How do you keep the conversation going?

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While my social skills aren't the best, I do like talking to people I know well enough. However, when talking to some of my friends, the problems I often have is trying to keep the conversation going. I run out of things to say very easily, and it often leads into an awkward silence.

So, I'm curious. What do you guys do, to try and keep the conversation going?

<--- Doesn't have a clue.

There's nothing people love more than talking about themselves, so ask questions or comment on what they've said and turn the topic to them.

<<<----- has the same problem.

I agree with what cilantro said. I always run out of things to say so I just turn the conversation to the other person. Other people usually have more going on with them that they can go on and on compared to me.

This is the hardest part of socializing in my opinion. I have only recently managed to master the art, and have since become quite proficient in it.

As someone said, the best way to keep a conversation going is to ask a question. It depends on how well you know the person as to what you ask though. If it's a friend you don't know very well, ask about some aspect of their life you'd like to know more about. If it's someone you talk to daily, talk about things that have happened in your life since the last time you spoke, or ask about details of their life that may have happened since you last spoke. Topics in the news, or local events, also make great topics. Below are a few conversation jolter ideas...the topics aren't important but the general concept is:

"You're into rock music, right? Are you planning to see the ____ concert later this month?"
"I tried this really great restaurant last night, _____. Have you been there?"
"You're interested in basket-weaving too? I LOVE weaving! What style of weaves are your favorite??"

^^^what they all said.

Thanks. I'll have to remember that, for next time I'm talking with someone.

The problem for me is, I tend to ask someone information that is considered personal or non-of-my-business which is followed by me having to take-a-hike or I am asking way too many questions. I think body language plays a role too. So I tried studying body language, but then you get those situations where the person responds, then I try to remember what I just saw and match it accordingly. Then I run into the problem of picking up too many things that are probably irrelevant or making me think about it longer.

Eventually when I do realise what is going on, it was already too long of a time and the awkward silenced kicked in, which means that the other person thought I am not interested and left. With me still thinking of what to say anyway, which starts off another thinking process to respond to try and rescue the situation which leads to me skipping a bunch of things and... getting nowhere and them end up being irritated with me.

Some people will tell me: "Oh but you are over thinking it..." yeah cause if I didn't, I would be skipping a bunch of steps in socialising. Then they wonder why I want to leave so early in socialising functions and don't understand the mental drain it puts on me.

More often than not though, unless your conversation partner is unimaginably self centered you'll end up coming off as incredibly patronizing and cynical if you approach conversation with way. That being said you still need to have a genuine interest in whomever you're talking to.

I found it helpful to research, study, and practice what are sometimes referred to as "Active Listening" skills. So when I run out of things to say, and want to turn the conversation to them, Active Listening provides techniques and sentence maps that can be used to do that without pummeling the poor person with 20 questions. Even more than talking about themselves, I have found that people often hunger just to know that someone is listening to whatever it is they say.

even the dull and ignorant have their story, to quote from desiderata. we each can seem relatively dull and ignorant to those brighter than us.

I just had another thought a good way to start a conversation would be to present a choice between one or two or three things [just think of something recently in the news] and let your conversational partner choose one and explain why.

When I interact with my friends we are usually not sober for too long, sometimes a little bit helps.

Be very informed and updated about your passions. Your friends will be entertained (for a while) and may help you get in a group that shares your passion or help you find a new passion they also share.

For example: I like to investigate and talk about various philosophical and psychological topics , my friends were impressed and adviced me to study research. (Will not do it, but they have guided me to interesting ideas that I can share with them afterwards)


The following was my original answer before I realized I was too selfish and wasn't answering your question

Yeah, this. Is a bit of a blind spot for me too. If it's someone I know well, then it's much less of a problem (usually), as I have a pretty good idea of their interests, what's going on in their lives ect. But with people I have just met or don't know well, it's a different story. I have the usual, harmless small talks questions, but they tend to run into a dead end reasonably quickly. I'm also very conscious of silences. Awkward:/

I have the exact same problem. I have pretty much nothing to say ever.

I have no easier way of coming up with anything to ask than I do with things to say. When I say that nothing comes to mind, I mean that literally.

And on the off chance that I do come up with anything to ask (like 1 in 1000), I'm not comfortable asking it anyway. I hate asking about anything personal, it makes me feel like I'm prodding. I want people to just tell me if they have something they want me to know.
This is so much of a problem for me that it caused fights between me and my ex who also was aspie.


It'd be a miracle if I ever came up with 20 question to ask anyone. And that likely goes for the entire time I know them.


I can say some words about things that interest me, but how other aspies allegedly can talk about their interests for hours is a mystery to me.