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cavernio
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05 Dec 2015, 8:05 pm

I realized that I didn't know this. I know how to become close romantically, intimately in that way, but I'm not sure I know what a simple close friendship feels like. The closest thing I think that I know is how I feel towards my sister. I've always just associated that with her though, such that it only applied to her. Now I'm not so sure.

Now that I think about it, I think there's a different emotion I associate with with anyone whom I'm more than vaguely close to. They are all unique feelings. This seems unusual to me. Is this normal or abnormal?


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mewichigo
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05 Dec 2015, 9:12 pm

Though I think a lot of people would say its not normal, I would say it is normal. Considering a lot of people not just aspies don't hold on to long term friendships, and those that do tend to only keep a small group of friends, its hard to say what friendship feels like. Then through years of trial and error we just pick out which experience best resembles it.



Berzerker777
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12 Dec 2015, 6:37 am

Real friendship is when you find someone you know you can count on, and that they can count on you, too. It's basically like a romance, but you don't wanna bang 'em.


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Feyokien
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12 Dec 2015, 6:41 am

Berzerker777 wrote:
Real friendship is when you find someone you know you can count on, and that they can count on you, too. It's basically like a romance, but you don't wanna bang 'em.


Someone should frame that on a wall



Berzerker777
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12 Dec 2015, 6:52 am

I'm full of gems like that one.


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Spiderpig
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12 Dec 2015, 7:24 am

Friendship is a completely alien phenomenon to me, too, and that definition might explain why.

There are some things almost anyone has always been able to count on me for: borrowing my class notes; "help" with homework; having me do the lion's share of any group task; having me spend as much time as needed to help them with something, with no regard for the trouble I'd get into when I had no time left for something else; "borrowing" stuff with no intention of ever handing it back to me, and, when I ask for it, acting like I'm funny in the head; physically beating me if they feel like it,.... Generally anything that means using me as their b***h.

There are other things noöne's ever been able to count on me for: fighting aggressors, and especially succeeding at defending myself or others from them; defending our case if the fight happens anyway and it's halted by some authority; being worth my salt as a teammate playing any sports; anything involving social skills.

So why be my friend when anything useful I might have to offer, you can take by force, with no need to let me count on you, and anything that helps the group as a whole get respect, I can't be counted on for?

In sum, to have true friends, it is necessary---though by no means sufficient---to be both strong and brave.

I think some would say only the latter matters, but, if you're weak and brave, you won't last long, so you'll be dead before anyone can be your friend.


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Berzerker777
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12 Dec 2015, 8:31 am

There's more than one way to be strong... I'm all of them.


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Rudin
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12 Dec 2015, 8:49 am

Friendship is overrated. My friends aren't very nice to me. I do not know why I am still friends with them. I do not need friends to be happy, also my friends are a waste of my time.

I would like to stop wasting my time with them but I do not know how to stop being friends with them, I feel sort of trapped.


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12 Dec 2015, 11:18 pm

Close friends are like immediate family, friends are like extended family, acquaintances are like very distant family.

Strangers are like the family you never knew you had, whenever they show up they usually want something from you.


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ArtemisHolmes
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13 Dec 2015, 7:08 am

What friendship feels like?
"Hey man, can you do me a favor and get me some lunch on your way here?"
-- 2 days later:
"Hey man, I'm gunna stop by and get you some lunch since I know you don't have time to get any."

"Hey, I just kind of want to vent about this professor." *vents* "Thanks for listening, man."

"Have a good winter break!" And genuinely meaning it.

To me, it's a few things. Being willing to do each other favors even if it means a bit of extra work, being a listening ear for what they have to say, and actually caring about what happens to them. That pretty much sums up my semi-close friendships. My best friend, I'd stay up all night for, I'd give a place at my home to stay for awhile, etc.


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