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JoeDaBro
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17 Jun 2014, 6:46 pm

I have been trying for ages to get Neurotypicals to understand what I am saying in any situation, and how to understand what they are saying. I feel like they speak a totally different language. How do I decipher this strange, broken English into the English I know?



kraftiekortie
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17 Jun 2014, 6:54 pm

I would be able to offer the best advice if I actually heard you speak

What's preventing you from being understood? Stuttering? Trouble getting the words out? Using pedantic language?

You'd have to describe your speaking style.



JoeDaBro
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17 Jun 2014, 7:07 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I would be able to offer the best advice if I actually heard you speak

What's preventing you from being understood? Stuttering? Trouble getting the words out? Using pedantic language?

You'd have to describe your speaking style.

I have no clue what I'm doing wrong, I occasionally stutter but I mostly get a clear example of what I am saying out but for some reason NT people have no clue of what I am saying. Here is a sample conversation about programmers:
Me:A programmer is a person who creates data.
Other:Oh, so he takes data and moves it.
Me:I just said he creates data. There is no way I can make that clearer.
Other:You will have to be clearer:
Me:I CANNOT BE ANY CLEARER.
Other:Job insurance.
Me:What?
Other:Cake factory.
Me:I just give up.



kraftiekortie
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17 Jun 2014, 7:11 pm

You should give an example of HOW a programmer creates data. For most people, programming is quite abstract. Or, you might have to have him watch you program. In computers, it's sometimes hard to convey what you want to say when one speaks. The best conveyance is frequently through one's actions.

Where did "job insurance" and "cake factory" come from? I don't see any context to that. It doesn't make any sense to me.



mr_bigmouth_502
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17 Jun 2014, 7:30 pm

I have problems with this as well. It's a pain in the ass when I try talking to someone, and I have to explain everything to them.



Rocket123
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17 Jun 2014, 11:37 pm

JoeDaBro wrote:
I have no clue what I'm doing wrong, I occasionally stutter but I mostly get a clear example of what I am saying out but for some reason NT people have no clue of what I am saying. Here is a sample conversation about programmers:
Me:A programmer is a person who creates data.
Other:Oh, so he takes data and moves it.
Me:I just said he creates data. There is no way I can make that clearer.
Other:You will have to be clearer:
Me:I CANNOT BE ANY CLEARER.
Other:Job insurance.
Me:What?
Other:Cake factory.
Me:I just give up.


I can understand why Other might be confused. As, ordinarily, you would not define a programmer's job as "creating data". Instead, ordinarily, programmer's write programs that manipulate data in order to accomplish a particular task (whatever that may be).

By the way, I have a heck of a time explaining abstract ideas to others, unless I have time to think about it first.



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18 Jun 2014, 12:01 am

OP's example of conversation makes me laugh!!


I've got no solutions, but commiserate! When you figure it out, please share your results with me!



Shadi2
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18 Jun 2014, 12:10 am

I don't know if the "other" is familiar with programming, but if he/she isn't, of course he/she doesn't understand what you're saying. Just imagine you're trying to explain programming to a student, and give a better, and more complete, explanation. The concept is very abstract and difficult to understand if the person doesn't know anything about computers or programs.

And I agree with Rocket123's comment "programmers write programs that manipulate data in order to accomplish a particular task (whatever that may be)."

And I have no idea what you're talking about in the 2nd conversation.


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CyclopsSummers
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18 Jun 2014, 1:17 am

I agree with what others have said above w/ regard to explaining how a programmer creates data (I myself am far from an expert on the subject). This is quite a common phenomenon among folks on the spectrum: assuming that the other party somehow knows what you are talking about, when you're more or less using jargon. In my teenage days, I've spoken to other people about taxonomy and evolution in terms that a layman can't understand, and I was just assuming that they were following my every word. Whenever someone asks 'What do you mean? What are you talking about?', be ready to explain it on the most basic of levels.


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IncredibleFrog
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18 Jun 2014, 4:15 am

I'm very curious about this. When my friend talks to me about programming, I have trouble understanding what he is talking about, because I am nowhere near as knowledgable as he is in this particular area (even though I have had more experience with it than most people).

I would say, just assume you know more about it than most people, and unless you are talking to a fellow programmer with a similar level of understanding, explain it as if talking to a child. And if the other person says something like "Dude, I know this already", then you can get more technical.

For me it's like:

Friend: "Cryptic stream of information and technical jargon"
Me: "Can you explain what that word means to me?"
Friend: "Which one?"
Me: "All of them. In order."



mr_bigmouth_502
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18 Jun 2014, 4:24 am

IncredibleFrog wrote:
I'm very curious about this. When my friend talks to me about programming, I have trouble understanding what he is talking about, because I am nowhere near as knowledgable as he is in this particular area (even though I have had more experience with it than most people).

I would say, just assume you know more about it than most people, and unless you are talking to a fellow programmer with a similar level of understanding, explain it as if talking to a child. And if the other person says something like "Dude, I know this already", then you can get more technical.

For me it's like:

Friend: "Cryptic stream of information and technical jargon"
Me: "Can you explain what that word means to me?"
Friend: "Which one?"
Me: "All of them. In order."


For me it's usually the opposite. Usually I'm the guy spouting off the cryptic stream of technical jargon, and the other person is all like "lol wut?" :P



motherof2
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18 Jun 2014, 8:17 pm

CyclopsSummers wrote:
I agree with what others have said above w/ regard to explaining how a programmer creates data (I myself am far from an expert on the subject). This is quite a common phenomenon among folks on the spectrum: assuming that the other party somehow knows what you are talking about, when you're more or less using jargon. In my teenage days, I've spoken to other people about taxonomy and evolution in terms that a layman can't understand, and I was just assuming that they were following my every word. Whenever someone asks 'What do you mean? What are you talking about?', be ready to explain it on the most basic of levels.


My husband does this and also does not make eye contact so he does not see the confused look on other people's faces. Sometimes they ask for clarification and then he will say it in a more basic way.


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Wildcatb
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19 Jun 2014, 5:47 pm

Oh my gawdz yes. This.

I understand it. I'm saying it in a way that I understand it. Why don't you understand it?

Theory of mind.

Just because I understand it, it doesn't stand to reason that someone else will. It's taken me a long time to figure that out.



eggheadjr
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20 Jun 2014, 12:29 pm

Welcome to our World JoeDaBro :D

Hate to tell you but your problem is one of the core problems of being austistic. Because our brains think differently - we speak differently, use language differently.

As such, misunderstandings occur constantly. My wife (who is NT) could surely write a very large book about the challenges of communication between someone aspie and someone NT.

It gets a bit better the older you get - just a bit though....


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