Aspie girl worried my kids will be autistic

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Mrsalien
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15 Dec 2012, 8:02 am

My husband and I are planning to have kids soon. I am diagnosed with aspergers my husband is NT but there is a possibility his brother is aspie. My father has aspergers and his sister is in diagnosed but I'd say severely autistic. It's even possible his other sister has aspergers too. My brother and sister are NT.

I'm quite concerned that my children will be severely autistic. Is it likely?



Heidi80
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15 Dec 2012, 9:06 am

It's quite likely. But as an aspie yourself, you'll probably know how to raise a child on the spectrum. It's only good if there'll be more
people on the spectrum.



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15 Dec 2012, 9:40 am

Hi Mrsalien - if, like myself, your maternal instinct is very strong, nothing in the world will stop you from having your family ... and if they are anywhere on the spectrum, finding the very best ways of helping both them and you to manage your lives as happily and as healthily as possible. As an asperger mum, I researched autism/AS to the hilt, advocated with my heart and my soul to safeguard their mental health in school, and when they let me down in that regard, I home educated.

You can have a beautiful family, one that enjoys doing things together as well as respecting the need for alone time, a family that supports each other through thick and thin - though nothing worthwhile in life is ever easy. I look back at what our family has been through, particularly with our youngest and I think it's all about strength and determination. Family is precious.

Wishing you well. xx



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15 Dec 2012, 10:05 am

I would say the possibility that your kids may not be typically wired may be higher than average, but I don't know that I'd say it's quite likely they would have severe autism.

My personal opinion is that if you want to have children and you and your husband have the temperaments to be good parents, then have kids. Either your own or through adoption. But don't let fear of something hold you back.


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15 Dec 2012, 11:02 am

InThisTogether wrote:
I would say the possibility that your kids may not be typically wired may be higher than average, but I don't know that I'd say it's quite likely they would have severe autism.

My personal opinion is that if you want to have children and you and your husband have the temperaments to be good parents, then have kids. Either your own or through adoption. But don't let fear of something hold you back.


This.

You might have kids that spend their lives screaming and banging their heads against walls.

You might have the next Temple Grandin or Albert Einstein.

You might have the next John/Jane Q. Public. That's actually probable.

It's theoretically possible that you'll have someone who rivals Albert Einstein while quoting Temple Grandin while banging her head against a wall on Monday, and behaves just like Jane Public on Wednesday.

If you want kids and you've got the temperament to raise kids, have kids. NOBODY knows what's going to happen, even when they can be relatively certain they will have NT kids. It's an unknown, and you do the best you can for the children you get.


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Mrsalien
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15 Dec 2012, 8:25 pm

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to reply :)



lady_katie
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16 Dec 2012, 1:02 pm

I've been wondering about this too. My husband and I both found out that we're on the spectrum around the time that we discovered that our son likely has classic autism (still on diagnostic eval. waiting list). The thought of having another child has come up, but we're waiting until we feel that we can handle another special needs child (if ever).

I guess that my question at this point would be....If two Aspie's have a child together, does that child have a greater chance of having severe autism? Or would it be that they have a greater chance of having AS?



Lesley1978
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16 Dec 2012, 7:47 pm

My cousin has Aspergers and my son has classic autism (he is moderate I think).

I would not take away having my son, but at the same time, I think it is good to accept that you could have a child with autism.

I don't think it is a reason not to have a child.

I think it is just realistic to think it is possible.

I have found, since having my own child, that my parents and aunt and uncle (the older generation), did not do that well with accepting and describing my cousin's Aspergers. Partly that is b/c they did not have knowledge, the Internet, or even an diagnosis for him (despite taking him to special clinics and things like that).

So, you would have your own "story" and would not have to continue on with your parents'. It sounds like they might be a little secretive or fearful about it, or I could be projecting that. But I cannot blame my parents and aunt and uncle, they were living in a different time with no resources, and they are open to learning things now, even moreso now that my son has autism, too.

If there is anything you can deal with as far as how accepting your family is of autism, I would try to address that before having a child, if possible. It would be easier than having things come to light if "you" are pursuing things for your own child and it makes them uncomfortable. But at a certain point that is not your problem! But if you could hand out books or anything, that might be nice to do ahead of time. Or, not. Just some ideas I have.

At the same time, maybe your kids will be nothing like you can imagine right now!! !! ! They will be who they are, and it is impossible to know ahead of time!

My sister maybe has some mild Aspergers symptoms, and her daughter is very social and outgoing. There have been times when my niece has asked for social advice or support and my sister doesn't know what to say to her. But, it is not a big deal, my sister is a great mom, and she can find things out for my niece even if she doesn't know the answer herself. Plus , she has a husband who knows about most of these things.



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16 Dec 2012, 8:20 pm

I think you will have a child that will be fine. Go for it and dont worry.

