A life lesson for the active guys here: never chase.

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Disclaimer: the purpose of this thread is not how to make yourself more attractive and more 'chaseable' by women, but it's about not to waste time for zero-potentials.

I am a very strong proponent of the rule that if a girl really likes you, then she will make it very EXTREMELY obvious to you - like rubbing her admiration on your face to the extent that it's impossible to miss even for aspies. Things like frequently initiating texts with you, adding you to her facebook, coming TO your way whenever she sees you to say hi and start a conversation with you, small gestures like buying something to eat for you ...etc. The whole thing, when combined together, will become VERY OBVIOUS, you wouldn't even do second guesses even if you have the worst social skills in the universe.

Personally, only those cases flourished into relationships - NO other scenario in the past flourished into anything; which strengthens further my belief in this rule.

Even though I do fall sometimes in a 'chasing the girl mode' pitfalls when I do have a liking of a girl, but I always ending up remembering this rule again; and things always prove me how true it is.

So here' an anecdote story happened recently, there's an introvert girl who works in a different company but happens to be on the same floor of my workplace(so no, we are not coworkers, totally two different companies and two different groups); I had few talks with this girl by coincidence mostly in the lunch places and I did have some interest in her in the past.

I did even attempt to add her on facebook but the request was never accepted; I kept my interaction with her normal of course and I didn't bring up the FB thing to her (I never do, I am smarter than that).


But she obviously developed a liking toward my coworker instead, who's totally opposite of me (and of her): Tall, extrovert, sales-type of person (non technical), smooth talker and very outgoing, very metrosexual, and overall handsome and charming.

The signs she did:
- Talking to him whenever she gets the chance.
- Inviting him to lunch meals.
- Adding him to facebook and initiating texting with him (he showed me).
- Buying for him crafts such as a transitional chocolate box every time she came back from a travel, and she was so bold about it to the point she gave them to him in our office.

Even the guy himself told me that she's obviously chasing him but he was already taken; she only stopped all these gestures at once after he finally got formally engaged with this girlfriend; that was like a year ago.

Then suddenly, few weeks ago she finally accepted my FB's friend request! lol after a year. I did send a Hello with a question related to quarantine (I haven't seen her back then since the lockdown), it was a very casual question - she read it, but ignored me - so I unfriended her right away and decided to forget about it (note: to those who don't know, the fb messenger does show a 'seen' sign when someone reads your message.

My workplace happens to be in a highly secured area, and there's a checkpoint which checks the identify of people whether they're really employees working there; on last Friday, the newly appointed dgendarme couldn't find my name in the list and so couldn't let me in even though I was sure it was there on that very damn list, It has been there registered for 6 months at least but he was refusing to recheck.

Then this girl arrived, we were both wearing medical masks but she recognized me still, and she told him that she knows me, she told him of my name and that I work in the same bloc as hers; she passed, but her talk convinced him to re-check his list for my name until he finally found it.

I wanted to thank her (while deep inside just taking the opportunity ) but she was ahead me already, so I sent her later a FB message of thanks without expecting a reply (again) especially that it was morning during a work time.
But this time she did reply; and she was like "oh it was really nothing" - then the conversation flowed well until I got back to my senses! I just had quick flash memories of how she showed interest toward my coworker vs showing a total meh casual behavior toward me, plus I am a total opposite of that guy so there's no way she would like two opposite types, plus how she ignored my very first text few weeks ago. So I did cut that chat with something like "That was a nice conversation, but I have work now, we will talk later, have a nice weekend." with the thought that if she really has any liking toward me then she will initiate texting at some point later.

Which of course I know she wouldn't because she didn't show any of the signs above (and politely replying to my thank you message is not one of them).

So the purpose of this story? Guys, never waste your time for girls who show like ZERO signs toward you and make ZERO effort to get to know you; and no, a 1-2 signs once in a blue moon like smiling to you once is never enough; these signs must be very frequent, repetitive, and happen on almost daily/weekly basis to be even considered 'being chased'.

