losing control of myself

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Hi forum. You can call me bluegill. I'm a 24 year old guy and I think I have some form of the autism spectrum. I never really considered this a possibility until I got married and started serving people with disabilities (some of which also have a severe form of autism). By posting about myself in this forum, I am hoping I can find an answer or at least a solution to my issues, even if I end up not having autism. I know I can't seek a diagnosis on the internet, let alone from a single post, but if people can somehow relate to me, that is all that matters.

Ever since I was a kid, I have been a loner of sorts. I don't necessarily prefer to be alone. That's just the way it happens to be. I have a few friends in a small friend circle, but I do not socialize much outside of that. Sometimes I do have anxiety about chatting with people, even though I have experience as a teacher. I get really upset when I am surrounded by people (e.g. Walmart on a weekend) and sometimes I lose control of my emotions when I don't have alone time to process things; I get physically tired when I am around people.

According to my wife, there are a lot of times when a friend says something to me that I take personally or misinterpret in a negative way. I have a tendency to take things literally. For example, just last night, I got upset because I asked some friends in a group message if they want to go fishing in the morning before work. One of them replied "Not tomorrow, man." Another replied, "We all work, man." The second comment did not make sense to me and I got frustrated. My wife and I got into an argument about it because she was trying to tell me that it's unreasonable to get up early before work and go fishing. She said "We'll see if they want to go fishing later." I thought she was challenging me to ask them to go later, and so I did. It turns out that's not what she meant, and we argued even more.

When I came back from fishing this morning, I thought she was still mad at me about last night. I helped her get ready for work and she raised her voice a little bit... I got frustrated again and lost control of myself and starting yelling and swearing. I was immediately regretful of telling her to shut up. This is almost a daily occurrence for me Ever since my wife and I got hitched and she moved in, I have found myself getting upset more frequently and misinterpreting some things she says. A few times I have lost control of my emotions and said things I couldn't believe were coming out of my mouth. I am not sure if it is because I no longer have much alone time or because I no longer have much control over my routines. Hopefully you all will read this and provide some insight from your own experiences. Thanks.

Hi Bluegill maybe its the break in your routine that's messing things up. Do you have a quite area for yourself, does she understand or believe ur situation, do you eat on time. I find that for every social interaction I have I require several hours of alone time to reboot less I have a meltdown and get 'crazy' also stress as in too much pressure on me mentally at work etc. and my eating on time or lack there of can make my AS worst. If that is possible.

Right now I tend to just avoid people but u can't because ur married.
My suggestion to u is to ' know when to walk away'. Know when to stop talking or interacting. eat on time, and chill.

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-Flattery is like cologn water, to be smelt not swallowed.-Josh Billings-_

hi bluegil,
it does sound like coud be somewhere within the high functioning autism spectrum,am severely and lower functioning autistic but dad is aspie [albeit,not diagnosed, but autism specialists of mine have all said he has it] and it sounds like are so alike to him,he has been married for many many many years but he has always had to have his 'own space',he even has a seperate bedroom to mum,in many other peoples cases this is because theyre fighting but in theirs its because he likes his own space.
communication is also a difficulty of his,he is easy to offend due to misunderstanding but he offends very easily to without realising.

RE.anxiety about chatting with people,although able to work as a teacher.
perhaps because working as a teacher has specific aims/outcomes to reach so its more predictible and scripted?

RE.issues of being around people in wallmart/being physicaly tired by people.
those are issues caused by being introverted,but because the majority of us on the spectrum are some level of introversion we have those issues to.