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Companion
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

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Joined: 6 Jun 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 33

30 Jan 2013, 9:19 pm

Hello, I'm fairly new here. I'm a "maybe" Aspie, it was suggested by a doc a few years ago but I haven't followed up on it, OCD also so that confuses things sometimes....anyway.....

I have only the (tenuous) social circle I had in high school, over 10 years ago (!), and for job reasons I don't live in the same city as them anymore... I just can't seem to get a social circle started, I've lived in St. Paul for 4 years but no dice. Everyone my age seems to have gotten married and is pairing off in couples (not me). I've tried church, clubs, classes, nothing seems to connect me with people and activities I find interesting, all I've got is coworkers and although they are nice they are not serious friends.
I don't have much of a social drive but I know inteleculally that a person needs a social circle, people to support you when you're down or need something, I'm working without a social safety net and I'm at a loss. What do I do?

Is this typical of aspies? No social circle and a Severe lack of social drive? I haven't "made a new friend" since before I was a teenager, and my ONE good friend and I have drifted totally apart.



redrobin62
Veteran
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Joined: 2 Apr 2012
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,009
Location: Seattle, WA

31 Jan 2013, 12:13 am

There might be a meetup group near you for whatever criteria you desire - Scrabble players, Asperger's, etc. The link is below for your convenience. You can thank me later.

Meetup



BMctav
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 13 Jan 2012
Age: 45
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Posts: 145

31 Jan 2013, 3:08 am

Companion wrote:
Is this typical of aspies? No social circle and a Severe lack of social drive? I haven't "made a new friend" since before I was a teenager, and my ONE good friend and I have drifted totally apart.


It's typical of people in general, with or without AS.

To create a social circle you need to meet new people. If you have a hobby or interest, you could join a club/society in your area. You could also try volunteering. Or joing a a recreational cycling club or fun-running club; I've done this and runners are some of the nicest people you can meet and very supportive.

Like Winnie the Pooh said "You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes."

Good luck.



gigstalksguy
Blue Jay
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Joined: 30 Jan 2013
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 89
Location: Worthing

31 Jan 2013, 9:28 pm

Companion wrote:
I don't have much of a social drive but I know inteleculally that a person needs a social circle, people to support you when you're down or need something, I'm working without a social safety net and I'm at a loss. What do I do?


I totally understand that feeling because I've been there, and I think part of the difficulty for many people with AS, including myself, is having interests that are deep rather than broad - lacking a broad and balanced general knowledge and interests, but instead being focused heavily in a more specialist interest. I have often found that the things I'm interested in have either been of a solitary nature or only connected me with older people. Obviously I cannot speak for you on this and I don't whether this affects you or not.

I would suggest the best thing to start doing is looking at people who succeed socially and try to understand what they do naturally that makes people gravitate towards them. I think its also far easier to start building a social life today now we have Facebook and other social media, than it was ten years ago, as this can help you connect better with those acquaintances you do have and potentially build closer friendships, or get to know their friends a bit. Also I would suggest that whatever you're interests are, learn to talk about these things with some passion, as even if people don't share your interests they will like the person behind the interests!


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