Special Interest Ruining Relationship

Page 1 of 1 [ 8 posts ] 

Pandora_Box
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299

25 Mar 2012, 7:45 pm

Anyone ever have their special interest ruin their relationship?

I only have two special interest and I go periodically between them. And the thing is I get so intense and obsessed with it, it becomes the only thing I think about. But it ruinining my relationship with my girlfriend.

Anyone else been in the same boat?



TechnoDog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Feb 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 869
Location: Thornaby, UK

25 Mar 2012, 7:51 pm

Moderation is key.

Your gf needs time spent together. Romantic candle lit fondue food (mmm fondue), on the floor with a good film?

& maybe some playful communication.


_________________
INTJ, Type5 Observer, Ecologists,
?When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.?


jpr11011
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jan 2012
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 116

25 Mar 2012, 8:21 pm

I use this rule: when talking about your special interest, limit your talking about it to three sentences at a time. No run-on sentences either :P



Pandora_Box
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299

25 Mar 2012, 8:49 pm

What happens if I haven't really been actively involved in our relationship because I have been walled up doing my special interest?

My issue is that lately I have been rather busy with volunteering and schooling and never have a proper time to rejuvenate by myself. Usually I am so tired that I just come home and pass out. I haven't spent time with my GF because I am exhausted from socializing and just want me time. But that means I am not focusing my time on her. Which is bad.

Maybe I'm not good for her.



TechnoDog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Feb 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 869
Location: Thornaby, UK

25 Mar 2012, 10:15 pm

Pandora_Box wrote:
What happens if I haven't really been actively involved in our relationship because I have been walled up doing my special interest?


Moderation takes time. Look at the Taoism part.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moderation

Pandora_Box wrote:
My issue is that lately I have been rather busy with volunteering and schooling and never have a proper time to rejuvenate by myself. Usually I am so tired that I just come home and pass out. I haven't spent time with my GF because I am exhausted from socializing and just want me time. But that means I am not focusing my time on her.


Can you not shift the volunteering around to create time for your GF. Maybe your just overstretching yourself. Like you say rejuvenate yourself, means your stretching yourself too far.

If your volunteering everyday maybe you can cut back on it. So you can redirect it at your GF.

It also might be your doing it on purpose to avoid your GF. Don't need to think that your not good enough, just need to solve the problem.


_________________
INTJ, Type5 Observer, Ecologists,
?When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.?


Last edited by TechnoDog on 25 Mar 2012, 10:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Pandora_Box
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299

25 Mar 2012, 10:29 pm

TechnoDog wrote:
Pandora_Box wrote:
What happens if I haven't really been actively involved in our relationship because I have been walled up doing my special interest?


Moderation takes time. Look at the Taoism part.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moderation

Pandora_Box wrote:
My issue is that lately I have been rather busy with volunteering and schooling and never have a proper time to rejuvenate by myself. Usually I am so tired that I just come home and pass out. I haven't spent time with my GF because I am exhausted from socializing and just want me time. But that means I am not focusing my time on her.


Can you not shift the volunteering around to create time for your GF. Maybe your just over stretching yourself. Like you say rejuvenate yourself, means your stretching yourself too far.

If your volunteering everyday maybe you can cut back on it. So you can redirect it at your GF.

It also might be your doing it on purpose to avoid your GF. Don't need to think that your not good enough, just need to solve the problem.



My schedule goes something like this

Tuesday and Friday are mandatory class for my college 3hrs long

Wednesay I am going through my training 3hrs

Saturday training 3hrs

Thursday is not as open, it's a sort of quick day depending on who needs what

Friday, Monday, and Sunday I am open 3hrs



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 101,911
Location: Hanging out with my fellow Sweet Peas at Stalag 13

26 Mar 2012, 3:51 am

I had a special interest between 2005 and 2006 that ruined a friendship/relationship. I guess that it was seen as a problem, because nobody mourns the demise of an inanimate object such as a bus, no matter how special that type of bus still is to me. It got to the point where I became afraid to talk or write too many words to that person, out of fear of mentioning that special interest one time too many and getting reprimanded by that person for doing so. I was retreating into my shell out of fear. That friendship ended on a sour note. We have long since made up.


_________________
Schultz

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


Pandora_Box
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Dec 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,299

26 Mar 2012, 10:39 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I had a special interest between 2005 and 2006 that ruined a friendship/relationship. I guess that it was seen as a problem, because nobody mourns the demise of an inanimate object such as a bus, no matter how special that type of bus still is to me. It got to the point where I became afraid to talk or write too many words to that person, out of fear of mentioning that special interest one time too many and getting reprimanded by that person for doing so. I was retreating into my shell out of fear. That friendship ended on a sour note. We have long since made up.


I get so intent on my own special interest, and I cannot fix that. I need my special interest to feel better and comfortable. And I wish she'd understand that. I'm not trying to blow her off. I just feel I hardlyget time to myself any more.