[edit] more I'M ruining our relationship, not him.

Page 1 of 10 [ 146 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 10  Next

emlion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,641

01 Dec 2010, 7:28 am

Original post: It's going to sound really bad but: he's just too nice now.
I like to be challenged and stood up to when i'm (unintentionally) being difficult. - How else am I suppose to know that i'm being that way?

Now he just tells me he 'understands' and it's 'okay'.
He used to tell me I was being unreasonable and things like that, and it helped - and I told him this and he says he doesn't like to say those things to me because I always used to look hurt - and maybe I am for a little, but then I think about it and realise he's right and I was being unreasonable.

I don't know how to tell him I can't stay in love with a person who always agrees with me and lets me do whatever I want.

What should I do?

Edit: i've come to realise it's more i'm not used to a nice guy + it's nothing to do with him. :)



Last edited by emlion on 05 Dec 2010, 6:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Kaybee
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Oct 2009
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,446
Location: A hidden forest

01 Dec 2010, 7:46 am

You should tell him that you feel this way. I'd leave out the bit about falling out of love for now, though. It may yet be a correctable problem.


_________________
"A flower falls, even though we love it; and a weed grows, even though we do not love it."


emlion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,641

01 Dec 2010, 7:48 am

Kaybee wrote:
You should tell him that you feel this way. I'd leave out the bit about falling out of love for now, though. It may yet be a correctable problem.


How can I tell him I prefer it when he's more controlling?
He'll think i'm crazy. For most people he'd be the perfect boyfriend the way he is - kind, generous, understanding, patient.



ToadOfSteel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Sep 2007
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,157
Location: New Jersey

01 Dec 2010, 7:48 am

Sounds like something switched on in his brain, and for the first time, he actually cares about you... your wants and desires, your opinions and feelings, etc... He now has a personal stake in this relationship, and wants to see it succeed. I personally believe that you should be happy about that, but it's your life. Try and relay your point across to him about this (you may want to try relationship counseling as well).



emlion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,641

01 Dec 2010, 7:52 am

He's always cared about me - I always felt like he cared more when he would get angry when I would do some stupid things - now he just tells me he understands.

I think it's my problem completely - I know I should prefer him this way, I do. And, partially I feel like i'm just being stupid, and spoiled because he's the model partner - but I don't deserve that. I deserve for him to tell me when i'm being unreasonable - and he deserves to be able to do that, he shouldn't have to tip-toe around me when i'm being unreasonable and stupid.



AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,926
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

01 Dec 2010, 8:03 am

emlion wrote:
He's always cared about me - I always felt like he cared more when he would get angry when I would do some stupid things - now he just tells me he understands.

I think it's my problem completely - I know I should prefer him this way, I do. And, partially I feel like i'm just being stupid, and spoiled because he's the model partner - but I don't deserve that. I deserve for him to tell me when i'm being unreasonable - and he deserves to be able to do that, he shouldn't have to tip-toe around me when i'm being unreasonable and stupid.


You're being unreasonable. :wall:

Just go with it. He sounds like a great guy.



emlion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,641

01 Dec 2010, 8:05 am

He is a fantastic guy. Every other guy i've been with has been abusive - and I can't accept that this one isn't. It's just so alien to me.

Ugh. I don't know why i'm so screwed up in the head - why can't I just keep enjoying it instead of thinking he must have some other motive for being so nice to me all the time?



Aspie1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,652
Location: United States

01 Dec 2010, 8:34 am

<facepalm>

It's mentality like this that makes nice guys finish last. At this point, I wouldn't know what to recommend you. If you're going dump him, do it sooner, rather than later, before he gets too attached. If you're going to stay with him, don't withhold any physical affection you used to give him, like hugs, kissing, etc. Otherwise it's no different than a friend zone for him.



emlion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,641

01 Dec 2010, 8:46 am

I know - it's a stupid viewpoint. My head is screaming at me that i'm crazy, but my heart just can't tolerate the overtly nice guy.

He's already very attached - we both are. We live together and wake up and go to sleep together every day.
I love him very much - but everytime he's really nice, I just feel it a little less - then i'm apart from him while he/i'm at work I miss him terribly.

I don't understand why i'm feeling like this.

When he gets home today, I think i'm just going to tell him all of this and let him decide what to do.



Metal_Man
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Feb 2007
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 895
Location: The Gates of Babylon

01 Dec 2010, 9:00 am

Once again it is proven true that most women really do prefer jerks.


_________________
Can't get it right, no matter what I do, guess I'll just be me and keep [email protected]#$%G up for you!
It goes on and on and on, it's Heaven and Hell! Ronnie James Dio - He was simply the greatest R.I.P.


ikorack
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 15 Mar 2009
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,870

01 Dec 2010, 9:25 am

emlion wrote:
I know - it's a very stupid viewpoint. My head is screaming at me that i'm crazy, but my heart just can't tolerate the overtly nice guy.

He's already very attached - we both are. We live together and wake up and go to sleep together every day.
I love him very much - but everytime he's really nice, I just feel it a little less - then i'm apart from him while he/i'm at work I miss him terribly.

I don't understand why i'm feeling like this.

When he gets home today, I think i'm just going to tell him all of this and let him decide what to do.



RightGalaxy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2008
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,529

01 Dec 2010, 9:42 am

Always be honest. Let him know how you feel. Maybe he'll decide you're just not for him.



Moog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 17,671
Location: Untied Kingdom

01 Dec 2010, 9:43 am

Metal_Man wrote:
Once again it is proven true that most women really do prefer jerks.


Emlion is only one woman, and one with a particular kind of history.

Have you spoke about this with a therapist, Emlion? Am I right in remembering that you were seeing one?


_________________
Not currently a moderator


emlion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,641

01 Dec 2010, 9:50 am

Moog wrote:
Metal_Man wrote:
Once again it is proven true that most women really do prefer jerks.


Emlion is only one woman, and one with a particular kind of history.

Have you spoke about this with a therapist, Emlion? Am I right in remembering that you were seeing one?


Yes, I do see one but I'm afraid to talk to her about it - she'll just think i'm stupid like everyone here has.

I don't want to feel this way - I want to feel like I deserve him to be nice to me - but I don't.
I don't deserve him to be this nice. I deserve someone who treats me bad.



emlion
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,641

01 Dec 2010, 9:51 am

Metal_Man wrote:
Once again it is proven true that most women really do prefer jerks.


I'm just used to being with 'jerks' - it's hard to accept that someone could be as nice as he is, without having some horrible motive behind it.