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Blue Jay
Blue Jay

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Joined: 28 Jan 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 99

17 Jul 2011, 6:35 am

Husband has really not come to terms with his diagnosis of Aspergers. And I continue (in his mind) to be the one who abused him by having objections to him playing soccer 6 years ago.
I continue to try and explain to him how all our previous communications, arguments etc have been so misunderstood and confused because of neither of us understanding the other person. Every now and again there seems to be a glimmer of hope that he "gets it", but ultimately some hours or days later he is back to accusing me of the same old things with no consideration for my point of view. I am NEVER allowed to be upset about anything. He always reacts by being angry.

7 year old son is due to be assessed this week for his behavioural issues. Last night after a particularly stressful day/evening I moaned at my Husband for his lack of help in managing our sons issues. Husband got upset, I apologised and nothing further was said until this morning when he continued to be rude to me all morning. Complaining about anything he needed to do, speaking to me like sh** basically. When I questioned this I was told it was because i had not apologised enough for what I had said the previous evening. In fact, he considered the only reason I apologised was because he had commanded me to. (this is an absolute figment of his imagination because he was not aggressive at all last night). I apologised because I was taking out my frustration on him and it is not his fault that he does not have the skills to successfully manage discipline and emotional issues of our children.

Anyway, trying to have any logical conversation with him today was completely useless and things reached a boiling point when he found our daughter was sitting in his armchair. So he proceeded to slam around the house telling everyone how disrespectful we all area. He called me despicable names(the C word) in the front of the kids telling me how selfish I was. So I ask why, if i am so awful, he is still living here. I mean 3 weeks ago he went to view a studio flat to rent (at my encouragement). So, his reason for not moving there was because I did not give him any money to pay bond, rent in advance etc.
What ! He never asked for any money. He never applied for the property through the agent. In fact, he said nothing about it after the viewing.
So I told him this and asked if he could at least learn to communicate his needs if he wants something or perhaps he could learn how to use internet banking or how to access the bank balances.
I was furious at him speaking to me this way in front of the kids. never any acknowledgement about the things I do for this family and how much time i spend helping him cope with life and communication issues.
Trying to make sense of all this talk, incorrect perceptions of things, what he does and doesn't want. What is aspergers and what is just a horrible man who doesn't care about his family and how he behaves in front of them?


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Joined: 27 Jan 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 720

17 Jul 2011, 12:34 pm

Wow... please don't think that all Aspies behave like your husband. His disrespectful behavior is not an Asperger trait. It is an example of human nature. It doesn't excuse doing bad to others. It's the symptom of what your husband has gone through in his life incorrectly.

My husband (a NT) treated me like sh** for over a decade. I decided to stick with the 'for worse' part of our marriage and trust God for the outcome. 23 yrs. later, he has improved a lot. I'd love more improvements, but in the process of going through hell, I've learned a lot about myself that I wouldn't have learned otherwise and so has he.

Counselors couldn't help us, but having faith enough to follow God's will as expressed in the Bible did.

"Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." – Isaiah 66:2