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Joined: 26 Jul 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 23
Location: British Columbia Canada

30 Jul 2013, 9:01 pm


After losing everything I loved ..I locked myself away from any contact for 2 years I was a zombie pretty much... I had back problems as well from work 2 herniated discs in lower lumbar .I lied in bed all day all night ...wishing I was dead. I even unsuccessfully tried to end it all.a few times not only did I lose everthing I had a mental break down and my back was done.
I was on heavy pain killers..

I don't know how I made it... I really don't...but I did..only because of these strange subliminal messages I was getting from .the television shows I picked one day .one stood right out and told me .. the hardest thing you have to do right now is forgive yourself.. another message said change what you don't like about yourself ..when I shut of the t.v I seen my reflection in the blank dark screen .and I hated that person I was looking at
I was over weight ...ugly ..I didn't shower or shave .nothing I didn't care what happened to me. or what I looked like.

but those messages stuck in my head .and quite a few more came to me over a few days...I thought about it .and picked myself up and got all cleaned up .looked in the mirror for once.and changed everything I didn't like when I looked at myself.
I always dreamed of racing cars when my dad took me to the race tracks when I was a I went out and bought a race car.i said to myself I want to at least complete my lifes dream before I die...

when I brought it home .. people started coming over like crazy I didn't even have a look..i started making friends my back got better..i lost weight and totally changed my looks...I started to work out ..I was offered by 3 people to be my pit crew.
I met my best friend trevor ..I never really had a best friend... it felt good to be kind of popular..i didn't do much talking I just
smiled and acknowledged everything they said,... I had a life again .. I went on to win 2 races and a 6 th place finish overall in my very first year. the track gave me a trophy for best new technical the drivers was one of the best years of my life for once

after that was winter .I wqs feeling lonely and tried dating sites
I actually met some women ..I was shocked...and starting to look real good as well..from working out. after a while it wasn't that hard to get a date with my new look...I even went and got a tattoo...I was meeting really cute women...but there wasn't any connections..except this one girl I met on pof was and old girlfriend from my high school days I dated for about a month

we lived quite far from each other so I usually stayed at her place.
my friends had jobs and wifes I felt left I spent most of my time at her I had a girlfriend again and it was an easy connection between us since I already knew least that's what I thought... she turns weird after 3 months..and starts getting possessive.and controlling...I thought nothing of it..

when I punched all her symptoms into a search . controlling possessive compulsive came up.. it told me to get the hell out of that relationship before its too late....I actually kinda didn't mind her possessiveness ..I liked it..and she had weird neat sexual was exciting to me..she would want me to go to the pub with her and pick up another woman...I wasn't sure if it was a test or a setup.. but I went along with it..why not....

she got a little upset because I wouldn't talk to any girls or make a move...well I didn't know how and I hated bars...she goes and talks to these women she picked and tells them I like them but im go and talk with him.well I had women coming up all night and talking I was in total awe at the end of the night ..we picked one up..and took her home with us,.the girl thought she was going to be just with me..but she got a little creeped out when my girlfriend was watching..and wanted to join in...I felt really really bad for deceiving this poor girl..and took her home week same thing we met a cute girl she was ready to go with us.,..only I couldnt do it.. i remembered the look on that poor girls face ..when she was tricked..and walked out the pub ..and we went home...

the part that got odd was she liked what we were doing with another girls....but started accusing me of sleeping with other women behind her didn't make sense to me..anyways
turns out she is not only a control freak .and possessive ..but other weird traits started to show,.i looked it up on search I punch it in and up comes narcasistic socialpath ..I read all about it and it described her to a tee,.. but by then it was to late ..
I come out with a destroyed self confidence ..physically and emotionally abused...stolen valuables..i got a phoney assault charge .so she had total control...and I couldn't go to police ..very well planned...I lose my 4x4 new3 3 gold rings and my old coin well as other things like birth cert and property ownership papers my medical motel. I just bought...and collection agencys after me for her failure to pay bills..etc..etc..

now my life is even worse..cause I don't want to go outside again
and I was so nice as well I helped her move ..I fixed everything that wasn't working..and cooked dinners.cleaned....

im sitting here writing this wondering what did I do so bad to deserve this......

now im back to where I was