Is it easier for asocial aspies than social aspies?

Page 1 of 2 [ 26 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Aspiezone
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 34

13 Sep 2010, 11:12 am

I'm asking this because I can't really relate to the need of having a lot of company. I simply need to talk for a set amount of time and then I'm satisfied. Too much socializing exhausts me and it's simply not enjoyable past a certain point. I love being alone or with one other person. I have no problem being alone as long as I have things to do. It seems socially inclined aspies are the ones who suffer most and asocial aspies are the ones who are most comfortable with their condition.



Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,016

13 Sep 2010, 11:15 am

For me it greatly depends on the person I'm talking to. I find I can socialise with Aspies who have a similar personality to me just fine, and that I in fact enjoy doing so, whereas talking to the majority of NTs drains me and stresses me out like you said.



Moog
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,663
Location: Untied Kingdom

13 Sep 2010, 12:16 pm

Aspiezone wrote:
I'm asking this because I can't really relate to the need of having a lot of company. I simply need to talk for a set amount of time and then I'm satisfied. Too much socializing exhausts me and it's simply not enjoyable past a certain point. I love being alone or with one other person. I have no problem being alone as long as I have things to do. It seems socially inclined aspies are the ones who suffer most and asocial aspies are the ones who are most comfortable with their condition.


I get very lonely sometimes and need to spend time with people, even though it drains me. My friend seems much more self contained and I do envy that a little... I would sometimes like to be a happier hermit.


_________________
Not currently a moderator


glider18
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 8 Nov 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,056
Location: USA

13 Sep 2010, 1:14 pm

Aspiezone wrote:
I'm asking this because I can't really relate to the need of having a lot of company. I simply need to talk for a set amount of time and then I'm satisfied. Too much socializing exhausts me and it's simply not enjoyable past a certain point. I love being alone or with one other person. I have no problem being alone as long as I have things to do. It seems socially inclined aspies are the ones who suffer most and asocial aspies are the ones who are most comfortable with their condition.


Yes, I agree that this could be true. I enjoy my AS, but at the same time I don't desire socializing. Like you, too much socializing tires me. I want to add that it's not that crowds scare me, it's just that I feel awkard in them. But at the same time, if there is a lot going on and a lot of noise---that gets to me and I want to leave as soon as possible.


_________________
"My journey has just begun."


Pistonhead
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2010
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,732
Location: Bradenton, Florida

13 Sep 2010, 1:28 pm

I agree. I border between the two. When I'm feeling social and I'm socially accepted it's amazing. When I'm feeling social and not accepted it makes me VERY ANGRY!! ! (and you won't like me when I'm angry) but when I'm antisocial bah who gives a damn? Me and my car are awesome! XD


_________________
"Some ideals are worth dying for"
==tOGoWPO==


Assembly
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 28 Feb 2010
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 225

13 Sep 2010, 1:46 pm

I've never felt lonely . At this point in life, I think I'd like to be social because it's important to have a professional network. In todays society, you miss out on opportunities simply by not being social. Asocial
aspies might be more comfortable with the way they are, but they also limit themselves. I imagine social aspies had a rough time growing up (wanting to fit in, rejection etc), but as adults they'll be the ones collecting the rewards.



Last edited by Assembly on 13 Sep 2010, 1:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Meadow
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Dec 2009
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,067

13 Sep 2010, 1:48 pm

I feel rather trapped by my AS/autism and sensory hypersensitivity, even isolated by it. I would be happier if I could be the average person and not have all the social and communication problems, and sensory hypersensitivities. I don't enjoy any aspect, with the exception of special interests and ability to focus deeply but tend to think it's a coping, survival mechanism and strategy more than anything else.



Ichinin
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Apr 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,653
Location: A cold place with lots of blondes.

13 Sep 2010, 2:00 pm

Probably. I dont get upset because i dont see my friends for weeks on end, even though i treasure their companionship. Even if i had no friends i'd probably survive somehow, as long as i had internet access.


_________________
"It is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring" (Carl Sagan)


Sallamandrina
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jan 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,590

13 Sep 2010, 2:24 pm

Interesting, you might be right. Thinking about it, I realise that on several occasions not needing much direct human contact was a huge advantage. For instance, when living abroad - in the beginning, social isolation almost drove my husband insane while it made no difference to me.


_________________
"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live" (Oscar Wilde)


Last edited by Sallamandrina on 13 Sep 2010, 2:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

alone
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 9 May 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 297

13 Sep 2010, 2:26 pm

It has to be harder for social aspies that want to interact but find it too painful. It is miserable for me to interact, always fills me with anxiety. I feel ok alone and don't miss people. I'm not lonely or sad from it most of the time. I've tried to imagine what kind of person would it be that I would love having around. I'm not sure because I don't like what other people call fun. I have the most fun alone.

:wink:



Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

13 Sep 2010, 2:33 pm

Aspiezone wrote:
I'm asking this because I can't really relate to the need of having a lot of company. I simply need to talk for a set amount of time and then I'm satisfied. Too much socializing exhausts me and it's simply not enjoyable past a certain point. I love being alone or with one other person. I have no problem being alone as long as I have things to do. It seems socially inclined aspies are the ones who suffer most and asocial aspies are the ones who are most comfortable with their condition.


It depends on the person and the environment.



Celoneth
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 526

13 Sep 2010, 2:44 pm

I think it's easier to be asocial. I don't have to rely on others to make me happy and can easily entertain myself and being online or spending a bit of time with people in real life is enough for me. But it can be difficult in that I have to really make an effort not to be a hermit sometimes and too much time around people is hard and I live in a social world where people don't understand the concept of enjoying time by yourself.



willaful
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Mar 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 786

13 Sep 2010, 3:25 pm

I see my son as being a lot like me in this regard - he likes to be social and is lonely without someone to play with. But he also is very selective about who he wants to be social with and how much time he wants to devote to it. And that makes it really hard to have a social life.

It does seem like it would be easier to truly not want company. I don't think I would trade, though. I don't know if he would.


_________________
Sharing the spectrum with my awesome son.


ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jun 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,399

13 Sep 2010, 3:39 pm

I used to be a bit more social, but I have never been that great at it. I have discovered I am more content with less socializing than I was when I thought I had to be social to be like everyone else. Trying to keep up with the Joneses never worked in myfavor, so now I am true to myself and am not nearly as stressed out wondering what people meant. I never knew exactly where I stood with them. Now I no longer worry where I stand with them and my mind is calm a good deal of the time.
When I was a kid I was raised to believe I had to be social, it's what everyone was and it's expected. That's why I had such a strong social drive and why I had so many problems. No one taught me it's okay to not be social and do what I want. Now that I have learned that skill, I am so much better off than I was before, psychologically. Socializing at all costs and having tons of friends is not a mandatory thing. It doesn't define your humanity.



clumsybee
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 May 2010
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 398
Location: Syracuse, NY

13 Sep 2010, 5:33 pm

Meadow wrote:
I feel rather trapped by my AS/autism and sensory hypersensitivity, even isolated by it. I would be happier if I could be the average person and not have all the social and communication problems, and sensory hypersensitivities. I don't enjoy any aspect, with the exception of special interests and ability to focus deeply but tend to think it's a coping, survival mechanism and strategy more than anything else.


This, along with chronic pain 24/7. Both are very isolating and make it hard to be social at all. If I was a social aspie I wouldn't be alive right now.