"He's like a big kid." Is this how people think of us?

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Summer_Twilight
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12 Apr 2019, 7:40 am

Hi:
I ran into a woman who works in another department which is two floors down below mine who works with another former friend of mine who is also on the spectrum. I asked her how he was doing and she proceeded to tell me about how he's "Like a big kid with his humor and his superheroes and that it's cute that he's writing a novel." When I talked to her, it sounded very phony.



TUF
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12 Apr 2019, 7:56 am

Yes but the people who think of us like this tend to have low intelligence and still be involved in secondary school style politics, so it balances out. She sounds petty.

Like what you like.

And good luck with the novel.



kraftiekortie
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12 Apr 2019, 8:02 am

People often think that I'm a "big kid."

It's a combination of affection and condescension that I sense in their attitude.

I don't know-----I just don't like acting all "professional" or whatever. I like acting like me.



Summer_Twilight
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12 Apr 2019, 8:39 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
People often think that I'm a "big kid."

It's a combination of affection and condescension that I sense in their attitude.

I don't know-----I just don't like acting all "professional" or whatever. I like acting like me.


It seemed to me like she was "Just acting" to me too and it was a pretty bothersome and that's why I posted in here.

Kraftie, ha. They are probably low intelligent because they are what I like to call "Ill-educated," and therefore have a real learning disability.

Moving into my friend's situation
My former friend, I feel sorry for him because he hasn't learned to advocate or stand up for himself, which I think would be good for him. Instead, he has been lashing out at others on the spectrum by trying to compete with us. This is by acting like he's above them. He had the nerve to call me "Weird" last year and I know that's a part of him being insecure and having low self-esteem.
He is also not too happy about being there. Rather, he wants to use his master's degree in teaching and is disappointed because one situation didn't work out. So now he's an administrative assistant. I honestly hope he gets out of that job and moves onto a better one.



SocOfAutism
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12 Apr 2019, 8:43 am

Lol this “big kid” has a masters degree. This lady is a goofus.

It’s funny what opinions some people have. I had a conversation with my husband about something like this a few weeks ago. I had been talking to someone and gotten the distinct impression that the other person thought I was a fool. I asked him if it had ever happened to him and he said no. :roll:



domineekee
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12 Apr 2019, 8:57 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

It's a combination of affection and condescension that I sense in their attitude.


Well expressed!
I've been wanting to ask if anyone else gets treated this way. Sometimes my friends seem quietly amused by our conversations, even when I'm being serious. :?



BenderRodriguez
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12 Apr 2019, 9:28 am

I feel for your friend. My wife is tiny and looks very, very young. She has a PHD and is very accomplished professionally, but had to battle her whole life such condescending arseholes. Basic manners used to be a thing.


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Summer_Twilight
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12 Apr 2019, 9:57 am

BenderRodriguez wrote:
I feel for your friend. My wife is tiny and looks very, very young. She has a PHD and is very accomplished professionally, but had to battle her whole life such condescending arseholes. Basic manners used to be a thing.


I do too because and especially after hearing the way she talked about him. For the longest time, I was mad at him because I could not understand why he was being so mean to me. Now I do. He's been let down so many times.

1. He's had to move in and out of his parent's house because of finances.
2. He started working as a teacher in the special education department for a couple of years after getting his master's. They booted him out of there because he was not meeting their standards
3. He wants a girlfriend and has not had any luck with that.
4. Though he seemed to fit in with a group of NTs through a Catholic singles ministry, they all abandoned him after he started his career as a teacher because he was not as available. They stopped inviting him to things and ignoring him.

Should I contact this girl's superviser and let them know how she was talking about him? I thought that was pretty bad.



BenderRodriguez
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12 Apr 2019, 10:19 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
BenderRodriguez wrote:
I feel for your friend. My wife is tiny and looks very, very young. She has a PHD and is very accomplished professionally, but had to battle her whole life such condescending arseholes. Basic manners used to be a thing.


I do too because and especially after hearing the way she talked about him. For the longest time, I was mad at him because I could not understand why he was being so mean to me. Now I do. He's been let down so many times.

