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sharkattack
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07 Sep 2014, 5:50 pm

I am 40 and it still hurts.

Give me time and I mess up with everyone.

The novelty of being dionosed has worn off my life is back to the same old pattern.

I feel guilty akward humiliation and worthless when this happens.

Is this typical for us or am I worse?



cathylynn
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07 Sep 2014, 6:04 pm

has happened to me plenty. makes me sad, but i don't feel humiliated. i figure they're not as understanding as they could be.



BorgPrince
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07 Sep 2014, 6:11 pm

People need an incentive to maintain contact with you. What incentive do you offer them?



Waterfalls
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07 Sep 2014, 6:21 pm

The people most apt to stop talking to me have had a lot of Aspie traits. There periodically are threads here about the perceived need to stop talking, and I'm not saying this isn't real. Just consider, to stop talking to you isn't normal, healthy behavior and that makes it as much about the other person as about you.

But yes, sometimes people don't talk to me, and it hurts me every time. And is a surprise, every time.

Think about if the person who stopped talking to you maybe has some Aspie traits though. Just something I've noticed in my life. And it's weird, I don't stop talking to specific individuals like this because how much it hurts me. Whatever the reason, though, I think this isn't the behavior of a healthy happy person/people.



Raleigh
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07 Sep 2014, 7:40 pm

An insight - because I am one of those people who stop talking (I am a despicable human being)
Often I really like the people I stop talking to. It's just that I can't keep it up (the talking)
I would rather they hate me and think I'm a snob than think I'm an unnatural person because I can't get interested in the things they're interested in so I have to lie and pretend in order to appear 'normal'.
They deserve better than that.


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Lucywlf
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07 Sep 2014, 8:31 pm

I am one of those people too. Sometimes you have to give people like us space and don't take it personally. I know it's hard because of the loneliness and the big gaping hole in one's life when people stop talking to you. It hurts when it happens to me too.

Most of the time the person will eventually come back. Also, consider this: if they continually talked to you through those difficult times when they feel they can't, the stress could cause an even bigger negative impact on your relationship than the hiatus.



Aspinator
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07 Sep 2014, 8:46 pm

I can empathize. My mother passed and my brother had POA over her very modest estate. We never were extremely close but we talked 4 or 5 times a year. Now he won't accept my calls or acknowledge I even exist. It still hurts no matter how old you get.



Waterfalls
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07 Sep 2014, 9:11 pm

I don't think it's about loneliness or who deserves what or people's space, it's just incredibly confusing to live in a world where for no discernible reason people shift from friendly to not speaking. And when one has been told enough how socially inept one is, one assumes it is deserved when people stop talking or get angry.



Raleigh
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07 Sep 2014, 9:27 pm

^ Interesting. I never thought people would get hurt by my not talking to them. I just thought it would be better for them and me. Are you talking about friends or people? I'm confused.


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Waterfalls
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07 Sep 2014, 9:46 pm

Raleigh wrote:
^ Interesting. I never thought people would get hurt by my not talking to them. I just thought it would be better for them and me. Are you talking about friends or people? I'm confused.

Friends, coworkers, strangers. People have told me I am weird, and generally not wanted to be friends. Even though I am unsure how I deserve people to ignore me, the consistent message I've taken from their actions has been that I deserve to be ignored. It's difficult to stop thinking that way and recognize someone not talking as about them, when sometimes, it's about me. It's just to me part of being caught up in trying to sort out a confusing world. Someone not talking creates confusion, agitation, uncertainty. They may feel unable, they may think it best. But because I'm always working at sorting what is going on, what is and isn't appropriate, it has a very negative effect no matter who it is.



MjrMajorMajor
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07 Sep 2014, 9:53 pm

It varies for me. Sometimes I'm relieved, sometimes deeply hurt. It's very situational, and I've been on all sides.



Raleigh
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07 Sep 2014, 9:53 pm

^ I am more confused/have more to sort out when someone IS speaking. To have someone not speak to me is a relief.


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BorgPrince
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07 Sep 2014, 9:59 pm

When you ignore a friend, you invalidate him. You are basically saying to him, "Hey! I don't need or want you and don't find you worthy of my friendship."



Raleigh
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07 Sep 2014, 10:09 pm

Sharkattack, it's not your fault.
Perhaps all the people you know are secretly major f**k-ups like me who are socially inept and don't understand anything.


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SplinterStar
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08 Sep 2014, 12:53 am

It hurts all the time, you just have to grow a thicker skin with time or avoid talking to people. I'm sure the people in my building think I'm a dick by not talking to them, but I'm really trying not to have my feelings smashed to pieces. I can shrug off rudeness well now, but the people that avoid me or walk way after 2 sentences still sting a lot.