Would this still be considered a special interest?

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ocdgirl123
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26 Jul 2011, 8:25 pm

There is a person that I think I'd might have a special interest in. However, I read that people with AS who have special interests in other people do things that the person they have the special interest considers stalking. I don't stalk the person, I don't even know where he lives! He has never mentioned that he I have done something that him uncomfortable.

Also, last year, I had a special interest in a different person, and I asked him once if he thought I was stalking him at all and he said "no"

So, for an aspie to have a special interest in a person, does it have to involve stalking?



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26 Jul 2011, 8:32 pm

No, stalking is just an extreme. You can want to study them, know about them, their interests, their habits, etc. I had a special interest in my ex but I realized why and now we're not together.



littlelily613
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26 Jul 2011, 8:33 pm

It depends on how much focus you put into it. I don't think it has to lead to stalking, but just a plain teenage interest in someone can also be normal. When I was in high school, I think I made a couple people a special interest, but I would not consider what I did stalking.


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26 Jul 2011, 8:48 pm

Aspies can cross boundaries and make someone feel uncomfortable. My husband had trouble with his girlfriends before me. One accused him of stalking her. He doesn't stalk, he just doesn't know the boundaries. If you know the boundaries, you are fine. You might make a few mistakes but generally you're fine.


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BillyIdolFan217
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26 Jul 2011, 11:27 pm

Ok as many of u know I am obsessed with Billy Idol! He is my special interest. But as obsessed as I am, and his CD cover and his music are my comfort object and security blanket that go everywhere I go, I would never go to incredible lengths to stalk him at all! That`s not me I would never wanna scare him away because I love him!


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27 Jul 2011, 1:22 am

Quote:
So, for an aspie to have a special interest in a person, does it have to involve stalking?

No, it doesn't have to involve stalking at all. Throughout my life certain other people have been my special interests, it has been different people at different times but there has nearly always been someone who is on my mind all the time and I fantasise a lot about being with that person and being able to be close to them and about the kind of friendships that I would like to have with them. I believe this can happen in any situation where a person's desire to be able to enjoy close, loving relationships with other people is greater than their ability to actually achieve that.

It's only happened once, about 20 years ago that I ever did something that could have been called stalking, and after doing that I unfortunately felt I couldn't see that person again :( If I have a special interest in someone I would usually be far too embarrassed to let them know I like them. I feel very shy around them, find it difficult to talk to them and depend very much on them to come to me to interact. Ane like BillyIdolFan217 says, I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt the person or make them feel uncomfortable because I love them. If I'm not sure of the boundaries I would always err on the side of caution.


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Surfman
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27 Jul 2011, 1:35 am

I had a stalker. She would hide in my garden and broke into my home. Not nice

Placeing sexual interest on a boy is okay for a girl, but aspie men have to careful they are not labelled as a creep for staring



SammichEater
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27 Jul 2011, 3:24 am

Whenever I try to be nice and befriend someone it always ends in that person accusing me of stalking them. I still can't figure out why.


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kittie
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27 Jul 2011, 8:45 am

I agree, stalking is just an extreme!

I think I have a special interest in someone right now - but I've never even had the guts to talk to them. I guess it involves 'facebook stalking' but nothing else, at all.



EmmaUK12
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27 Jul 2011, 8:52 am

I would say it is a special interest. I myself have had this with three or four different people, it's the same feeling I have with my other interests intense focus, feeling happy when around them, spending lots of time with them...



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27 Jul 2011, 10:51 am

My special interest is disabilities. I volunteer with disabled kids and try my best to find out every kid's diagnosis even if I'm not working with that kid. When I see someone with a visible disability out in public, I try not to be obvious about it but I tend to stare at them a lot and sometimes I'll follow them a bit to watch what they do. I also read about disabilities all the time, and write stories about people with disabilities.



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27 Jul 2011, 11:04 am

I try to confine my special interests in people to fictional characters. It can be very easy to do things another person might consider intrusive, so do try to tone things down and spend loads of time with other interests that do not involve real-world people who might take your interest the wrong way. (Maybe you can try only talking with them on Mondays and Thursdays?)

If your behavior is perceived as crossing the line and folks call you a stalker, maybe there is a therapist you can talk things over with who can give you an objective view on what behaviors, regarding other people, will be considered 'normal' and which are likely to be considered excessive.



ocdgirl123
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27 Jul 2011, 12:37 pm

I don't have any other interests. :(

Did you even read my post? I think you should read my post.

I find fictional characters can be rather boring.

By the way, I'm not allowed to watch Anime. Too violent.



K-R-X
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27 Jul 2011, 12:54 pm

If it is in the context of a relationship, then generally no (aside from possibly being too possessive). If it is not than it could turn out to be stalkish if you let it go too far.



ocdgirl123
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27 Jul 2011, 1:00 pm

K-R-X wrote:
If it is in the context of a relationship, then generally no (aside from possibly being too possessive). If it is not than it could turn out to be stalkish if you let it go too far.


I think you misunderstood my question. I asked if a special interest with a person has to involve stalking, not if I was stalking.