Are you missing out on life if you don't party ?

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chris1989
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14 Nov 2020, 4:09 pm

I am seem to think that probably everybody has at some point gone to crazy parties and clubs and get drunk even those people who don't see it has their ''thing'' like me. To be honest, I have never got drunk on alcohol and only went to one nightclub to see a family friend's friend playing in a band on stage and I found it uncomfortable with all the flashing lights and stuff and stayed outside most of the night I was there. I feel if I was to do these things again at 31 after this pandemic its too late even though as I said its not for me. I seem to think it is a MUST-DO requirement for young people to have a good time and have fun and it annoys me that those who I don't like the partying at a club and stuff are seen as ''sad'' and ''weird'' and ''loners who will never find a man or a woman''.



KT67
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14 Nov 2020, 4:12 pm

Nah, more so the other way.

As long as you're having fun though.



Jiheisho
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14 Nov 2020, 4:18 pm

I do not feel like I am missing out on something at all. When I have talked to those partiers, I don't find they have actually had any more of a rewarding life than I have, just more hangovers.



holymackerel
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14 Nov 2020, 4:28 pm

I look back on my clubbing days with fond memories. They were pretty care free. There is no right answer though. If you don't enjoy it then it is not like you have missed out.



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14 Nov 2020, 4:32 pm

Parties, as far as I'm concerned, is like another form of tasting. A social form of taste.

So what if you don't like the kind with flashing lights and blaring audios, with drinks and the apparent pointlessness of taking risks with a room full of strangers?

Maybe you like somewhere simpler, less offending to the senses, with a purpose and only with people of closer relations?


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Mountain Goat
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14 Nov 2020, 5:59 pm

I have been told I am missing out, but missing out on what? A nights torture and horrible sickness and headaches in the morning? No thanks! :D


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KT67
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14 Nov 2020, 6:00 pm

Night clubs and similar parties can go one of 3 ways:
1 You enjoy it and learn to enjoy it in moderation. A good chunk of the population are like that in youth.
2 You hate it and never go back or only go back to be polite on hen/stag nights and similar.
3 You enjoy it way too much and become a binge drinker.

If you don't enjoy any parties, again, that's your choice/your life. Although it's more unusual. Did you like parties as a kid? Have you tried costume parties, dinner parties, murder mystery parties, games nights? There's all sorts of parties and some of them I like and some I hate.



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14 Nov 2020, 6:03 pm

I did not like parties as a kid. Actually I hated parties. Small parties with three or four people are ok.
Is like wedding parties. I have been out of respect but I usually go early if I can.


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Last edited by Mountain Goat on 14 Nov 2020, 6:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

cyberdad
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14 Nov 2020, 6:05 pm

My biggest regret was this stupid FOMO as a young person developing a fear of missing out.

Parties are incredibly overrated and a waste of precious time. It's an exercise in collective narcissism.



idntonkw
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14 Nov 2020, 6:11 pm

chris1989 wrote:
I am seem to think that probably everybody has at some point gone to crazy parties and clubs and get drunk even those people who don't see it has their ''thing'' like me. To be honest, I have never got drunk on alcohol and only went to one nightclub to see a family friend's friend playing in a band on stage and I found it uncomfortable with all the flashing lights and stuff and stayed outside most of the night I was there. I feel if I was to do these things again at 31 after this pandemic its too late even though as I said its not for me. I seem to think it is a MUST-DO requirement for young people to have a good time and have fun and it annoys me that those who I don't like the partying at a club and stuff are seen as ''sad'' and ''weird'' and ''loners who will never find a man or a woman''.


