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AZprofessional
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06 Apr 2014, 10:48 am

This is the most annoying thing for me when people come over uninvited - unexpected. I dont invite them in I try to leave them physically out of my place. What concerns me is I dont like to socialize - just want to be alone. It seems to be getting worst over time. Anyone can relate? Does it progressively get worst? Seems like I didn't mind it so much when I was younger.



BirdInFlight
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06 Apr 2014, 11:08 am

I hate it, hate it, hate it. It is definitely one of my top most hated things. I don't like unexpected knockings at my door, I don't like unexpected calls or texts. I am comfortable with any of these if I already know in advance, from a face to face meeting, that someone is going to come over or phone or text. But if I'm not expecting any of that to happen, and I'm not expecting a delivery, I HATE even the sound of it the knock on the door. I don't like not knowing why or who is there.

When I was a child, I went through a stage where if someone knocked on our front door I ran and hid under a large table in the rear-most room in the house. For some reason my parents just kind of tolerated the strange reaction and never even questioned it or got me help. Looking back, I consider that shockingly neglectful now. None of my issues were ever addressed by my parents.

I have wondered if I just took the reaction from my mother, though, as I have vivid memories of her freaking out at a knock at the door too, and shushing me and trying to be quiet until the person went away.

And we didn't have debt or were in any kind of trouble -- mine was a super-responsible set of parents who were never in trouble with the law or debtors or any such thing, so it wasn't like they were dodging someone they were in trouble with. Our household was serene that way, and there was no rational reason to fear unexpected visitor.

As an adult now, I have to deal with it but it can send me into a mild panic attack, hot or cold sweat, and that horrible, adrenalized sensation. I still sometimes just ignore the knock too.

.



kt69
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06 Apr 2014, 11:24 am

I can totally relate! I only open the door if I'm expecting someone.
And I don't let anyone in for the purpose of socializing. Letting people in makes me very uncomfortable.
I need to have control over when and how long I socialize, I have to be able to leave when I've had enough.

I'm also a lot less social than I was even a few years ago. And I hate it when someone calls me out of the blue. I see it as an annoying interruption in what I'm doing, and I rarely pick up. I usually call them back when it suits me, which may take hours or even days.



Last edited by kt69 on 08 Apr 2014, 5:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ann2011
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06 Apr 2014, 12:38 pm

Hate the Pop-in!! !

I have to prepare for an invasion into my safe space.


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06 Apr 2014, 12:58 pm

I do get upset if people come round unexpectedly. I don't mind if I know what time they will go, or if I know they have other things to do and so won't stay long. But when somebody comes round and stays for hours and it's getting late, I start to become agitated but don't like to say anything because I'll feel mean. I sometimes give hints that it's getting late and I've got things I want to do, but they don't usually pick up on it or they ignore it.

I like the evenings to be ''me'' time, where I can relax and have a bath in peace and go to bed when I want, without hearing the voices of people talking in the next room. I have misophonia, so that makes things terribly difficult for me. People with misophonia are best off living on their own, but even then it isn't always a good idea because who knows how much noise your neighbours might make?


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Willard
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06 Apr 2014, 1:27 pm

kt69 wrote:
I only open the door if I'm expecting someone.


^^This^^

I make it very clear to everyone I know, that if they show up unexpectedly, I will not answer the door. I don't even go to the peephole to see who it is, I just hide in my office and wait for them to leave. Thank gods the apartment complex removed all the doorbells in the last remodel, I absolutely despise doorbells, the sound of a doorbell is like being tasered!

The last time I answered the door when I wasn't expecting someone I was accosted by a bully and verbally abused for ten minutes. Never again.

Also don't answer the phone until I know who's calling and sometimes not even then. A phone ringing suddenly can jar my nerves so that I don't even want to attempt conversation until I've calmed down again.



justkillingtime
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06 Apr 2014, 6:25 pm

Willard wrote:
kt69 wrote:
I only open the door if I'm expecting someone.


^^This^^

I make it very clear to everyone I know, that if they show up unexpectedly, I will not answer the door. I don't even go to the peephole to see who it is, I just hide in my office and wait for them to leave. Thank gods the apartment complex removed all the doorbells in the last remodel, I absolutely despise doorbells, the sound of a doorbell is like being tasered!

