NEED help! Boyfriend has Aspergers,his mother is cruel

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SweetieBlonde22
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05 Oct 2014, 1:07 am

OK its a long story but I REALLY need advice! My boyfriend is 25, and he lives with his mother and grandmother (Which I see no problem with so that's not what I am upset about) He has Aspergers and his mother has out right convinced him that he is uncapable of living without her because of his condition! She has him basically brainwashed that no one will love him but her,and that people hate him for his condition, basically that if he doesn't stay with her forever that he will live a miserable bullied life. She has him convinced that he cannot do anything such as his dream job (which is to be a musician) he owns many instruments and is a WONDERFUL singer and guitar player! Infact he used to be in a band. The poor man is afraid of life, she has him convinced that because they are Puerto Rican that he has to ask her permission to even go out on a simple date to the movies.

My great grandfather is Hispanic and I have many Hispanic friends and family members due to my Great Aunt Marrying a Mexican so I know this not to be true at all! Plus I have studied his culture, and it states NO WHERE that he is to ask permission,infact the males are encouraged to try to learn the ways of life. He is very capable of living,he has attended college and seemed very fine, he is NOT shy. He has his own income,he is probably the most intelligent man I have ever met...I am deeply and I mean DEEPLY in love with him, <3 This is deeper than anything I have ever felt. My mother and I confronted his mother because she was forcing herself on me,trying to control where Him and I went on our date and now he is really angry at me, we are on the verge of break up...actually we have broken up twice and gotten back together in the last 48 hours. I don't know what to do about his mother, and he basically acts like he could take or leave me even though he has proposed to me, asking for my hand in marriage and we have been intimate, what puzzles me is he is the most lovey dovey touchy feely man I have ever met,but when I reach out to help him....he rejects help? I thought he loved me? He has called me his soul mate several times.


I am a 22 year old Neurotypical and I am hopelessly in love with an Aspie who it looks like I'll never be able to be with....I ask of you, how should I handle this situation? I want him to not be a prisoner of what his mother calls his "Disorder" I feel so horrible because I don't want him to commit suicide from loneliness because he has told me he is alone and I am the only one who loves him :(



hale_bopp
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05 Oct 2014, 1:39 am

He might feel uncomfortable accepting help living with someone who has so much control over him.

Unfortunately you can't do much except try to talk to him. What that woman is doing is terrible.Does he have a youtube channel for his music?



Dantac
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05 Oct 2014, 11:11 am

Yes, its obvious the mother is obsessively controlling of him.
No, there is nothing in any hispanic culture about him needing permission (source: I'm hispanic)

He's 25. Unless theres some kind of court order declaring his mother his legal guardian he can leave any time he wants.

The only solution is for the two of you to live together. Sit down and talk as calmly and logically as you can with him. We do not process emotional arguments very well. He will not be able to live his own life until he gets away from his mother.


If worst comes to worst and he is unwilling to leave his mom (I don't mean abandon/break off contact I mean move OUT of the house) then sadly you'll be best off leaving him and moving on. You won't have a future together if he doesn't want one or wants to include his mom in the middle of the bed between you.