Positive Relationships are Possible for People on the Spectrum - Love & Autism

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alex
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01 Jul 2015, 12:45 am


Anita & Abraham burst into a fit of giggles as they recount their first night as a couple. Anita builds the story and Abraham shares the punch line. In telling it, they appear transported to this early period in their courtship. As the story goes, Anita has a secret that she has kept from Abraham, her best friend and now lover. She is worried beyond belief. She doubts that he will love her when her secret is revealed. She has shared everything except this with the man she now calls her fiancé.

 

At this point, during our weekly skype call, I ...



TheSpectrum
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01 Jul 2015, 12:56 am

Finally, something positive!

Just finished reading. Thanks for sharing the article, Alex :)


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sly279
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01 Jul 2015, 1:50 am

54. hmm. so waited all the life and only find love near the end, happy they are happy but that is depressing to me :(



yellowtamarin
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01 Jul 2015, 2:42 am

sly279 wrote:
54. hmm. so waited all the life and only find love near the end, happy they are happy but that is depressing to me :(

That's only around halfway through one's adult years.



kanashimoo
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01 Jul 2015, 3:36 am

I agree, sometimes good things do happen. I started dating an aspie girl a few months back. Things move slowly but its a very simple and drama free relationship, and as an aspie, I can't ask for anything more. I really hope that it'll turn out as well as Anita & Abraham but so far, so good :)


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Specialisterne is an international nonprofit which has the singular goal of enabling 1 million jobs for people on spectrum. DO check them out! I conducted an interview on national radio regarding my experiences with Specialisterne and SAP.

On a more local level, Focus Professional Services is a consulting organization based in Vancouver, Canada that attempts to hire people on the spectrum to act as IT consultants. They're a very new organization.

For those of us in Vancouver, there is an Aspies Meetup group; pm me if you're interested. I look forward to seeing anyone in Vancouver either in person or in a larger gathering!


rdos
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01 Jul 2015, 3:38 am

Interesting story, but not much new. The level "autistics want relationships" is painfully low, and I bet the conference won't go into the more interesting differences that are so important to the success or failure of neurodiverse relationships.



The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Jul 2015, 5:31 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
54. hmm. so waited all the life and only find love near the end, happy they are happy but that is depressing to me :(

That's only around halfway through one's adult years.


Except it would be hard to have a child at this point.

Yes, even for men - fertility decreases, sperm quality decreases, and the risk of pre-term birth and having a child with disorders and limb defects increase with men's age.
And even if the child is healthy, there are social cons for having an old dad, the child might be deprived from dad-child activities that only a young dad can physically do - also the old dad is more likely to die before the child is ready to be independent than the young dad case.

Also the need to find a partner with a bigger age gap would be harder in the first place.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 01 Jul 2015, 5:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

kanashimoo
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01 Jul 2015, 5:34 am

rdos wrote:
Interesting story, but not much new. The level "autistics want relationships" is painfully low, and I bet the conference won't go into the more interesting differences that are so important to the success or failure of neurodiverse relationships.


This is an excellent point that needs to be carefully addressed. Due to the male:female ratio, its unlikely for a male aspie to find a female aspie (vice versa can very realistically happen too). Neurodiverse relationships can be extremely challenging especially if an aspie lacks a wealth of experience that others at their age might have. A simple, carefree partner who doesn't burden you with unrealistic expectations and is down with anything I feel would be a good match.

The conference is an entire issue on its own. I really wish the best of luck to them. As usual, its impossible to separate cost of an event when talking about aspies. The cost is similar to other conferences (though most conferences would cover the cost of food, I'd suppose this is due to a lack of corporate sponsorship funding) and surely the organizers have tried their best to find speakers willing to talk because they're passionate about the subject, have petitioned for funding from government organizations to reduce the cost as much as possible. I personally could afford to take a $500+ vacation to attend the conference but most people who aren't local to San Diego would be hard pressed to put up the money involved. While I personally have no qualms with hostels, having lived in them for months, I'd wager that many aspies would find it a nightmare and would find it difficult to take advantage of standard cost savings measures in trips.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
54. hmm. so waited all the life and only find love near the end, happy they are happy but that is depressing to me :(

That's only around halfway through one's adult years.


