Page 1 of 3 [ 37 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

16 Feb 2017, 10:43 pm

There has been a guy that I've been talking to on a dating site who lives in another town. We were talking about meeting and a few days later he said (without me asking) that he met someone else who lived closer to him. He also said in the same message that he would still meet if I wanted to, but that he wasn't sure how to date more than one person and asked if I would still be interested if the other girl who lives closer wasn't. Then later he said that things didn't seem to be working out with the girl close to him and started to show more interest in meeting me.

When he was telling me these things he said he was doing it to be genuine. If that's why, I really like that he was being honest and up front about it. At the same time though, it makes me think that he's not really be interested and just wants to use me to fill a void until he finds someone else. I know it might be too soon to think about these things since we've never even met. I just don't have much experience with dating and want to be more aware of what his intentions might be since most of the guys who seem interested just seem lonely and don't actually like me.



blackicmenace
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2016
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,465
Location: Sagittarius A

16 Feb 2017, 11:00 pm

Seems fishy to me, if he was really interested in you, why was he talking to another person and talking about dating more than one person, unless he wasn't sure how serious you are or aren't? Definitely don't date him if he is seeing other people unless you are okay with an open relationship. Why can't lonely guys have genuine interest? I am lonely, but that doesn't mean my interests are disingenuous.


_________________
Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.” ― Bertrand Russell


slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

16 Feb 2017, 11:29 pm

blackicmenace wrote:
Seems fishy to me, if he was really interested in you, why was he talking to another person and talking about dating more than one person, unless he wasn't sure how serious you are or aren't? Definitely don't date him if he is seeing other people unless you are okay with an open relationship. Why can't lonely guys have genuine interest? I am lonely, but that doesn't mean my interests are disingenuous.


He said that he didn't know how to date more than one person and that he's new to dating so to me it didn't sound like he wanted to date more than one person at a time.

I'm actually talking to other guys online too. I'm not doing it because I want to play the field or be in an open relationship or anything like that. I'm just trying not to focus on just one guy unless I know they would want to be in a relationship with me because most of the time when I like a guy they don't like me back. I'm not romantically or intimately involved with any of them, but I'm just talking and getting to know them. I don't really feel attracted to any of them yet either. It almost feels impossible for me to be attracted to more than 1 or 2 guys at a time.

I did tell him that I wanted a serious relationship with someone and he said he wanted a serious one too. I also told him I was talking to other people since he told me.

I agree. I'm very lonely, but I would only want to be with someone if I genuinely liked them and not to fill a void. I just meant that there's some people out there who are like that because I've experienced it before.



blackicmenace
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2016
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,465
Location: Sagittarius A

16 Feb 2017, 11:36 pm

Okay, wasn't sure how serious things were. Perhaps you should tell him that you like monogamous relationships so that he knows it won't be okay to date someone else if things develop between you two.


_________________
Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.” ― Bertrand Russell


Alliekit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Mar 2016
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,182
Location: England

17 Feb 2017, 4:55 am

To be fair to him it makes more sense to go for someone closer just because of future logistics. The fact he told you was actually very thoughtful and honest imo.

Give him a chance and you will soon know whether he is actually into you or what you described



Alliekit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Mar 2016
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,182
Location: England

17 Feb 2017, 4:58 am

slw1990 wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
Seems fishy to me, if he was really interested in you, why was he talking to another person and talking about dating more than one person, unless he wasn't sure how serious you are or aren't? Definitely don't date him if he is seeing other people unless you are okay with an open relationship. Why can't lonely guys have genuine interest? I am lonely, but that doesn't mean my interests are disingenuous.


He said that he didn't know how to date more than one person and that he's new to dating so to me it didn't sound like he wanted to date more than one person at a time.

I'm actually talking to other guys online too. I'm not doing it because I want to play the field or be in an open relationship or anything like that. I'm just trying not to focus on just one guy unless I know they would want to be in a relationship with me because most of the time when I like a guy they don't like me back. I'm not romantically or intimately involved with any of them, but I'm just talking and getting to know them. I don't really feel attracted to any of them yet either. It almost feels impossible for me to be attracted to more than 1 or 2 guys at a time.

I did tell him that I wanted a serious relationship with someone and he said he wanted a serious one too. I also told him I was talking to other people since he told me.

I agree. I'm very lonely, but I would only want to be with someone if I genuinely liked them and not to fill a void. I just meant that there's some people out there who are like that because I've experienced it before.


