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lady_katie
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05 Oct 2012, 10:13 am

I really wish that I wasn't so emotionally invested in the thought of people believing that I have AS, and I really don't know how to just let it go. I just feel so alone in this, and I feel like I need support from my friends and family, but they refuse to give it.

I'm an emotional wreck today over my mother in laws response last night. For some reason, I really, really want her love, approval, validation, etc. (in general, not just in this case)- and no matter what I do she just refuses to give it to me. I had made sure that I waited until an Aspergers specialist at least agreed with me that it's very likely that I have it, before I mentioned it to her, just to minimize the chances of her not taking me seriously. I also informed her that my son is being screened for early intervention in 2 weeks (you know, since she's his grandmother and all, I thought she might like to know). I told her BEFORE she responded that I'm very stressed out and upset over it because my friends and family have abandoned me in my time of need, hoping that would help her to be a little more sensitive towards me. Her response was that "ADD is over-diagnosed" (I guess implying that everything is?) and that she doesn't have a lot of faith in western medicine. :roll:

I was up half the night trying to understand how she could be so insensitive, and why her own ignorant opinions based on absolutely nothing can possibly take precedence over lending support. Now I'm just tired and cranky and struggling to understand :(

I wish there was a way that I could stop feeling like I need other people to believe me and lend me support. I just feel like I need to talk about what I'm going through with [real life] people who [supposedly] care about me.



thewhitrbbit
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05 Oct 2012, 10:25 am

Just to play devil's advocate, are you pretty well adjusted?



jonny23
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05 Oct 2012, 10:27 am

It always hurts when people dismiss the problems you're having. When they do it minimizes you and your feelings. It's belittling.



lady_katie
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05 Oct 2012, 11:07 am

thewhitrbbit wrote:
are you pretty well adjusted?


Not really, I think that's part of the reason that I'm trying to share this with my friends and family - in hopes of them understanding some of my difficulties and being a little bit more understanding. For example, maybe they'll be less offended when I don't want to visit over night because their environment is complete and utter chaos and it drives me out of my mind. Or...if they are really insistent, maybe they'll try to make my stay a little easier for me instead of just being confused and mad at me for not behaving in a way that makes sense to them.



lady_katie
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05 Oct 2012, 11:10 am

jonny23 wrote:
It always hurts when people dismiss the problems you're having. When they do it minimizes you and your feelings. It's belittling.


Yeah, that's pretty much how I feel - belittled. Especially when they talk down to me, acting like I don't have a brain in my head because I cannot communicate my thoughts as rapidly or as clearly as them.



SpectrumWarrior
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05 Oct 2012, 2:36 pm

I'm not sure they're worth the effort. People believe what they want to believe, truth be damned... just look at religion.

The problem isn't your mother-in-law being herself, but your desire for her approval. You should focus more on trying to accept her instead of getting her to accept you.

That said, it's human nature to want approval from people in your life, especially a mother-in-law, but there's no rule saying she has to give it. From the sound of it, she probably never will either. She might just disagree with you out of spite or that sense of know-it-all superiority that resists conceding even the possibility they could be wrong.

She sounds like she doesn't want to bother with understanding your point of view. I know you may not like that, but if you don't work on accepting her for what she is you're sure to exacerbate your stress levels even more.

I can tell you from personal experience that any thought process devoted to figuring out why others won't accept you is a waste. They will or they won't and the ones that won't aren't worth the effort. Find yourself someone who is.



emimeni
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05 Oct 2012, 6:14 pm

You care because you're human. Well-adjusted or not.


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JockGitJnr
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05 Oct 2012, 9:11 pm

You are not the only one. I have had many people, Despite the professionals (Not official) telling me I have Aspergers. Luckily I have had a Supportive uncle through it all as mum mother will not accept until I have had a diagnosis and my father is in mixed minds. This is a conversation with an acquaintance ( I call him that because he has never helped me and never will) today.

Me: I am currently looking for a doctor. I am trying to get diagnosed for Aspergers. Then I am going to look for a job in Data input or something
Him: Jock (Name changed), you don't have Aspergers
Me:Prove it, Because so far 1 phycologist and 1 nurse has said I have it, also 1 person with Aspergers themselves
Him: If you actually get diagnosed with it... Get DLA (Disability Living Allowance) and give me half
Me: No, DLA doesn't matter to me.
Him: So why else are you trying to get diagnosed if not DLA?
Me: To help myself understand me. I have had a problem with understanding myself since at least Yr 7 ( 12/13 years old for people not living in England)
Him: Are you sure it's Aspergers and not just social anxiety? I mean yeah, social anxiety is a part of it
Me: You tell me that you get angry because people are making loud noises and you sleep with your covers over your head because of light and you can control the volume of your voice....This one you always said I was shouting. I may have blamed it on a crap ear but that was BS. Also I can't seem to hear what people are saying and I had hearing test all the way through my child hood for this reason
Also you may not know this but my silk addiction. The labels of clothes. I always have them with me.

After that he shut up because he didn't have an answer. Most people don't understand things unless they have something to compare to. People are scared of difference, you just need to get them to like you for who you are. If they don't then you should try and keep interaction with them to a minimum.

A quick story about hoe Nts like to compare is this:

My Dad's Girl Friend has social anxiety. This is part of my Asperger's. When I gave her some information about the syndrome, she instantly sound the most relevant part and said welll I might have it too.

It annoys me that people think they can dismiss it that easily. I am sorry if this did not answer anything because I sort of went on a rant and can't remember the initial question. I hope you sort out the problem soon. :)


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