Except it would be hard to have a child at this point.

Yes, even for men - fertility decreases, sperm quality decreases, and the risk of pre-term birth and having a child with disorders and limb defects increase with men's age...and the child might be deprived from dad-child activities that only a young dad can physically do.

Also the need to find a partner with a bigger age gap would be harder in the first place.


You are never too old to do the world a huge boon and adopt.


_________________
Specialisterne is an international nonprofit which has the singular goal of enabling 1 million jobs for people on spectrum. DO check them out! I conducted an interview on national radio regarding my experiences with Specialisterne and SAP.

On a more local level, Focus Professional Services is a consulting organization based in Vancouver, Canada that attempts to hire people on the spectrum to act as IT consultants. They're a very new organization.

For those of us in Vancouver, there is an Aspies Meetup group; pm me if you're interested. I look forward to seeing anyone in Vancouver either in person or in a larger gathering!


The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Jul 2015, 5:38 am

kanashimoo wrote:
rdos wrote:
Interesting story, but not much new. The level "autistics want relationships" is painfully low, and I bet the conference won't go into the more interesting differences that are so important to the success or failure of neurodiverse relationships.


This is an excellent point that needs to be carefully addressed. Due to the male:female ratio, its unlikely for a male aspie to find a female aspie (vice versa can very realistically happen too). Neurodiverse relationships can be extremely challenging especially if an aspie lacks a wealth of experience that others at their age might have. A simple, carefree partner who doesn't burden you with unrealistic expectations and is down with anything I feel would be a good match.

The conference is an entire issue on its own. I really wish the best of luck to them. As usual, its impossible to separate cost of an event when talking about aspies. The cost is similar to other conferences (though most conferences would cover the cost of food, I'd suppose this is due to a lack of corporate sponsorship funding) and surely the organizers have tried their best to find speakers willing to talk because they're passionate about the subject, have petitioned for funding from government organizations to reduce the cost as much as possible. I personally could afford to take a $500+ vacation to attend the conference but most people who aren't local to San Diego would be hard pressed to put up the money involved. While I personally have no qualms with hostels, having lived in them for months, I'd wager that many aspies would find it a nightmare and would find it difficult to take advantage of standard cost savings measures in trips.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
54. hmm. so waited all the life and only find love near the end, happy they are happy but that is depressing to me :(

That's only around halfway through one's adult years.


Except it would be hard to have a child at this point.

Yes, even for men - fertility decreases, sperm quality decreases, and the risk of pre-term birth and having a child with disorders and limb defects increase with men's age...and the child might be deprived from dad-child activities that only a young dad can physically do.

Also the need to find a partner with a bigger age gap would be harder in the first place.


You are never too old to do the world a huge boon and adopt.



Adoption is not possible in all societies; and again.....orphanages would rather hand children to younger couples, or at least to couples; not to a single old man.



kanashimoo
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01 Jul 2015, 5:45 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
kanashimoo wrote:
rdos wrote:
Interesting story, but not much new. The level "autistics want relationships" is painfully low, and I bet the conference won't go into the more interesting differences that are so important to the success or failure of neurodiverse relationships.


This is an excellent point that needs to be carefully addressed. Due to the male:female ratio, its unlikely for a male aspie to find a female aspie (vice versa can very realistically happen too). Neurodiverse relationships can be extremely challenging especially if an aspie lacks a wealth of experience that others at their age might have. A simple, carefree partner who doesn't burden you with unrealistic expectations and is down with anything I feel would be a good match.

