I think I'm done trying with people

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I just spent my whole Sunday cleaning my place, preparing for guests I had invited...my neighbors, and a girl I went on a date with last weekend. Cleaned my place from top to bottom, made it sparkle, went to the store to buy a few things to make drinks for everyone, and I was really looking forward to it.

Then, ten minutes before they were due to arrive, my neighbor texted to cancel, because he threw his back out. And the girl said she message me today to let me know if she could make it or not...no message at all.

You know what? Aspies aren't the problem. NTs ARE. So inconsiderate, so capricious. Maybe they can afford to be because socializing is so easy for them.

I try my hardest, and I put myself out there, and yet, here I am on a weekend evening alone again. All I've done this whole weekend is work, and see my parents. I know I'm missing out on so much, and yet no matter how hard I try, still I am alone.

This is why I'm so desperate to find a woman...because socializing simply isn't doing it. I'm told to go out and meet people. I'm trying that, and yet, people don't come when I invite, or they cancel at the last minute, or they don't respond at all.

If I can find a woman to love and marry, then I wouldn't have to worry about socializing. We'd have each other.

Or maybe it is my lot in life to be alone. To work? To devote my life to my work as a filmmaker, and just give up on people? Yet I fear I'm not even any good at that.

I see myself more and more as not just a failure professionally, but a failure as a human being, unable to connect at any level. God I wish I just had some to...hug.

Instead I'm alone...and I feel I could cry. What is the point of it all?

I spend most of my weekends alone-I have tried to go out and socialize-I go places by myself and I see people like at the bookstore their with other people hanging out and I get frustrated and leave-I get invited out sometimes but not often and feel left out in life. No matter what people NT or on the spectrum say-its not easy to get out and meet people-not for me anyway-I would like a relationship too but it doesnt lok like I ever will.

<--- Lonely for life.

Consider yourself fortunate to realize this earlier in life. It eliminates decades of self-inflicted unjustified torture.

Another thing you can be thankful for is that you are single. What's worse than being alone is being married for life to someone who makes you feel more alone than when you were single. At least when you're single, you have hope in finding someone who will be a companion. Once you have children, you're life is no longer just yours.

I am sensing that you are trying to seek salvation within others instead of finding it within yourself first. This is why you continue to suffer.

No person is designed to not need to feel love. I thank God for pets.

My cats have done a lot to keep me sane, and every day I pet them and hold them, I thank God for bringing them to me.

I gived up a long time ago.

There is no one out there for me,
but I can live with that.

I'm not an aspie (or in the spectrum) but hate socializing. I met my spouse via internet who has similar social tendencies. There is someone out there for everyone so don't give up! My spouse is a bit more social than I am but by a hairline. We spend a lot of time together, including my ASD son. Works for us. When I get invited out to social gatherings, I often bail. I've started being honest about what I like and what I don't, and quite frankly, I don't like superficial chit-chat. It is pointless and when people ask me how I'm doing .. I know they're not all that interested to know the truth. It's all about the song and dance of getting them to tell you what's happening in their life. Does that put me in the spectrum? lol

Just go ahead and give up on them. They are only getting worse as their society becomes more and more disgusting.

My big problem is having them fail to keep appointments with me. Since they know I will forgive them, they keep doing it - to the point where one work associate made 23 appointments along the way and kept on 5 of them! They are completely inconsiderate.

G

5 people isn't a significant sample size, OP.

I agree with the other respondents that your main point is basically correct, but remember that there ARE respondents.

The reality is that maybe 5% of the population, if that, is well-tuned to get along with you. With any of us; we each have our 5%.

The trick is finding them.

Think about your interests and desires. What would you love to spend time talking about or working on or watching or playing or whatever? Then find some people or groups that share those interests. Meetup.com might be good, or googling local support groups, or asking on here for local group recommendations, or whatever.

Believe in your 5% and look for them.

If you think NTs are the problem, how about finding other Aspies in your area and become friends with them?
Is there a local support group in your area?

+1. Many of the Aspies I know are friends with each other and they met through support and social groups. You may find that you're more comfortable socializing with them.

Not a good attitude to have, because people usually like to be around a variety of other people and not just their partner. If you think this way, your partner may see you as controlling because you may not allow her to go see her friends or invite people over. Having a partner will NOT solve your loneliness problem, as much as you want it to, because negative thinking is not attractive to women. The only way to solve it is to break free from your negative and catastrophic thoughts, and the only way to do that is for someone to help you sort these out.

I've learned from my own experience that negative thoughts like the ones you are having may lead to a self-fufilling prophecy. If you complain about how lonely and desperate you are, people may not see this as a good quality to have in a friend. People may avoid you and not see you as someone that they'd like to be around. Think about how you act when you're with other people: do you come across as desperate at all? It could possibly be the reason you are driving these people away.

There is no "quick fix" for something like this. I think you need someone to talk to about your feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. Have you considered seeing a therapist?

I agree with this.



I agree with this too. You can also find aspie-friendly therapists. You can call a practice and ask if any of the counselors have experience counseling people with ASD.

I think if you make yourself the best YOU you can be, which I think was anneurysm's point, and then remember that everyone is unique in their own way and that there are always people somewhere who would get along great with you (JBlitzen's point, I think), then it should help you through the lonely times knowing that it won't last forever.

I've considered it, and I've been in Apsie groups before. I just can't really tolerate them much. There was a meetup group for Aspies, but it wound up attracting everyone with social anxiety disorder and all these other frustrating problems, and everyone was so damned shy no one took the initiative.

And at the end of the day, I don't want to be associated with aspies, or known as an aspie. I want to be normal, and I want to be liked for being normal. I think too often Aspies blame themselves. They just wallow. At least I try and make an effort to put myself out there, and now, I think maybe I'll just opt for a more solitary life, and be content in that. But at least I tried to reach out.