Do those of you living with parents in late 20s+ consider?

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The Grand Inquisitor
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05 Dec 2018, 5:11 am

Do those of you living with parents in late 20s+ ever consider what comes next? Your parents aren't going to be around forever, and you'll probably outlive them, so what, you're just going to live with them until they pass and then on top of dealing with the loss of your parent/s you'll need to learn to be independent quick-smart? Not a great strategy.

A parent's job, as described by Dr Phil, is to prepare their children for the next stage of life. If you can never live independently due to a physical disability, mental disorders or whatever else, and you'll need constant disability care even after your parents are long gone, I'm not talking about you, but if you have the capacity to move out, but lack the will and allow complacency to stop you, then one of these days you're going to have to step up, and the longer you put it off, the less time you give yourself to plan, the harder it's going to be. Obviously it's not viable for everyone to move out at a moment's notice, but at least if you're thinking about it and considering what you need to do and have to move out, how you'd go about it, etc then you'll be more prepared for when it actually happens, and you'll be prepared to make it happen rather than have it be forced onto you via unpleasant circumstances.


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EzraS
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05 Dec 2018, 5:27 am

I'm sure my parents would look after me the rest of their lives. But I féel like they deserve a break. So I will of my own accord move into a care home. That of course is a lot easier than leaving to live completely independently.


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05 Dec 2018, 5:35 am

^ Everyone round to EzraS new place for a par tay :lol:


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BeaArthur
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05 Dec 2018, 9:44 am

I'm sure you're going to hear a lot of whining about "it's too expensive in my area," etc. No limit on the number of excuses.

I give EzraS a lot of credit for taking this next step - and I also give him a lot of credit for empathizing with his parents and doing a caring thing for their sake. Good for you, Ezra.


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kraftiekortie
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05 Dec 2018, 9:46 am

Let's hope the place treats Ezra with the proper respect, too.



hurtloam
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05 Dec 2018, 9:49 am

It is expensive to live on your own, but it's cheaper to flat share and tgat gives you a bit of autonomy.

I'd rather be skint and living on my own than live with my parents. I have so much more freedom. I can watch what I want on tv. Cook what I fancy.

You also learn a lot about what really are needs and wants when you pay your own way and you learn how to budget which serves you well in later life.


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05 Dec 2018, 9:53 am

Ezra,

Good luck to you in the future! You have made a brave step and are planning well. I hope that you will be treated well.

Grand Inquisitor,

You make a good point. Just because a person still lives at home doesn't mean they aren't planning for the future. I think about it every day. Independence isn't just where you live, but a state of mind. There are many people who don't live in their parents' home who regularly ask for money or other assistance when they're in trouble. How are these people better than a person who still lives with one or more parents who is planning for the future? My level of functioning has vastly improved in just six short years. I plan to do even more.



kraftiekortie
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05 Dec 2018, 9:55 am

And always remember: a person could be living with his/her parents in order to take care of them.



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05 Dec 2018, 10:00 am

Good point, kraftie. They may also be helping take care of a sibling with a more severe disability than theirs.



BTDT
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05 Dec 2018, 10:15 am

My brother wants my help to move my mother out her home that they have been living in 40 years now that she can't live without his assistance. She no longer drives so she expects him to buy the food. I've asked my friends and they they think it is his problem. I moved far, far away over 30 years ago. She doesn't want to anywhere so I'm not helping him out unless she changes her mind.



BeaArthur
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05 Dec 2018, 11:36 am

BTDT wrote:
My brother wants my help to move my mother out her home that they have been living in 40 years now that she can't live without his assistance. She no longer drives so she expects him to buy the food. I've asked my friends and they they think it is his problem. I moved far, far away over 30 years ago. She doesn't want to anywhere so I'm not helping him out unless she changes her mind.

When did you visit last? She may be in need of Assisted Living or Memory Care; if that's the case, then he certainly can't care for her adequately. And many people with dementia do NOT want to leave their familiar home; but that does not mean they are safe living there.

Just another angle for you to consider.


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05 Dec 2018, 11:37 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Let's hope the place treats Ezra with the proper respect, too.


If they don't, I call for a mass beat-up


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BTDT
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05 Dec 2018, 11:56 am

Yes, she may need assisted living but I think my brother is counting on the estate so he can retire early. There are plenty of assets if his needs aren't considered.



dragonsanddemons
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05 Dec 2018, 2:47 pm

Yes, I do think about what comes next, very much. As it stands, I already feel like a huge burden to my family. Why don't I move out, then? Not for lack of desire or motivation, that's for sure. Presently I'm trying to get my depression to a manageable point and also working on learning the basic life skills I'd need to live on my own. But the biggest problem has been getting a job I could possibly support myself on. I've applied to place after place after place, both part time and full time and yes, including crappy minimum-wage jobs that supposedly "everyone" can get, and I can count the number of places I've heard a thing back from on one hand. The only two jobs I've managed to get were part-time cleaning jobs (one I lost when the company was sold, the other I had to quit when my depression got so bad I ended up in the hospital multiple times) - and I wasn't even close to being able to afford the cheapest apartment I could find. Also, I don't think I could drive safely due to focus/attention issues (a tendency to zone out no matter how hard I may try not to, and any sort of movement instantly draws my eye, like a bird flying across the road or someone jogging on the sidewalk - my eyes would be there instead of on the road, purely reflexively), and we don't have good public transportation around here.

But as for what comes next... well, I've had depression and little to no desire to live for thirteen years with no indication of that changing, so assuming I still want to (and am still alive), I've decided that once my parents are no longer here to be hurt by it, I can go ahead and kill myself.


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05 Dec 2018, 3:29 pm

I worry about this every day of my life. The problem is that my mom really doesn't want me to move out. She will do and say anything to discourage me from doing it.


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