Cant deal with life anymore? Sick of being stared at?

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MikeW999
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26 Feb 2013, 4:53 pm

I hate it when people stare, it makes my anxiety so much worse. I'll be in a good mood then all of a sudden I'll catch somebody staring at me, It makes me really angry. Every time I catch them staring, they have that Cocky/Smirk/WTF look on there face (you know what I'm talking about) it's kinda made me not like people. It confirms my fears that people are judging me.

At first i thought it was because I was quiet. But even in public people I don't even know give me this nasty scowl. WTF is going on? Why do you hate me?! You don't even know me! What have I done to deserve such hate? I'm just minding my own business! Leave me alone! It's very frustrating, it's like no matter what I do people just hate me.I know I'm quiet, but I'm not a criminal. I know I'm shy, but I'm not a murder! Just leave me alone. It's so frustrating.



It has to be cause I'm quiet. It has to be because I don't say much. I'm not the only quite person in class, but for some reason only I...I GET NASTY LOOKS. It's like other people can get away with being quiet, but not me...NOT ME!! !! It's like why aren't you saying anything weirdo!? Maybe it's because I don't feel like saying anything. So mind your own business!

They say just be yourself, but when I'm being myself..when I'm being most true to me it pisses people off for some reason. So what if I don't talk a lot I don't "feel" like saying anything. Why can't people just mind their own business...listen... I'M NOT LIKE YOU...so mind you own business...and leave me alone. I almost feel like flicking them off, but I'd get into trouble if I did. THIS IS WHO I AM...so frustrating. Everywhere I go people stare.

When I WANT to say something Ill say something. But when I feel like I'm being PRESSURED to say something, that is what causes me anxiety.

It's like you have to ACT a certain way... you have to TALK a certain way to be accepted.. IT'S ALL AN ACT ANYWAY sure i could put on a front and act like every other person you see on tv. But I don't feel like it....SOME ARE BETTER ACTORS THEN OTHERS......SOME CAN FAKE IT..SOME CAN'T...I WON'T!! !..I DON'T FEEL I SHOULD HAVE TO ACT TO BE ACCEPTED...WHY DO I HAVE TO PUT ON A SHOW.... THIS IS WHO I AM...IT'S GENETIC ...so let me get this straight..I have to train myself to be a better actor to get anywhere in this world...I HAVE TO PUT ON AN ACT TO BE LIKED BY OTHER PEOPLE...WHAT A FCKED UP JUDGMENTAL SOCIETY WE LIVE IN..

-End Rant



Joe90
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26 Feb 2013, 5:28 pm

Can I join you in the rant? :) I know what you mean about the f****d up judgemental society. And yes, being stared at is VERY frustrating too! I thought NTs were supposed to have EMPATHY?! Then why don't people just accept the fact that you are quiet and move on? Why do they have to stare and judge? What good does staring do? What good does staring do to anyone, except intimidate them even further. Aren't people aware of how they're making quiet people feel? Instead of being all catty, why can't people give you a nice smile, then it might encourage you to perhaps talk? But no, people are just so self-centered and don't really care how others feel as long as they are happy with their little social circle. God, I am so disgusted with society! It makes me sick!

Just today I was waiting for the bus, and the bus pulled up. I was just standing there with about 7 or 8 other people waiting to get on, and I wasn't looking or acting ANY DIFFERENT to any of them, I had my smart work trousers on and just plain black shoes (you can't go wrong AT ALL with that), and I just had my FASHIONABLE white coat on, with my bag over my shoulder and my hair tied back, and I was just standing up straight in a normal position, waiting to get on the bus like everybody else. Then these two horrible boys got off (looked between 17 and 19 so they weren't silly little kids) and one started singing ''I love ya babe'' in a silly squeaky high-pitched voice as they passed me, and I could tell that was aimed at me, and no it wasn't because they fancied me, it was because they were taking the piss out of me. It wasn't like I saw them coming off and was looking uncomfortable about them or anything because I didn't even see them 'til they sung stupidly. I was just looking past them, waiting to get on the bus and minding my own business. Why the f**k do these c**** pick on ME?! Whatever I try to do, however I dress, position myself, style my hair, look confident etc etc etc, I STILL get f*****g weird c**** taking the f*****g piss out of me like I deserve it. I hate living a life like this! I hate giving off this ''vibe'' no matter how much I try and try and try and try to make myself look as normal as can be, even if there is a little vibe there surely it can't be so noticeable that it draws attention and gets everyone taking the piss. What the f**k is wrong with PEOPLE?! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! ! Don't people ever grow up? Don't people have a life to live and problems or their own, to be taking notice of what a stupid young girl is doing in the street within 2 seconds of passing me? f*****g hell, I wish somebody warned me about all this s**t before I grew up!