I see plenty of guys here constantly second-guessing whether this girl who smiled at them once likes them or not, if you have to second guess then the answer is almost always a no.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 25 May 2020, 4:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Pretty much. The asymmetries mean that you have to wait for someone who you really click with and vice a verse, otherwise if you're a fungible commodity and any of the ASD friction with society or signs that life is difficult for you come up it's highly unlikely that you'll continue to look like a catch, so it's far more trustworthy to be with someone who actually gets something out of you for you - even if that's insanely rare.

When you say they will make it painfully obvious, are you only making reference to girls that are co-workers or someone constantly around you or are you also referring to girls who briefly encounter you during the course of just running errands and such?

I don't even try with coworkers but yeah, she must be someone that you frequently encounter, like a venue you both attend frequently and part of your routine.

Actually, that also includes girls that you may encounter online, like on a dating app too; the key is not the place but the 'painfully obvious' keyword.

Online with a dating app, I usually associate being too obvious as a scammer. Especially when they seem to move too quickly.

So, you are saying that regarding my initial question it applies to quick encounters?

Some individuals made me very clear to me that the were attracted by myself. But they were biological males. So I did not know how to respond. I also feared having a relationship with a girl.

By quick encounter you mean like encountering some random girl in a supermarket? That never works.

The “quick encounter” has to be bit longer than that, like a hiking trip for instance.
I think the more correct question would be: Is she making any effort to know you after this “quick encounter“?

So let’s say you had a quick encounter with a girl in a hiking/nature trip and exchanged your facebook or numbers. Does she ever initiate any texting with you afterword? Any effort sign from her side? If all answers are no then it’s a waste of time.

This happened to me years ago and her interest was extremely obvious; at least for a while before I friendzoned her (we hanged out many times in both group and 1 to 1 setting). This girl still initiates texting to this day.

Thanks for clarifying. Most of my quick encounters would be like at the grocery store.

I've had more than a few women who really reached out to me online & offline but I was in the "just friends" category aka "friend zone" with them. Lots of them liked to talk to me cuz I would listen to them go on & on about whatever(their day, their family issues, their work/school stuff ect), some felt sorry for me(felt I could use a friend to talk to or felt I needed them to help show me the ropes when I had recently started at the 3 jobs I had), & others thought I was gay. My friendship with a few of them got screwed up after I tried making a move on them. However my 1st girlfriend was an online friend who reached out to me when i was going through a very rough moment. We had chatted some before that & had some things in common. We became closer & then she let me know she liked me.

I'm actually attracted to different types of women some of whom seem opposite of each other. I find different characteristics attractive in different women. I can be attracted to a woman who's very wholesome & sweet & dresses very modestly/conservatively. But I can also be attracted to a woman who has a very raunchy sense of humor, an I don't give a f#ck about society attitude, & dresses/looks kinda slu*ty(like breast implants & wears revealing cloths).

That's really not the case I am talking about though.



It's possible, but what matters more is the obviousness of signs (and actions!).

Same here Being equally attracted to clean-cut preppy/athletic women as goth/emo/punk women is a hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy

I agree with this assessment. I've noticed that some women like for men to do the "chasing" but even if she wants you to be the first one to make any moves, you'll know if she likes you or not by the things you described. If she isn't enthusiastic about you, don't waste your time or energy. Sometimes we want to be nice but we're too scared to be honest with a guy because we never know how they'll react (for me personally, I've been on the receiving end of anger/threats when I've rejected someone nicely... so that's why we don't always come right out and say it... it's unpleasant and I just don't tend to trust people).

I agree 100%

Even if it may be sad/hard for many guys.. it's simply the truth lol. Basically every single guy that has ever chased me without me wanting him, ended up in a heartbreak for him. It absolutely doesn't matter what he does or how he behaves. It's not gonna work. If I want him back or if I'm attracted to him in some ways: Jackpot.

BUT rarely there may be situations where something can emerge from a friendship. But in such a case, the guy is not supposed to "chase" the girl. Just don't.

This thread should be stickied then.

What guys need to remember is to see the "big picture", is she overall enthusiastic toward you? Does she make any effort? If no and no, then it's no.

Congratulations, Boo, you've written something on Love&Dating that I totally agree with!