The conference is an entire issue on its own. I really wish the best of luck to them. As usual, its impossible to separate cost of an event when talking about aspies. The cost is similar to other conferences (though most conferences would cover the cost of food, I'd suppose this is due to a lack of corporate sponsorship funding) and surely the organizers have tried their best to find speakers willing to talk because they're passionate about the subject, have petitioned for funding from government organizations to reduce the cost as much as possible. I personally could afford to take a $500+ vacation to attend the conference but most people who aren't local to San Diego would be hard pressed to put up the money involved. While I personally have no qualms with hostels, having lived in them for months, I'd wager that many aspies would find it a nightmare and would find it difficult to take advantage of standard cost savings measures in trips.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
54. hmm. so waited all the life and only find love near the end, happy they are happy but that is depressing to me :(

That's only around halfway through one's adult years.


Except it would be hard to have a child at this point.

Yes, even for men - fertility decreases, sperm quality decreases, and the risk of pre-term birth and having a child with disorders and limb defects increase with men's age...and the child might be deprived from dad-child activities that only a young dad can physically do.

Also the need to find a partner with a bigger age gap would be harder in the first place.


You are never too old to do the world a huge boon and adopt.



Adoption is not possible in all societies; and again.....orphanages would rather hand a child to younger couples, or at least to a couple; not to a single old man.


I think in the vast majority of societies, an orphanage would be very glad if you could adopt one of their kids needing a good home.

Evidently, there are and should be stringent requirements for adopting parents. Having an extra bedroom in a house which you own and are able to pay off. Being in a very stable situation physically, emotionally, psychologically. Having a strong cash flow. There will likely be audits and home assessments before an adoption can proceed. For those who have the desire and means, I am confident that you can adopt if you really want to.


_________________
Specialisterne is an international nonprofit which has the singular goal of enabling 1 million jobs for people on spectrum. DO check them out! I conducted an interview on national radio regarding my experiences with Specialisterne and SAP.

On a more local level, Focus Professional Services is a consulting organization based in Vancouver, Canada that attempts to hire people on the spectrum to act as IT consultants. They're a very new organization.

For those of us in Vancouver, there is an Aspies Meetup group; pm me if you're interested. I look forward to seeing anyone in Vancouver either in person or in a larger gathering!


yellowtamarin
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01 Jul 2015, 5:55 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
54. hmm. so waited all the life and only find love near the end, happy they are happy but that is depressing to me :(

That's only around halfway through one's adult years.


Except it would be hard to have a child at this point.

Sure, but he only mentioned "finding love".



RetroGamer87
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01 Jul 2015, 6:11 am

They sound so cute together. If only it could be like that with me and whatsherface. Some days I don't think she's right for me but she's the only girl willing to put up with me.

I think it's wonderful these two found each other. An event worth to sure but I lament how this almost seems to be the exception rather than the norm.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Except it would be hard to have a child at this point.
Good point Boo. One advantage of their relationship is they won't have to deal with children.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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01 Jul 2015, 6:27 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
54. hmm. so waited all the life and only find love near the end, happy they are happy but that is depressing to me :(

That's only around halfway through one's adult years.


Except it would be hard to have a child at this point.

Sure, but he only mentioned "finding love".


I am with Sly on this one, if the first love found is at 54 then yeah...it is tad sad.

I believe It's an entirely different experience.



Eugene14
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01 Jul 2015, 6:44 am

This was really cool to read, I get tired of the assumption that because I am autistic it means I have no interest in people let alone a loving, committed relationship with one person. I might not have the same kind or breadth of friendships as a neurotypical, but I would still get lonely if I had no companionship.
I count myself incredibly lucky that I met someone who understands me and the weird way I work, and even more so that this weekend just passed I got to marry them in a nice simple wedding planned to a high level of autism-friendliness and I have the privilege of spending my life with them.



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01 Jul 2015, 6:54 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
54. hmm. so waited all the life and only find love near the end, happy they are happy but that is depressing to me :(

That's only around halfway through one's adult years.


Except it would be hard to have a child at this point.

Sure, but he only mentioned "finding love".


I am with Sly on this one, if the first love found is at 54 then yeah...it is tad sad.

I believe It's an entirely different experience.

I'm only disputing that it's "near the end" for them. They should have plenty of years of loving each other left.