Got a date with my late Mom

Post Reply New Topic

Wow! December is a cursed month for me but this one took the cake. We added yet another death to the calendar. I'm exhausted keeping up with minimum chores and sleep the sleep of death in between. I don't lock my door and told the Concierge that. Sometimes he's talking to me and I don't wake much. He did my laundry last week.

I don't feel like I'll accomplish everything, such as taxes. I wake at 9am every day but the rest is anybody's guess.

I have a running report in my mind to my deceased Mom, listing tasks I've accomplished (e.g. groceries). These are tasks I have to finish up before I can join her. Cleaning the apartment, for example. I have to get everything in order (also finances) before I can go. It's like we both have copies of the list and we both tick off what got done. But I have to keep trying to get things off the list. So long as I have things to do, I cannot leave this earth.

Does anybody watch/listen to Coast-to-Coast? It's the only interesting thing around but it spends a lot of time on "the other side." Maybe not the best for me now but it's a form of intelligence, at least. I sleep with radio but a lot of it registers. I am very fed up of UFO's and Yeti's. But I want to hear the stuff about the other side.

Anybody - say anything? Thank you.

Keep on making those lists! I'm sure your Mom is proud of you, for being strong through all this.

Sorry December was such a hard month - I hope January will be much better!

I'm sorry about you losing your mother.

There is nothing about Coast-to-Coast to believe. If they announced that the sun will rise tomorrow, that would likely be the only true statement in the entire show.

Nobody on the show has any knowledge about life after death. What they don't know, they make up -- which is everything.

Thank you. It's 1am now. I'm eating bread and cheese. I have frozen meals but even if I nuke them, the idea of using the energy to eat them is too much.

The other day I put out the energy to have a Stouffer's frozen Turkey Dinner, and I threw in some frozen cranberries. It revived me something wonderful. Frozen food is wonderful. I make a point of having meals + veg + fruit. It's good eating, if I'm awake. I don't get junk food any more.

I think I led you wrong. The new Dec death is my sister-in-law. I didn't even know she was sick, which is excusable because we lost touch for 25 years and we weren't a good match. So all I got was a 2 line e-mail that she had passed.

But Mom's been gone for a long time - 10 or 15 years? I never wanted to remember the year. The first few years were very rough but now Mom's here, I can sense her.

I approach C to C with great reserve. Of course it's all nonsense. But somewhere is a kernel of truth that rings a bell with me. I'm probably just grasping at straws.

But no. Me and Mom both have 'messages' when somebody dies. Mom was wakened with a tremendous urgency to pray at the exact time that her sister passed. When my s-i-l passed (not sure of exact time) I woke sitting up, slamming my back against the bars of my hospital bed, with a tremendous urgency that I should wake. In my sleep I was counting - it took 5 tremendous whacks of my back onto the bars. Then I was awake and everything was fine. I knew that the emergency, whatever it was, was over.

I don't really know anything about the other side and I don't think there is much consolation for missing someone but the universe is a strange place. We are all an intrinsic part of it, and remain to be after we die. The universe has more than three dimensions. A dimension is a place in which an attribute of something expresses. Take a rectangular box, for example. We perceive in three dimensions and so the box looks like a rectangular box. It has length, width, and height. If we perceived in only two dimensions, the box would appear as a flat rectangle, with only length and width. If we perceived in only one dimension, the box would appear as a line. We perceive in three dimensions but the universe has more than three dimensions. There may be attributes of things, ourselves included, that manifest in these higher dimensions that we cannot perceive. Time in our universe appears to be an illusion, when Michael Besso, a friend of Albert Einstein died, Einstein wrote the followning to Besso's family:

"“Now he has departed this strange world a little ahead of me. That signifies nothing. For us believing physicists, the distinction between past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.”

Einstein was a proponent of the block universe theory, where everything that can has happened did and everything that can happen will, but we perceive these things in a linear fashion, much like one of those rides at a county fair or Disneyland where you move through different rooms. They are all there at once but you experience them individually. So Einstein did not believe he friend was actually gone.

I don't think I'm going to make that date with Mom. It was all based on keeping up with chores. Today I scrubbed out the moldy bottom of the humidifier, for the change of season. I ate properly. At bedtime I wrapped myself up with blankets and a winter coat. I woke a few minutes ago, perfectly on schedule and warm, and thought "I must d'eye." How? Have you looked outside lately? Or I could phone 911, that's so stupid. Or I could phone the Concierge, he's been nice before. What a cliché. It is now 23:54 on New Year's Eve and I'm avoiding the s word. Stupid on top of everything else.

This is not a threat, I'm asking you for anything. I've just always told WP everything so I'm telling WP this too.

My social worker will be back on Jan.10.

Claradoon, please stay. You're valuable, we need you here.

I looked at your web site and it's incredible... PM me, I'd like to talk to you about it.

I've always liked your avatar. It's beautiful and very unusual. I would hate never to see it again, never to see a post from you again ... please stay.

I don't want to lose my sexy Claradoon!

Claradoon is a very smart and witty lady.

Thank you! That helps so much.

Just glad to see you out and about.