Once they are born however, I REALLY do advise you to not expose them to noise. Keep the environment quiet. Excessive noise over excites the neurons and causes plasticity to occur in flash not allowing sufficient time for emotional literacy to occur with the benefits is passive learning.

You dont have to worry so much. Why worry about having very bright children? Most people in other countries really want that!



Mrsalien
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16 Dec 2012, 10:48 pm

Lesley1978 wrote:
My cousin has Aspergers and my son has classic autism (he is moderate I think).

I would not take away having my son, but at the same time, I think it is good to accept that you could have a child with autism.

I don't think it is a reason not to have a child.

I think it is just realistic to think it is possible.

I have found, since having my own child, that my parents and aunt and uncle (the older generation), did not do that well with accepting and describing my cousin's Aspergers. Partly that is b/c they did not have knowledge, the Internet, or even an diagnosis for him (despite taking him to special clinics and things like that).

So, you would have your own "story" and would not have to continue on with your parents'. It sounds like they might be a little secretive or fearful about it, or I could be projecting that. But I cannot blame my parents and aunt and uncle, they were living in a different time with no resources, and they are open to learning things now, even moreso now that my son has autism, too.

If there is anything you can deal with as far as how accepting your family is of autism, I would try to address that before having a child, if possible. It would be easier than having things come to light if "you" are pursuing things for your own child and it makes them uncomfortable. But at a certain point that is not your problem! But if you could hand out books or anything, that might be nice to do ahead of time. Or, not. Just some ideas I have.

At the same time, maybe your kids will be nothing like you can imagine right now!! !! ! They will be who they are, and it is impossible to know ahead of time!

My sister maybe has some mild Aspergers symptoms, and her daughter is very social and outgoing. There have been times when my niece has asked for social advice or support and my sister doesn't know what to say to her. But, it is not a big deal, my sister is a great mom, and she can find things out for my niece even if she doesn't know the answer herself. Plus , she has a husband who knows about most of these things.


It's interesting you picked up on that! I went about getting myself diagnosed actually. My mother is a counsellor and was the one who realised my father has aspergers. He gets very upset and insulted if you mention it to him and was rather aggressive when I told him I'd been diagnosed. I knew for years he had it but it was a bit of a shock to me to realise I also did. I think female and male traits can be different. Ive told all my friends and im open about it. I'd like to show mu father it's nothing to be ashamed of.

His sister who I believe is autistic is very disabled. She is 40 and lives with her elderly mother and does not work. That is what concerns me. She has never been diagnosed, i'd say that's because back then there was less awareness.



Lesley1978
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17 Dec 2012, 1:02 am

When you say you are concerned, are you concerned that no one is prepared to help your aunt after your grandmother passes, or are you concerned you could have a child who is as severe as your aunt?

If you are concerned about the first, maybe you could speak to your mother about it. Maybe they do have some plans but have not wanted to tell you.

If the second, then yes, I do think you could have a child who is closer to your aunt.

The usual caveat here is that your child would have the benefit of your understanding and knowledge, and school services. I think it is a huge advantage. Can if guarantee awesome results? No. But I think it is a wonderful thing anyway.

I can tell you that no parent will tell you not to have kids. It is not in the nature of parents. That doesn't mean there are not people making a decision not to have kids b/c the risk.

I really love my cousin and am okay with the idea I may be helping to care for him in later years. So that is a reality and something I have known about for a while. I also have two sisters and my oldest sister is very close to my cousin, too. My aunt and uncle have got a trust set up for my cousin, he can work some but he is not 100% independent. Right now is not an easy time to find a job.

Now my son, I don't know if he will be independent or not. I have got 2 other kids and 2 nieces, and they all love my son. They all know about my cousin and that he needs help (it is my niece's mom who does a lot with my cousin).

So, yes, it is possible. But for me, Eli is my youngest kid, and so I know he has got a brother and sister and two cousins, just in case.

I don't know if you are thinking of these things, I was not thinking of anything like it before I had kids. But I think it would be very stressful right now if I didn't have a good feeling about my cousin and feel like he is loved in my family and that we will watch out for him. Plus practically, I have two sister who will also help with my cousin. Honestly, intead of me being one of the main people, now it is like, "Lesley is going to be busy with Eli, so we can't think she will do much with Cousin." But there are a lot of people in my family who are doing well, so I think it is okay.



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18 Dec 2012, 12:14 am

Mrsalien wrote:
My husband and I are planning to have kids soon. I am diagnosed with aspergers my husband is NT but there is a possibility his brother is aspie. My father has aspergers and his sister is in diagnosed but I'd say severely autistic. It's even possible his other sister has aspergers too. My brother and sister are NT.

I'm quite concerned that my children will be severely autistic. Is it likely?
'
To answer your question, there is a statistically higher chance than average that one of your children may have "low functioning" autism based on your family history. Only you and your husband will know if you have the aptitude and capacity (not to mention family/friends support and resources) to cope with bringing up a child on the spectrum. You both need to be prepared if you go down that path.