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AspieOtaku
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26 Feb 2013, 5:36 pm

I get used to being stared at. I wish all the NTs spent a few months in Japan then they would know what its like haha! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8x7AAoITqrw[/youtube]


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MikeW999
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26 Feb 2013, 5:54 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Can I join you in the rant? :) I know what you mean about the f**** up judgemental society. And yes, being stared at is VERY frustrating too! I thought NTs were supposed to have EMPATHY?! Then why don't people just accept the fact that you are quiet and move on? Why do they have to stare and judge? What good does staring do? What good does staring do to anyone, except intimidate them even further. Aren't people aware of how they're making quiet people feel? Instead of being all catty, why can't people give you a nice smile, then it might encourage you to perhaps talk? But no, people are just so self-centered and don't really care how others feel as long as they are happy with their little social circle. God, I am so disgusted with society! It makes me sick!

Just today I was waiting for the bus, and the bus pulled up. I was just standing there with about 7 or 8 other people waiting to get on, and I wasn't looking or acting ANY DIFFERENT to any of them, I had my smart work trousers on and just plain black shoes (you can't go wrong AT ALL with that), and I just had my FASHIONABLE white coat on, with my bag over my shoulder and my hair tied back, and I was just standing up straight in a normal position, waiting to get on the bus like everybody else. Then these two horrible boys got off (looked between 17 and 19 so they weren't silly little kids) and one started singing ''I love ya babe'' in a silly squeaky high-pitched voice as they passed me, and I could tell that was aimed at me, and no it wasn't because they fancied me, it was because they were taking the piss out of me. It wasn't like I saw them coming off and was looking uncomfortable about them or anything because I didn't even see them 'til they sung stupidly. I was just looking past them, waiting to get on the bus and minding my own business. Why the f**k do these c**** pick on ME?! Whatever I try to do, however I dress, position myself, style my hair, look confident etc etc etc, I STILL get f***ing weird c**** taking the f***ing piss out of me like I deserve it. I hate living a life like this! I hate giving off this ''vibe'' no matter how much I try and try and try and try to make myself look as normal as can be, even if there is a little vibe there surely it can't be so noticeable that it draws attention and gets everyone taking the piss. What the f**k is wrong with PEOPLE?! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! ! Don't people ever grow up? Don't people have a life to live and problems or their own, to be taking notice of what a stupid young girl is doing in the street within 2 seconds of passing me? f***ing hell, I wish somebody warned me about all this sh** before I grew up!



Awesome! Thanks.



MikeW999
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26 Feb 2013, 5:54 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
I get used to being stared at. I wish all the NTs spent a few months in Japan then they would know what its like haha! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8x7AAoITqrw[/youtube]


Excellent analogy dude! Enjoyed the video.



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26 Feb 2013, 6:11 pm

We are all individuals belonging to the species called humans.

The purpose of the species is to exist and ensure continual existence through survival.

In order to ensure survival, a natural selection process among the species has to happen.

This natural selection is what each one of us think of as "my life".

By construction, you cannot expect anyone to pity you, accept you or help you. Accept that you are basically on your own in this world. That's really the fundament of life, thinking otherwise is really kidding yourself/being naive.

In some areas of the natural selection cooperation is beneficial/in focus. In other areas competition of the natural selection is beneficial/in focus.