The last time I answered the door when I wasn't expecting someone I was accosted by a bully and verbally abused for ten minutes. Never again.

Also don't answer the phone until I know who's calling and sometimes not even then. A phone ringing suddenly can jar my nerves so that I don't even want to attempt conversation until I've calmed down again.


This, except for the bully. One time, I answered the phone, not knowing who it was, and had to go out in a snowstorm to pick up someone's daughter from daycare.


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leafplant
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06 Apr 2014, 7:47 pm

Absolutely hate unexpected socialising. And also this changed as I got older - I got worse. I think I used to really like it when I was younger and friends would phone me or come by out of blue to get me out to play, but really couldn't cope with it now. The thing is, expectations are different as you get older, you are supposed to put up with other people's crap, whereas when you are younger and you are not having fun, you can just go home or tell them to go away and nobody would get upset with you. People are much harder work the older you get.



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06 Apr 2014, 8:06 pm

The only people I've ever known to do this were in my childhood, and they were neighbors who were also friends of my parents. Anything else just seems weird. How do you know the person isn't showering or having sex or asleep... ?



BirdInFlight
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07 Apr 2014, 6:22 am

Well, funny I was posting in this thread yesterday -- because it just happened right now!! ! I live in a flat (apartment) and the damn fire department just came on a routine check! I'm sitting here at my computer, with my hair wet and in a towel because I just washed it. It's my day off and I just want quiet time in my own space.

Big loud knocking at my door!! ! I jumped a mile high. I go to my hallway and say "Hello?" and a bunch of voices say something like "Fire brigade, can we check your smoke alarm?"

I open the door and there's like, five men, and one guy says he needs to check my alarm "And also come in and have a chat about general fire safety -- is it a good time?"

For once in my life I managed to respond fast enough to say "Actually no, not really, I'm in the middle of something," and he actually said okay and just tested the alarm, which is in the hallway anyway.

But I was really pissed off that they thought they were going to come right into my flat and talk, impromptu, like that. FFS.

They've been before but normally just test the alarm. They've never asked to come in and give a safety talk to tenants before. I find it unnerving and a cheek.

This is what sucks about living in rented accommodation -- stuff like these checkups are basically forced upon you and there is rarely a heads-up, too.

:x



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07 Apr 2014, 10:39 am

I must be the only person here who doesn't mind this. Sure, it's inconvenient that they might have caught me off guard, but otherwise it's not that annoying.....



thewhitrbbit
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07 Apr 2014, 10:53 am

Briareos wrote:
I must be the only person here who doesn't mind this. Sure, it's inconvenient that they might have caught me off guard, but otherwise it's not that annoying.....


I'm hardly ever home but I'd welcome a visitor sometimes.



BirdInFlight
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07 Apr 2014, 5:56 pm

Briareos wrote:
I must be the only person here who doesn't mind this. Sure, it's inconvenient that they might have caught me off guard, but otherwise it's not that annoying.....


I think maybe you don't understand what reaction is happening to maybe some of us. It's not just annoying or inconvenient, which is a pretty "normal" reaction. Speaking for myself, an unexpected knock at the door or call on my phone actually adrenalizes my brain and body quite unpleasantly, almost to very, very mild but none the less unpleasant panic.

I've had this negative reaction ever since I can remember. It goes back to childhood. There's obviously something wrong with me mentally or neurologically, regarding this.

It's not just "annoying" for me -- speaking for my own version of this experience, I'm clearly suffering from an abnormal set of reactions to something that others cope with completely without problems.

I have an overly developed something -- overly developed need to not be surprised/disturbed/have my privacy invaded suddenly -- obviously it's a malfunctional thing some of us are speaking of.

.



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07 Apr 2014, 6:17 pm

People just have to call first, or text you, or email you.

Maybe I just want to "veg" in my birthday suit today.

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DukeJanTheGrey
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07 Apr 2014, 6:36 pm

Take a chance with life for a change.



tetris
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07 Apr 2014, 7:39 pm

I really hate it but it very rarely happens.