Talking about my problems waay too much

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I posted this on another board last night but I got no responces so far so I decided to try posting it here cause if there are other aspies with this problem...Id think there more likely to be female being that talking about your problems is steriotypically a "women" thing.

I think this a really weird problem to have for an aspie, I divulge my issues and problems way to easily to my friends and I ask for advice way to much. Ive known from past experience people just mostly find this a bit annoying and thats it. Recently, this majorly backfired into some misunderstandings between me and a friend. Recently I started talking about my problems with 2 other friends. 1 friend I was just concerned about her getting annoyed. The other friend...I just thinking it might backfire in a way different way. Hes way different from my other friend and approaches things way differently but then Im still concerned. Ive been talking to him a lot about his roommate who I have a huge crush on and somehow that evoulved into us talking about me and my problems. He keeps asking questions and I keep giving way too much information. Ive managed to lessen the problem talk over the past few years but I can still go on and on about my problems. I feel other people would have better judgement to keep the problem talk only to maybe a psych and close friend they know they can trust. I know I need to a psych but its really hard cause I keep traveling back and forth between home and school. I do see 1 at home tho. Transportion is hard at school and thats where 95% of my social life occurs. I barely have any friends at home and I dont see them that often. Its hard to not talk about my problems with someone. If someone ever asks me something, my answers are often waay too honest.

i don't really have friends, but i talk about my problems probably too much with my boyfriend.
and anyone online who asks really - i suppose it feels safe to explain them here because no-one here knows me in real life, so it's no threat to anything.
& well asking for advice is normal i think - how else can you know what to do when you're unsure, right?

Yeah I do feel "safe" to explain them on here and to online friends cause they dont really know me and if I scare them off its not as big of a deal but its not the same. Its harder for the person to really talk things out with me then in RL. As for asking for advice...yes its normal but I seriously go overboard. I ask for advice too much and I want very specific detailed advice.

on the wrongplanet.net face page, there's an article about self-disclosure and dating. The focus is on romantic relationships, but a lot of the advice could apply to other relationships too.

I talk about my problems WAY TO MUCH...

I do so much better putting my problems into text than saying them (although it's easier once I do the text thing), plus what you say above about feeling safer explaining things here and to online friends.

I don't ask for advice so much, although some of it is welcome unless I'm in a really contrary, stubborn mood. What I really dislike is when I talk about my problems and I start getting more than a basic amount of sympathy. Like elaborate sympathetic explanations and reassurances, at which point I feel like I'm drowning in someone else's image of what I'm like and feel like they're not listening.

I am so open and it gets worse with age it seems. Like, I don't know at what degree it becomes offensive. I just think if I'm talking with another "adult" its okay. But then I see the look on their face and then I know its too late.

I've learned this the hard way and with my obsessive thinking, I tend to talk about something over and over when it's bothering me so much. Well it can get you accused of doing gossip and being a bully if your problems happened to involve another person and if you keep talking about it to different people, you get that accusation. It sucks. But this was on a forum I did it on so I learned to try and keep it more private, leave it in PM or IM so the whole forum isn't seeing it nor lurkers and spies and making me out to be the bad guy. It's the same in real life too. Be careful where you talk about your problems. But even talking to people, they can still repeat what you said and go telling others about it, same as to the person you were talking about. Makes me sick. Don't people know to keep things like that private? Either they are that socially inept or they don't care. And people like to be the victim anyway and don't give rats if you were the victim. If their friend did something wrong and you talk about it, they are going to tell them what you said about them not giving rats their friend was the bad guy. A true friend would not do this and would try and help you resolve the issue than taking sides or just simply not getting involved because they don't want to escalate the drama between you two so going to that other friend to tell them what you said so they know your side of the story and to get it resolved would make it worse. Sometimes it doesn't escalate because people don't always care what the other person said about them but they still don't wish to hear their side and even resolve it. They just go "I don't care" and leave it. They just let that person think whatever they want about the situation even if their side was wrong.

But I am sure when people do go to that person telling them what you said about them, they think they are just trying to help and they think if that person hears your side, they will go to you and apologize. But nope, it doesn't work that way because some people get even more upset and then play the victim so it's sometimes best to not tell them what was said about them and just leave it and let them handle it themselves and figure it out.

If you are uncomfortable with the TMI, that's one issue but I'm not sure it can be attributed specifically to AS. I find that in general conversation with anyone, people are much more interested in talking about themselves. I've had people dominate entire conversations on me and then accuse me of talking too much. If sitting passively and agreeing or appearing 'engaged' by asking questions about what they've said is talking too much then I'm guilty. I've been watching this for years. I just don't bother to talk about myself anymore. I'd say 99% of all people I've talked to have never bothered to ask about me and my life.

In other words, talking about yourself and your problems seems 'normal'. Even the depth of it. Casual aquaintences, coworkers, even stangers have all discussed what I would consider a wildly inappropriate amount of personal detail about family problems, health concerns, bathroom habits,etc...

Thats true, I was thinking because I was aspie...I have less of a sense of what is appropriete to tell someone at a certain level of relationship. I didnt realize the potential adverse effects of this until the incident with my "friend". We werent close friends thats for sure. Most people just found me annoying at times. It allows people to judge you in the wrong direction without adequate information about you. Yes Ive had some people tell me things that I at times found like it was a bit TMI considering the level of our relationship, but it doesnt happen that often. My lab partner told me he was bipolar when I barely knew him which was pretty surprising that he told me that. It didnt really matter to me tho.

My only strategy (and I'm not saying its the most effective one - just the one I use) is to mimic people. In a relationship, I let other people take the lead. If they feel comfortable talking to me about their terrible childhood, I'll offer some of mine and see what happens. I'm very very cautious in person with my personal life. (a bit of my own TMI here...) I grew up with an alcoholic father so I learned very early to NOT talk about home. I can remember as early as preschool, knowing that my dad wasn't like other dad's and feeling ashamed. That is the root of all my caution - something I've been unable to shake still. I have a hard enough time making friends as it is but this deep seated need to hide my personal life has probably sabotaged a few friendships.

Still, I think the level of apropriate conversation is a very fluid thing. Depends on who you talk to. I think all kinds of people have issues with this at times.

I tell everyone everything.

I tell people about my past problems because I have no shame in them and a small part of me wants to it be acknowledged that I've come through a lot and achieved a lot, I talk about current issues simply because I like to complain...I'm trying to be more positive. But yes in general I tell people FAR too much, I can't say I fully understand why that is - I guess we don't have the thing in our head saying that we shouldn't tell people these things...but then I've known a few NT's like this too, and known how awkward it is being around such people.

I've found honesty works best. Tell them you have a tendency to talk about your problems too much ... if they don't want to put up with that part of you, that's that; if they get what you're saying and don't mind, well then you don't have to worry about over-venting. Being frank also weeds out the 'fake' friends that everyone seems to make at some point... the real friends won't mind if you vent too much, the fake ones will.

I also found this method really lowered my anxiety ... for anyone who gets anxious with social interaction. There's a lot less to worry about if you don't have to contemplate the other person's reaction to something.

Ok thats what I would have thought. The girl I was referring to was willing to put up with that part of me. However she was taking things too far to the point where she wanted to change me. And she completely mispercieved who I was. Basically I run into people at times who will be willing to listen and give me advice but they sit there and make wrong judgements themselves about me because of this.

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