How come people say I look angry then tell me to smile?

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hollowmoon
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11 Dec 2018, 2:40 pm

People always complain that I look angry, and then say always have a smile on your face! But it’s confuses me because nobody actually walks and sits around 100% percent of the time smiling. Also aren’t there hundreds of facial expressions to choose from so why do they always default to smile? It’s confusing.



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11 Dec 2018, 2:49 pm

People will say it less as you get older.


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hurtloam
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11 Dec 2018, 2:52 pm

You're right. I've never thought of it like that.

Smile is just default for happy.

Do you know if you furrow your brow a lot?

I have a friend who always looks angry. She's very nice once you get to know her, but she furrows her brow a lot.

It puts people off talking to her.

I'm not sure how one would relax ones face though.



RichardJ
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11 Dec 2018, 3:40 pm

Sounds as though your resting/neutral face comes off as a negative one.


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AnnieAnn
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11 Dec 2018, 6:53 pm

hollowmoon wrote:
People always complain that I look angry, and then say always have a smile on your face! But it’s confuses me because nobody actually walks and sits around 100% percent of the time smiling. Also aren’t there hundreds of facial expressions to choose from so why do they always default to smile? It’s confusing.



Is it typically men that say that to you? I used to get that a lot when I used to interact more. It was always men who said 'smile', never once a woman. Kind of weird for someone to say that. I know I've never said it to anyone no matter how unhappy they have appeared. When you don't know somebody, its none of your business what expression they have.



Eliza_Day
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11 Dec 2018, 11:27 pm

That sometimes happens to me too. Some men say things like that because they think they are entitled to a woman's attention and they want their ego massaged.

Sometimes they'll also tell you you're 'quiet', often in an accusatory way. I had to get a taxi a couple of weeks ago, and as soon as I got in, the driver said 'You're quiet', to which I replied, 'You're observant'! I don't think he understood what it meant because he asked me again :roll:. I just told him my destination. I'm always polite but don't feel like chatting and that's my prerogative.

Even these days Women, especially if they are young and attractive, are still expected to be approachable, available and submissive. It's almost ingrained into them. Men try to make women feel defective and prudish if they don't behave in a way that is acceptable to them, and will often become agressive if they don't get what they want. Even though many women are capable of holding their own and fighting back, it's still intimidating.

I agree with Buc - it will happen less as you get older because as they age, women naturally become less visible to men, and therefore less attractive.



CockneyRebel
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12 Dec 2018, 12:47 am

I get told the same things a lot as well and it's always creepy, older men who say that to me. They have those creepy smiles on their own faces. It used to happen more often. I dress in such a way where strangers can't tell my gender.


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IstominFan
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12 Dec 2018, 6:05 pm

Smiling when there is nothing to smile about makes a person look like an idiot. Frowning and having an aggressive posture all the time is intimidating. I like to think of myself as a generally happy person, but I don't have a fixed smile on my face. A more relaxed, neutral look is better than either a fake smile or a perpetually angry frown.



Claradoon
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12 Dec 2018, 6:18 pm

OP states my own case exactly. But after many years of adventures, I would like to share my solution: lips closed softly, extend ends somewhat. This is now my default expression. It covers almost anything. Variations as required.

I'll tell you this: tourists ask me for street directions all the time and nobody ever bother my sister for anything. It's body language but those ridiculous books are wrong.



Nickchick
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13 Dec 2018, 8:42 am

Some people (who don't even work at our company sometimes) have told me that at work. It's even more infuriating considering the fact I'm not happy. What is there to be happy about? Okay I have a job sure but it's certainly not one I wanted at all and it pays maybe only slightly above minimum wage. I'm certainly not going to smile also just because you said so.



Noca
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13 Dec 2018, 1:41 pm

People respond to you better when you smile all the time. That being said it doesn't come naturally to me and I rarely smile. It takes a constant concious effort to do so and I can't keep that up.