I tried to party and fit in. Problem was, I was trying to do it with strangers at night clubs. I got a few dances with girls and a few dates. I kind of learned to pretend to have that experience partially. Don't discount the experience, but don't idealize it either. Some cute girls who partied were losers who ended up being raped and depressed for the next twenty years without a good job and lonely like one woman who was fifty in my therapy group. Others, partied and ended up dating a lot and they married one of the people they partied with and had children. Partying does open up social opportunities and gives you an out of your mind transformative experience that helps bond socially with friends and helps with dating. However, some NT people don't party and they party in less standard ways without alcohol or nightclubs, for example by traveling or going out to a restaurant with friends. As an aspie, you miss out in every stage of life from kindergarten, through teenage hood and your thirties and into your seventies and eighties. The social structure and hierarchy remains constant and does not change. You have to look for self esteem and create your own 'party'.

You can go to a bar or a night club that invites an older mixed crowd when pandemic has ended. Don't do anything stupid, but you can place yourself there physically and hope to strike a conversation with someone. That is the point of going out to these places, or to take your friend group there as a place to socialize with you friends. You can still have this experience partially is what I am saying, but it takes a long time and not necessarily worth the effort. Another option is to try taking a social dancing class like salsa dancing or ballroom dancing. They have a mix of party atmosphere without appearing creepy by being the older person. Older people like to party too. It can be lonely too though in these dance places. Good luck. Keep trying and working on your self esteem!



idntonkw
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14 Nov 2020, 6:13 pm

cyberdad wrote:
My biggest regret was this stupid FOMO as a young person developing a fear of missing out.

Parties are incredibly overrated and a waste of precious time. It's an exercise in collective narcissism.


Yes, FOMO convinced to go on travel trips that I did not want to go on because I would be around cool young sexy travel people and it was stupid because I just embarrassed myself and ended up alone watching others have fun. My idiot sister suggested it. What I always wanted to do was learn to go to a gym on a regular basis, never learned and ended up fat, weak and sick.



idntonkw
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14 Nov 2020, 6:14 pm

KT67 wrote:
Night clubs and similar parties can go one of 3 ways:
1 You enjoy it and learn to enjoy it in moderation. A good chunk of the population are like that in youth.
2 You hate it and never go back or only go back to be polite on hen/stag nights and similar.
3 You enjoy it way too much and become a binge drinker.

If you don't enjoy any parties, again, that's your choice/your life. Although it's more unusual. Did you like parties as a kid? Have you tried costume parties, dinner parties, murder mystery parties, games nights? There's all sorts of parties and some of them I like and some I hate.


Yes.

1. You enjoy it in moderation as a social opportunity and a way to clear your head from studying and working.
2. You embarrass yourself or watch others hook up and have fun around you while you are alone and miserable.
3. You keep 'partying' into your forties and end up an alcoholic without a job.



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14 Nov 2020, 6:30 pm

How do you know you weren't already partying? Sometimes it's not so obvious.


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cyberdad
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14 Nov 2020, 6:40 pm

idntonkw wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
My biggest regret was this stupid FOMO as a young person developing a fear of missing out.

Parties are incredibly overrated and a waste of precious time. It's an exercise in collective narcissism.


Yes, FOMO convinced to go on travel trips that I did not want to go on because I would be around cool young sexy travel people and it was stupid because I just embarrassed myself and ended up alone watching others have fun. My idiot sister suggested it. What I always wanted to do was learn to go to a gym on a regular basis, never learned and ended up fat, weak and sick.


Never make choices to please other people, especially family.



TheRedPedant93
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14 Nov 2020, 6:41 pm

Parties irrespective whether they take place in night clubs, bars, discos or at any hierarchical institution are the auditory circle of hell. I was never destined for these sort of societal conformative practices thankfully, so no I am certainly not missing my life by excommunicating from them. Although the only situation I would forcibly choose to attend such a party is over a masquerade ball ceremony (big no no).


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cyberdad
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14 Nov 2020, 6:44 pm

TheRedPedant93 wrote:
or at any hierarchical institution


The key word here is "hierarchical". Parties are never welcoming of outsiders, its a place where you have to force yourself to be accepted (grand entrance?) or stand on the sidelines.