory, taking things litterally a lot of the time, visual memory, difficulty making and keeping friends, I also had some fits as a kid as well and being a loner a lot. Perhaps I have Atypical Autism (mild) that never got diagnosed but I do have a lot of traits common in people with autism as you can see...


---

http://www.out-of-sync-child.com/
http://www.ericdigests.org/2003-5/auditory.htm
http://www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/
http://www.infinitywalk.org/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wii_Fit



buryuntime
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29 Aug 2010, 3:57 pm

I don't understand your insistence with yourself only having 'mild autism'. As opposed to what? You sound like you have high-functioning autism like most of us here.

Autism has three main impairments: social problems, repetitive behaviour/adherence to sameness, and communication problems.



flybirdfly
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29 Aug 2010, 5:05 pm

I think that a lacking of learn-able social skills accumulates for many autistics over time. I think that many autistics may lack a significant amount of social skills that they can theoretically gain, but because they're not normally accepted into the NT world like most people, they are unable to find enough opportunities to reach their full potential in terms of developing learn-able social skills. Well I think this is at least true for me.



CD84
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29 Aug 2010, 6:17 pm

PHISHA51 wrote:
I had the same problems as you had when I was a kid. Didn't like getting my hair cut, had problems tying a shoe, and was in need of speech therapy. I was diagnosed though and got atypical Autism or PDD-NOS. To tell if one lacks social skills or has Autism, a person would always like to talk about their certain interest and not give full eye contact to the person their talking too. That would eventually lead to teasing, bullying, and at times rejection. Sometimes the person with Autism couldn't handle the social environment, which causes them to be isolated and fixated on their own special interest. By your post, its probably not a coincidence cause like I said I've been were you been, and got diagnosed. :wink:


I was diagnosed at a young age with Dyslexia and Dyspraxia but because my mother has said numerous times things like "you have Autistic/Aspergers tendencies", "that's why people think you are Autistic because you don't share feelings with friends or others", "Being quiet a lot etc". I wonder if when I was younger my parents were told I I had some Autistic traits but still wasn't enough to meet the full criteria (PDD NOS I guess).

buryuntime wrote:
I don't understand your insistence with yourself only having 'mild autism'. As opposed to what? You sound like you have high-functioning autism like most of us here.

Autism has three main impairments: social problems, repetitive behaviour/adherence to sameness, and communication problems.


I suppose I feel I could be mild because I don't have major communication problems and I have been told I speak quite articulately. However I say I am fine but to others I may not be or come across as odd or "different" I feel most of the time I don't really qute fit in with groups, I was told in college I was a bit of a loner one man pointed that out, "in my own world", "reserverd", "killer"(they were joking), too laid back "maybe that's why he is like that" etc. Basically I feel like others see me as odd in that I don't quire seem to fit in.. Like I have said previously I can talk to just about anyone fine but I don't understand or can't easily make proper friendships or relationships with others.



Willard
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29 Aug 2010, 6:25 pm

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Last edited by Willard on 01 Sep 2010, 11:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

frag
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29 Aug 2010, 8:28 pm

I can't say if you have autism, BUT you seem to have more problems socializing than me AND you seem to have had more motor/sensory problems. And I do have a diagnosis.