What you describe here sounds like experiences concerning the competition part. It can be very hideous.

I've found the best way to deal with it is thinking about things that concern your own life, and ignore things that really has got nothing to do with your life. The last part includes people having the cocky/smirk on their face. You will never see them again, or at least they will never have any true impact on your life, so you should ignore any potential negative effect they might have on you.

Realize that you are (also) a part of a competition, so people can hate you for the single reason that you are another competitor; potentially a threat to the success (which equals happiness in everyday life) of their participation in the natural selection process.

Good social interaction is basically/much of the way a matter of good acting skills. You are another competitor, so if you don't act at all people are probably less likely to accept you than if you were acting.


I'd say our lives have a flawed foundation. It's critical to realize and most importantly to accept. It's not easy. I understand your frustration. Remember the positive cooperation part of life; that should be uplifting.



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26 Feb 2013, 7:07 pm

I seem to have that "vibe", too. And there must be many people who have the radar to catch it.



nessa238
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26 Feb 2013, 8:20 pm

I definitely do!

Smiling and looking like you're enjoying yourself can ward these types off as they seem to home in on people who look ill at ease and unhappy.

If you look round to see if anyone is staring they probably will be so it's best to just focus on what you're doing and refuse to let these idiots distract you

it's either that or beat them to a bloody pulp and you'll get in trouble for that :roll:



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26 Feb 2013, 10:25 pm

I think this happens to all us Apies. I have found it helpful to play with these people's minds. Scratch yourself in an inapproprite place, pick your nose. You could even go up to that person and apoligize such as "I'm sorry if my Autism makes you uncomfortable". There is a load of things you could do to be sarcastic.
I think most of us realize that we have to play the hand we were dealt. We can control what we think and do but not what others think and do.



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26 Feb 2013, 10:34 pm

jk1 wrote:
I seem to have that "vibe", too. And there must be many people who have the radar to catch it.


Vibe = Having Asperger's/Autism

People with the Radar = NTs recognizing you're not abiding by the NT code.



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26 Feb 2013, 10:38 pm

qawer wrote:
Realize that you are (also) a part of a competition, so people can hate you for the single reason that you are another competitor; potentially a threat to the success (which equals happiness in everyday life) of their participation in the natural selection process.

Good social interaction is basically/much of the way a matter of good acting skills. You are another competitor, so if you don't act at all people are probably less likely to accept you than if you were acting.


This is an interesting theory in the general sense. The problem I have with it -- and perhaps this is a Theory of Mind problem -- is that I don't naturally think of random people around me as my competitors. Are you saying that the average individual thinks in these terms, and perhaps our "defect" is that we don't?

While I can understand competition in the evolutionary sense, in every day interaction I never understood all the pettiness and nonsense that goes on, and don't really see how it leads to guaranteeing one's success.

And you believe those who fail to put on an act are regarded as a threat to this system that the other live by?



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27 Feb 2013, 7:19 am

Yeah, random strangers in the street can recognise the AS in me, but it took 4 years for professional doctors, therapists and psychiatrists to diagnose me and were just going to class me as a typically developing kid if they didn't work out a diagnosis. :? :roll:


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27 Feb 2013, 8:00 am

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
qawer wrote:
Realize that you are (also) a part of a competition, so people can hate you for the single reason that you are another competitor; potentially a threat to the success (which equals happiness in everyday life) of their participation in the natural selection process.

Good social interaction is basically/much of the way a matter of good acting skills. You are another competitor, so if you don't act at all people are probably less likely to accept you than if you were acting.


This is an interesting theory in the general sense. The problem I have with it -- and perhaps this is a Theory of Mind problem -- is that I don't naturally think of random people around me as my competitors. Are you saying that the average individual thinks in these terms, and perhaps our "defect" is that we don't?


That's exactly my point.

