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Graelwyn
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21 Feb 2007, 4:30 pm

Is the eye contact issue a prerequisite of having AS? I am wondering because somedays, I am ok with looking in the eyes of someone I am talking to, other days it makes me very nervous...for example, tonight, I found myself making eye contact with an aquaintance at a local store as I spoke, but with my mother over dinner when I see her, I cannot bear to look in her eyes. I do recall being told frequently as a child to 'look at me when I speak to you' and similar and am wondering if I have just learnt to deal with it? It is not comfortable for me, by any means, but I seem to have learnt to do it at some times.



ZanneMarie
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21 Feb 2007, 4:39 pm

Well, it can be avoiding eye contact or inappropriate eye contact. I try to make myself look then find myself staring because I go off into my head. Other people get upset with that. I often don't look into their eyes. If I'm not sure why I'm talking to someone, I notice I look away and don't want to look back. Sometimes I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to look at them or what their eyes are supposed to be telling me. I find myself staring at those time as well. It's like I'm looking for the answer to what their eyes are telling me. Very disconcerting.


I wonder if you can go back and forth if you are on the spectrum, like being hypersensitive to some things and hyposensitive to others.



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21 Feb 2007, 4:44 pm

i had to teach myself to be able to look at people's eyes when they talk to me. but i still don't know when the correct time is to look away.
i think it makes having men as friends easier than having women as friends, because when i talk to men we both are usually looking at something else.


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Graelwyn
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21 Feb 2007, 4:48 pm

ZanneMarie wrote:
Well, it can be avoiding eye contact or inappropriate eye contact. I try to make myself look then find myself staring because I go off into my head. Other people get upset with that. I often don't look into their eyes. If I'm not sure why I'm talking to someone, I notice I look away and don't want to look back. Sometimes I'm just not sure how I'm supposed to look at them or what their eyes are supposed to be telling me. I find myself staring at those time as well. It's like I'm looking for the answer to what their eyes are telling me. Very disconcerting.


I wonder if you can go back and forth if you are on the spectrum, like being hypersensitive to some things and hyposensitive to others.



It is interesting, for sure. I am most unhappy if strangers try and make eye contact with me first, and tend to glare at them when they do. I have often caught myseld staring at people but without seeing them, if that makes sense...adn same thing with eyes in a way. I will look at the eyes, but not really register them...like they are just a blank body part, lol. A friend told me I tend to look away sharply sometimes when I have made eye contact etc.



ZanneMarie
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21 Feb 2007, 4:59 pm

I definitely look away sharply. I also do the stare where I'm really not seeing them.


That was funny about glaring at strangers. When I notice them, if they are staring I'll do that. My husband actually has a worse reaction if men are staring at me. He'll yell at them. That's always made me think it's not just me.



lau
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21 Feb 2007, 4:59 pm

I've been told my eye contact is good. I'm pretty sure that's completely wrong. I've learn it, but I have no idea what it's for... but that's worded badly...

As I "do" the eye contact thing, I can observe myself doing it, but I know that I am gaining nothing from doing it. I wholely fail to "read" the other person, which is what I gather it's all supposed to be for.

Same goes for "body language". I do it all properly, I think, but I read nothing from other people. This was brought home to me recently while I was been interviewed for my diagnosis.

The interviewer suddenly asked if I had noticed what he had been doing. He had asked me something that got me talking, then he'd apparently done all this "body language" that should have told me he was bored, not listening to me. I had read none of it. I had seen it all, and going back over it, could recognise all of it (him looking away, etc), but it had meant nothing to me while it was happening. (In fact, it still means nothing to me :) ).



pluto
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21 Feb 2007, 5:11 pm

It was only after I learned about AS that I realised how much I'd been avoiding eye
contact before.Now I make a conscious effort to try and make the appropriate contact
and read any signals,but it's not something that comes naturally.Graelwyn,I'm the
same as yourself when it comes to my mother for some reason I find it very difficult
to look her in the eye. Poor mum,she's never really done me any harm !



T-rav20
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21 Feb 2007, 5:11 pm

I can't 'do' eye contact, either I stare in every direction but at their eyes, or I stare right through their head.


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Lightning88
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21 Feb 2007, 5:21 pm

I didn't even know about the whole eye contact thing until I read it in a magazine back in Freshman year. Since then, I just do it automatically. Before then, I would just generally look at their face. No one ever said anything about it, so I guess it was never a really big deal for me.



Climhazard
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21 Feb 2007, 5:38 pm

All throught my years of school, elementary-highschool, I couldnt look at or into peoples eyes to save my life. Whenever people were trying to talk to me (no matter how friendly there intensions were) i would shy away or go so far as to bury my head into my chest to avoid any face to face interaction. Especially when they were laughing.

Nowwa days being a bit older and understanding that it is apart of my job I tend to be more attentive to what people are saying, which would require watching their lips and looking at their eyes. I still really hate it and it makes me way uncomfortable. And I know it makes them uneasy as well because they can see my listless, artificial attention.



KurtmanJP
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21 Feb 2007, 5:43 pm

I have problems looking at people when I talk, yes. Usually I turn the other way. Maybe it's an Aspie thing.


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Climhazard
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21 Feb 2007, 6:39 pm

holy crap your sig

ive never seen anyone that quoted night ranger in my life

right on



kindofbluenote
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21 Feb 2007, 7:00 pm

I can do eye contact if I'm consciously trying to, but it's a creepy feeling. Sort of like staring at the sun. I usually look in the direcion of their chin, or mouth. Maybe I can move up to the nose, then I'm almost there!

With friends, or family at home, I usually look at the floor or a wall when they talk. Although I can look at my friends in the eye a little easier, but I still have to think about doing it.


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aminahmae
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21 Feb 2007, 7:12 pm

i have always been uncomfortable with eye contact but not until my adult years have i noticed i have a horrible time remembering faces. my husband says its because i dont look at people when they talk. i can either look at someones eyes and concentrate on that (very uncomfortable) or i can listen to what they are saying to me, but not both.



calibaby
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21 Feb 2007, 7:37 pm

I dont make eye contact. but I have a friend who has aspie traits, that makes too much eye contact with people that there's people who have been uncomfortable with it.

is too much eye contact/staring an autistic trait?



ZanneMarie
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21 Feb 2007, 7:50 pm

calibaby wrote:
I dont make eye contact. but I have a friend who has aspie traits, that makes too much eye contact with people that there's people who have been uncomfortable with it.

is too much eye contact/staring an autistic trait?



Inappropriate staring can also be a trait. It all shows you don't know how to engage through eye contact.