Autism - Is it my fault being out of work for 4 years ?

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Before I started doing paid-work in 2016, I was out of really out of work since leaving university in 2012.
For some reason I feel a bit bad that I was out of work for 3 and half or 4 years. I wanted to go back to university and finish, the reason for leaving was stress and keeping up and having to pay for everything there as I was over 21. I felt like I wanted to go back but it didn't seem an option anymore as I wasn't earning any money because I didn't work whilst studying. I just had to find work and I went to employment courses and had to see the Job Centre once every fortnight to check on the jobs I applied for and getting Job's seekers allowance money to go to places to find work.
I was getting Job seekers allowance for 3 years and had some interviews for jobs after I moved with my dad from Kent to Essex, some sent a letter telling me I wasn't successful or got no reply, I did get some job offers but I turned them down because I felt uncomfortable because it probably was outside my comfort zone and wasn't prepared for the immediate offer, I grew up in Kent and I wasn't quite used to living in Essex then as I am now. I wanted to work in places like bookshops or music stores and didn't really want to work at McDonalds or Poundland. To be honest, maybe I was being rather picky and when I got this job I'm working in now I was pleased I was working in somewhere I liked and was a regular customer to but feel like it was bad to unemployed for that long period of time and on benefits to find work when those benefits are given to you to find work no matter what job it is and not be choosy otherwise it resulted in a sanction and benefits get stopped. My blood boils when I see stuff on TV about benefit scroungers who don't work and that because I was on job seekers I must have been a scrounger in some people's eyes even though I wanted to work and obviously I maybe was being choosy and not taking just any job. I just feel the determination to succeed in something I would like to do, I'm hoping to write my own book at some point.

I do sympathize with you.

I don't blame you for wanting to work in a bookstore, rather than Poundland.

But then I think: maybe it might be better to work at Poundland than at McDonald's. Then, while working at Poundland, continuing to seek out the bookstore job.

What's the difference between Kent and Essex?

I'm an American----but I sense the UK is really cracking down on people on Jobseekers' Allowance. I don't think you're a "scrounger." But it's probably better in this atmosphere to get some sort of work, so you can get spending money.

Who knows?

Who knows what would have happened to you if you had accepted the jobs you were offered? It could go several ways...

- maybe the stress of the unfamiliar would have driven you to a nervous breakdown.

- but maybe, working at a job, any job, would have given you some workplace skills (good attendance, talking to a manager about a problem, socializing with co-workers) that you would need in the future.

- maybe you would have more self-confidence if you had continuously held a job, any job.

- maybe it would have even led to more interesting positions.

So I say, don't beat yourself up over your past situation, but apply your thinking to your present situation. There is little to be gained rehashing the past, and particularly so if your thinking is full of self-rebuke.

I can relate to being out of work for extended periods of time. Before I started getting back out there in the working sector, and eventually finding the jobs that I currently hold, I was out of work for almost two years. I think this was due to the stress of the last stable job I had. I was working as an assistant manager at a local restaurant and it was overwhelming, partly because I was only 18 at the time, and partly because I didn't know about my AS, which meant I didn't know I was having the meltdowns/shutdowns I was having and didn't know how to mitigate them.

No, it is most likely not your fault.

Bear in mind that you started looking for work in a period of significant difficulties in many industries and organisations : times of contracting, times when credit was hard to get, staff facing layoff etc. As a new starter your application form would be in competition with people with many years experience and also in some cases lots of contacts to work as well, and even as firms slowly started recovery, there seems to be a preference for recruiting experienced people at those times.

I would view it as a success that you landed a job in these circumstance and not get two worried about the time it took.

I cant really blame my AS situation which seems really identical to yours, having been on and off benefits for 4+ years, which haven't all been plain sailing, had a few sanctions here and there which were completely out of my control (issuing appointments without notifying me, late buses/traffic), and worst of all criticised and being called a fraudster or scrounger by family and jobcentre staff instead of helping me find a job. At the start of it all i was optimistic in finding a job within the first 3 months, in the next few weeks I did manage to get a full time job at a warehouse but was let go almost immediately because I couldn't handle the workload and long shift patterns. Since then it has been impossibly difficult to get paid work, only filling my time with work experience and volunteering which still doesn't sit well with my job coach/family because i'm not getting paid and I need to pay towards rent and food.

Hard to say. I'm an American so we don't have Jobseekers Allowance here; we do have unemployment benefits which are hard to get and carry a stigma that I don't want any part of. For that reason I've managed to stay employed most of the time, usually in part-time positions with help from family or a social worker. I worked at a McDonald's for about six years altogether and I can say that while it wasn't my favorite job, there are much worse places to be. So while my situation is different from yours, I think you did well to secure a job after all this time.

Why do you care whether it's your fault? Just expect people to blame you, always, to refuse to reason with you and to get increasingly irritated if you try to persuade them, regardless of your merits.

I do sympathize with you my friend, chris1989. I have always had a pretty rough go at remaining employed at any kind of job I could get my hands on. Since the summer of 1993 I've had more than 30 jobs and I've been fired 10 times, suspended three times and I quit the rest to avoid being fired.

I'm at high risk for getting fired at the two jobs that I have right now so the game never stops and I wish to God that it would stop because I'm in danger of having a second heart attack due to all the stress I'm experiencing now.

If my environment changes I lose control of my anger, if old people quit and new people get hired I lose control of my anger, if certain objects aren't in the proper place then I lose control of my anger, if I experience bullying which I always do at work, then I lose control of my anger and on and on and on.

Most days I wish for death.

_________________
*** High Functioning Autism - Asperger's Syndrome ***

ADHD, OCD, and PTSD.

Keep calm and stim away.

If you have a job, you should concentrate on moving forward, and not worry about what may or may not have happened in the past.

I was lucky enough to get my first cheap apartment because I showed up before the other guy did. The landlady said that. A lot of time you just don't know why. And will never know.