"Normal" people have this innate understanding that they take part in a competition and that they should do whatever they can to do well in that competition (that means to "become happy" in their language). Autistic people often have to realize this scientifically, it's not naturally "built in". "Normal" people might object against the fact that they are merely taking part in a competition, but that is really the only thing they are doing. A good survival strategie is to be convinced that your purpose in life is really not only to survive - that's why most people say their "real purpose in life" is more than to survive. There basically ain't no such "real purpose" other than survival. Everything leads back to survival. Besides for instance some autistic endeavours that do not lead back to survival - but that's why most autistic endeavours are considered wrong/to be a sign of mental illness.

In some cases people around you are cooperators, in some cases they are competitors. It's constructed like that because that ensures survival - hence continual existence of the human species - the most.

Personally I'd like there was more to it than survival. But that's likely my autistic side speaking.


When people work, they do it to fulfill a need - eventually to survive.

When people eat, they do it to fulfill a need - eventually to survive.

When people love, they do it to fulfill a need - eventually to survive.

When people set up a purpose for their life, they do it to fulfill a need - eventually to survive.

When people party, they do it to fulfill a need - eventually to survive.

etc. etc.

Every "healthy" action is eventually related to survival.

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
qawer wrote:
Realize that you are (also) a part of a competition, so people can hate you for the single reason that you are another competitor; potentially a threat to the success (which equals happiness in everyday life) of their participation in the natural selection process.

Good social interaction is basically/much of the way a matter of good acting skills. You are another competitor, so if you don't act at all people are probably less likely to accept you than if you were acting.


While I can understand competition in the evolutionary sense, in every day interaction I never understood all the pettiness and nonsense that goes on, and don't really see how it leads to guaranteeing one's success.


What do you have in mind when you write this?

When you for instance make friends, you eventually do it because both partners benefit from the friendship - you usually stand stronger in the competition with friends than without. That's the cooperation part (family, girl-/boyfriends, work teams are also the cooperation part). At the same time, among friends, a competition is going on. For instance about attracting girls. You might be friends, but if a hot lady comes along, one of the friends might consider that hot lady more important for his survival than the friendship, so he will prioritize her higher than the friendship. This could easily mean letting his friend down.

Healthy people only do things because they have a need to do them in order to survive.

"Falling in love" is a concept of finding a partner that fits your personality and in the best way ensures survival of your offspring. Compatibility between the partners is essential because they are going to spend much time together. Love is a strong feeling because it's important to have healthy offspring in order to ensure survival.



ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
qawer wrote:
Realize that you are (also) a part of a competition, so people can hate you for the single reason that you are another competitor; potentially a threat to the success (which equals happiness in everyday life) of their participation in the natural selection process.

Good social interaction is basically/much of the way a matter of good acting skills. You are another competitor, so if you don't act at all people are probably less likely to accept you than if you were acting.


And you believe those who fail to put on an act are regarded as a threat to this system that the other live by?


Well in some way that's what I mean. When you don't put up an act you become vulnerable. You become too honest and too open. You are likely to reveal your weaknesses, which people may potentially exploit if they need to. This is a huge drawback in the selection process. People often do not want to socialize with people more vulnerable than themselves because it makes themselves vulnerable: other people will think there's a reason why you have a need to socialize with a vulnerable individual, it must be because you are vulnerable yourself. So in that sense you are right: you become a threat to them indirectly. People will go a long way to not seem vulnerable.

Failing to put up an act is really considered to be a huge disadvantage in the natural selection - that's one of the reasons why autistics are often being bullied. Bullying is just an outward manifestation of the natural selection process, happening very obviously. It's natures way of ensuring that only the strong individuals get their genes passed on to the next generation. The weak individual will become depressed, perhaps even suicidal, preventing their genes from being passed on.



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27 Feb 2013, 9:10 am

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0Z2IJuS5Ks[/youtube]I feel like this everyday, if theres an anime based on my life it would be this....Welcome to the NHK...its all a conspiracy!!


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awesomeautist
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27 Feb 2013, 11:00 am

People do stare but most of what I have read on this thread seems to point more towards paranoid persecution delusions more than actual problems with being stared at.



MikeW999
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03 Mar 2013, 5:26 pm

Great replies everybody