How do you talk to people when not asking for help?

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Uhura
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01 Feb 2012, 9:15 pm

That's the only time I know how to bring up a conversation. I hate it and know I seem negative. I'm not as negative as people see me, I just don't know how to talk to people. If they talk to me, I might be able to join if it is a topic I understand but how do I start conversations when I don't need help? I hate being seen as negative when I'm not feeling that way. Even now and in groups, that is the only way I know to start a conversation.



MusicIsLife2Me
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01 Feb 2012, 11:51 pm

Maybe just practice small talk? I know it seems a little boring but maybe start off like "hello how are you?"
Ask what people did with their day. Make small comments on the things they say. You may even get into a lengthy nice conversation by starting off with some small talk. Its what's helped me,practice :)


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kBillingsley
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02 Feb 2012, 12:06 am

There is only a select few that I ever ask for help, but as for anyone else: I do not trust their judgement. Typically when trying to initiate a conversation, the convention is to open with a subject of interest to the party addressed, and build the conversation from there. Do not try to dominate the conversation, but rather guide it with a few key phrases. Listen more than speak, and try to give nonverbal signals of interest and engagement (even when they are flat-out lies.) The technique is called "active listening," and is often used by interviewers and reporters to make the interviewed more at ease, and make for an overall more pleasant experience for the individual in question.



RandomNickname
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02 Feb 2012, 1:03 am

MusicIsLife2Me wrote:
Maybe just practice small talk? I know it seems a little boring but maybe start off like "hello how are you?"
Ask what people did with their day. Make small comments on the things they say. You may even get into a lengthy nice conversation by starting off with some small talk. Its what's helped me,practice :)


I did that to a person at the bus stop today and

Woman : Hello
Me : Hiya, How are you ?
Woman : I'm Good Thanks
Me : Why are you good?
Woman : I don't know
Me : How can you not know?
Woman : *Puts earphones in*

I understand what i did wrong now. :]

Another example

Me: Hi, How are you today?
Old Woman: Oh i'm coping, my husband died last week
Me : Oh i'm sorry,I'm sure he's in a better place
Old woman : You're saying that he was in a bad place? *Walks off*

I've stopped asking now. The awkward silences are far better and less stressful.


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RobotGreenAlien2
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02 Feb 2012, 7:07 pm

You want to talk about something in common. When you don't know the person what you have in common is the envoirnment, the wheather, the delayed bus, the long que.
Once there is some back and forth ask some questions, nothing too prying. Again start with something you observe. Like "so are you off shopping?" allow them to open up, keep them talking for a while.
As they're going make mental notes of follow up questions an



Uhura
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02 Feb 2012, 11:30 pm

RandomNickname,
I don't think the problems in the second coversation were your fault. I mean, 'in a better place' usually implies 'than earth' so I don't see what you did wrong in that.

RobotGreenAlien2, what do you mean by long que? The only que I know of is when you print smething and it tells you how many are in que.

I don't know if I will ever be able to really naturally start conversations about things. But I might be able to get to where I can join them if they are about things that make sense. I did sit in the same row as the others in my sign language class tonight, instead of alone in the back row.