Talking to multiple people on a dating site is normally the norm just to get to know people to see if their personalities attract you. I was rarely attracted to guys either so you're not alone in that (it was a shame cause some of them were really great guys)



slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

18 Feb 2017, 12:04 am

Alliekit wrote:
To be fair to him it makes more sense to go for someone closer just because of future logistics. The fact he told you was actually very thoughtful and honest imo.

Give him a chance and you will soon know whether he is actually into you or what you described


Yeah. I feel like he might be easier to trust since he's being so up front.

I also told him that I had autism when we first started talking. I know it's not a good idea, but I'm sometimes curious to how people would react when I tell them about it. I just don't normally tell people irl because they could use it against me, but if it's someone on a dating site I could avoid them more easily if the decided to so that. He seemed pretty accepting about it though and actually seemed interested in talking about it.



MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,895
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

18 Feb 2017, 6:36 am

@slw1990 you are fortunate this guy seems so honest. It could make him easier to communicate with, and ultimately to confide in.

Just how far away does he live?


_________________
My WP story


slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

18 Feb 2017, 1:27 pm

He lives almost 100 miles away.



MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,895
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

18 Feb 2017, 6:38 pm

slw1990 wrote:
He lives almost 100 miles away.
Whatever reasons you might have to not meet up with him, this should not be one of them. That isn't far enough to interfere with having a relationship, at least not in the early stage. In fact, it might offer some additional emotional security.


_________________
My WP story


slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

18 Feb 2017, 8:13 pm

MaxE wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
He lives almost 100 miles away.
Whatever reasons you might have to not meet up with him, this should not be one of them. That isn't far enough to interfere with having a relationship, at least not in the early stage. In fact, it might offer some additional emotional security.


How would it offer emotional security?



MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,895
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

19 Feb 2017, 5:58 am

slw1990 wrote:
MaxE wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
He lives almost 100 miles away.
Whatever reasons you might have to not meet up with him, this should not be one of them. That isn't far enough to interfere with having a relationship, at least not in the early stage. In fact, it might offer some additional emotional security.


How would it offer emotional security?
That might not have been well phrased on my part, but what I was thinking was, if he lives 100 miles away, and in the future you would be nervous about running into him in public, the likelihood of that happening would be remote. As opposed to if he lives in the same town.


_________________
My WP story


slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

28 Feb 2017, 4:39 pm

I recently met this guy and he made comments about traveling to see me and how it's not too far away. He also was talking about me opening up to him more. It makes me wonder if maybe he's in a hurry to be in a relationship like he might be desperate to be in one, even if he doesn't like me. I also notice that when he messages me he sometimes sends me multiple ones, within minutes, before I reply. He didn't seem to act very desperate when we met though because he does seem to have his own opinions and doesn't agree with everything people say. I notice that a lot of desperate guys seem to agree with everything you say.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 31,187
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

28 Feb 2017, 4:47 pm

^ You are acting like a typical NT woman honestly; overanalyzing every thing a guy makes as a sign of desperation.

You are one of those who makes me to believe more the typical PUA advices on how we men should act cold with the women we date, to not message you frequently, to not show you excessive interest in you, to neglect you, to not first message always, disagreeing with you even if agreeing at heart....all that in order not to make you view us as desperate.

How about to stop over-judging every detail? With that attitude you will never get any caring boyfriend in your entire life.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 28 Feb 2017, 5:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

slw1990
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2014
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,406

28 Feb 2017, 4:58 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ You are acting like a typical NT woman honestly; overanalyzing every thing a guy makes as a sign of desperation.

You are one of those who makes me more believing the typical PUA advices on how we men should act cold with the women we date, to not message you frequently, to not show you excessive interest in you, to neglect you, to not first message always....all that in order not to make you view us as desperate.

How about to stop over-judging every detail? With that attitude you will never get any caring boyfriend in your entire life.


It's something I worry about though because it seems like most of the guys that show interest in me are really just lonely. It's like I would be a void for them to fill until they no longer feel any void. They would go from wanting to talk to me all the time to not wanting much to do with me. I'm not trying to judge him in a negative way, I just want to be aware of the signs.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 31,187
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

28 Feb 2017, 5:03 pm

Ok then.... this won't work with you; break-up with him already now, and give him the closure by messaging him "because I think you're desperate"; be honest.