1. He's had to move in and out of his parent's house because of finances.
2. He started working as a teacher in the special education department for a couple of years after getting his master's. They booted him out of there because he was not meeting their standards
3. He wants a girlfriend and has not had any luck with that.
4. Though he seemed to fit in with a group of NTs through a Catholic singles ministry, they all abandoned him after he started his career as a teacher because he was not as available. They stopped inviting him to things and ignoring him.

Should I contact this girl's superviser and let them know how she was talking about him? I thought that was pretty bad.


I'm not sure what your company policy is, where I work this would be brushed off as "gossip".

In my experience, what helps is learning to be more assertive and having what's considered a professional attitude: not sharing too many personal details, especially things like superheroes and writing a book to people who aren't friends.

That being said, you shouldn't make excuses for him if he mistreats you, having a hard life is not a valid reason to take it out on those who actually treat you well.


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Summer_Twilight
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12 Apr 2019, 10:35 am

[qoute/]That being said, you shouldn't make excuses for him if he mistreats you, having a hard life is not a valid reason to take it out on those who actually treat you well.[/quote]

I agree with you that his actions are a form of bad behavior and they really are not an excuse. Until today, I really how other people look at him as a person until I ran into a girl today. I realize that maybe he has been using these maladaptive behaviors as an outlet because he doesn't know how to communicate. He probably also is angry that he has a disability and it lashing out at others like myself.

I also like the unwritten rule about not sharing your personal interests with people who are outside of your circle of friends and anyone who has a shared interest.



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13 Apr 2019, 2:01 am

I have a neighbour who I'm sure is gossiping about me like this.

I overheard him say 'she doesn't go to school'.

Um I have an MA and I'm pretty sure he never even went to sixth form. Cheeky git.



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13 Apr 2019, 3:24 am

On some level, yes. I mean when I was studying business, one of the teachers told about my diagnosis to the whole class because they were confused about why my assistan was there (I had an assistan with me the first month or so 'cause I wasn't familiar with the area or buildings at all and have prosopagnosia so recognizing my own teachers was hard.) I didn't want it to be told, but my assistant and the teachers pressured me so long that I gave in. They started treating me differently after that, and not in a good way.

My mom too has less faith in me than in my sisters. Sure, I'm the only one in the family with a serious physical disability and I'm autistic, but I'm not retarded. I live on my own, I work... I can take care of myself just fine when it comes to normal every day things. Heck, I'm more capable than my sisters in the sense that if I can't handle something I don't hesitate to look for help, unlike them. Shouldn't that make me the one she should worry about the least? But no, she doesn't want me to do things outside of my routine without informing her first with details. If I'll start obeying her on that it'll eventually backfire, I'm sure. My life can't always follow my routines after all, something will stray from my plans big time eventually, and the chances that she won't be there to back me up when it happens are high. If I don't get practice with small things first, how am I supposed to eventually become fully independent? Plus, she keeps putting her nose in where it isn't needed, yet she's often unwilling to help me with things I'd actually need help with, claiming that I should know how to handle those things already/that they aren't so hard. It's not like she's entirely wrong; they're usually things she's been teaching me before and come naturally to most, but the main problem is that she won't listen to me at all and seems to think that she knows better what I am able to do and what not!

...Did this get a little off topic? Sorry, visiting my parents now and mom's already driving me crazy.



Fern
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13 Apr 2019, 3:50 am

I've been likened to a child before, but not by my colleagues. I'm not big though, so sometimes I just get mistaken for a kid. I actually got called "diminutive" the other day (which seemed a bit extreme). My response was to take my shirt off and flex my abs. Yes. I am female.


In my experience, people who put others down for being happy (as the OP described) are usually just negative people trying to justify their own negativity.


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IstominFan
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13 Apr 2019, 9:35 am

I have never been called a "kid," although I am small and look younger than my age.



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13 Apr 2019, 10:15 am

IstominFan wrote:
I have never been called a "kid," although I am small and look younger than my age.


I even minded it when I was a kid.

Because of being aspie.

'I'm not a kid, I'm a child. A kid is a baby goat' - me aged 6.