How would you “grade” your social skills?

Page 1 of 3 [ 36 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

Erjoy29
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 18 Feb 2017
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 59
Location: Minnesota

18 Oct 2021, 8:14 pm

I am easily at a D. I don’t fail but sometimes failure actually does happen. And sometimes that gets embarrassing for me but it’s a learning experience. I think it’s sometimes better than isolating. Somewhat less than half the time I get an F. I’m only at D because I smile, I’m friendly, I compliment, I try to say things that are insightful and mind expanding, I try to be positive and keep my energy high. I try to encourage others.

What is your grade and why?



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 14,735
Location: I'm right here

18 Oct 2021, 9:00 pm

C-

I can almost seem fluid except for it's just that I'm not very inhibited, so I tend to f**k up and get to feel anxious about it later.


_________________
Be reasonable, demand the impossible.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


HeroOfHyrule
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2020
Age: 20
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,838
Location: U.S.A.

18 Oct 2021, 9:05 pm

Maybe a C or D?

I'm still super awkward, but I think I understand nonverbal communication, tone, etc. enough now that my understanding of other people isn't that bad anymore.


_________________
I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


Edna3362
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Oct 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,756
Location: ᜆᜄᜎᜓᜄ᜔

18 Oct 2021, 9:27 pm

Any of these.
Image
Meaning my socialization grade could've been anywhere between an A++ or an F--. :lol:


Why??
I don't know! I want to know why too. "Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't."
That's only what's observable enough to make any remark from myself or from anyone else.


_________________
Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).


babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 38,861
Location: UK

19 Oct 2021, 2:34 am

I'd say I have good social skills. I have improved a lot over say the last ten years and I would easily pass on par with the best of them.

I'll give myself a B

I'm charming, funny, I can use empathy and I'm sympathetic, I can read social cues as well and I have good eye contact and I am engaging.

These are all things I've worked on myself and haven't come naturally.

The only reason I didn't give myself an A is because I become self conscious of the fact that I'm doing it sometimes and then I go back in my shell.

Must try harder.



dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,326
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan

19 Oct 2021, 3:12 am

Anyone I don’t know well, I’m lucky to even manage to say anything understandable, so I get an F there (selective mutism in part caused by anxiety). When I am comfortable enough to speak, and am not entirely ignored, I probably get an average of D+. I’ve perfected the art of being invisible (which is what I’ve always done instead of “masking,” since I could never successfully do), the problem is that I don’t know how to turn that invisibility off anymore. But get me going on something and I usually end up doing the monologue thing. Pretty much all or nothing there. But I can read facial expressions that aren’t too subtle, I’m very good at seeing multiple sides of things. I’m also extremely concerned about upsetting anyone in any way, so rather than saying inappropriate or offensive things, I over-analyze before saying anything, and if I have any doubt about anything, I don’t say it, which can be a good thing or a bad thing. Basically I think I have a decent feel for things, but I don’t really know more than the basics of how to actually use that information.


_________________
Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"

When you assume, it makes an a** out of u and me.


babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 38,861
Location: UK

19 Oct 2021, 3:24 am

dragonsanddemons wrote:
Anyone I don’t know well, I’m lucky to even manage to say anything understandable, so I get an F there (selective mutism in part caused by anxiety). When I am comfortable enough to speak, and am not entirely ignored, I probably get an average of D+. I’ve perfected the art of being invisible (which is what I’ve always done instead of “masking,” since I could never successfully do), the problem is that I don’t know how to turn that invisibility off anymore. But get me going on something and I usually end up doing the monologue thing. Pretty much all or nothing there. But I can read facial expressions that aren’t too subtle, I’m very good at seeing multiple sides of things. I’m also extremely concerned about upsetting anyone in any way, so rather than saying inappropriate or offensive things, I over-analyze before saying anything, and if I have any doubt about anything, I don’t say it, which can be a good thing or a bad thing. Basically I think I have a decent feel for things, but I don’t really know more than the basics of how to actually use that information.


You actually sound like you have a good foundation to build on there.



WeirdMetronome
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 7 Oct 2021
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 87
Location: UK

19 Oct 2021, 3:25 am

I can't remember the last time I socialised lol, unless chatting to another neurodiverse friend via WhatsApp counts :P In which case, that goes completely A+++ :lol:

On a good day maybe I can make it to a C. I think it also depends who I am talking to. Generally, I think it is easier with older people. I can't seem to get along that well with people my own age unless they are also neurodiverse. I'm really not great at putting on an act and maintaining it, especially as I've gotten older. I just don't have the energy for it anymore. I save it for when I really need it, like at job interviews or something. :P



HeroOfHyrule
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2020
Age: 20
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,838
Location: U.S.A.

19 Oct 2021, 3:35 am

dragonsanddemons wrote:
...Basically I think I have a decent feel for things, but I don’t really know more than the basics of how to actually use that information.

I relate with this last bit a lot. I "get" how a lot of things work socially, but I am horrendous at actually applying those things myself.


_________________
I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
Assimilation: 49

Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 21,280
Location: UK

19 Oct 2021, 5:17 am

My social skills are "spiky", so I can't just give myself one grade. I have a different grade for different social skills and it's impossible to give myself one overall grade.


_________________
Female
Aged 31
On antidepressants
Have ASD, ADHD and anxiety disorder
Empathy score: 61 out of a possible 80. (High)


Steve1963
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2020
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 956
Location: western MA, USA

19 Oct 2021, 5:21 am

I'll give myself a 'C' at one-on-one encounters; a solid 'F' in a group setting. I still can't get beyond small talk with anyone and actually make a friend though. So maybe I should just give myself an 'F' overall?



Flown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Sep 2016
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 1,711
Location: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

19 Oct 2021, 5:26 am

As many here have said, it is a hard thing to grade. If this broad category were split into multiple (more specific) categories and assigned a grade, I could probably come up with an average. That being said, I don't think my social skills are great at all. What categories would do you all think should apply here?

Maybe:
-Masking 101 - I'd get a B+ on this one. I have a lot of experience with it, but I'm unlearning it to the best of my ability.
-Holding Fluid Conversations with Strangers - I'd get a D on this one.
-"Appropriate" Gestures & Mannerisms - I'd get a C on this one.
-
?
Please feel free to add on :P


_________________
ૂི•̮͡• ૂ ྀ


Flown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Sep 2016
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 1,711
Location: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

19 Oct 2021, 5:31 am

Steve1963 wrote:
I'll give myself a 'C' at one-on-one encounters; a solid 'F' in a group setting. I still can't get beyond small talk with anyone and actually make a friend though. So maybe I should just give myself an 'F' overall?


I think I am probably about the same on average. I can mask enough with a one-on-one conversation, but it can quickly become tedious (depending on how I'm feeling physically and mentally that day). Group conversations are nearly impossible. All the noises just smudge together and I can't make anything of it. I can make or attract friends (not very easily), but I'm not so good at keeping them.


_________________
ૂི•̮͡• ૂ ྀ


babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 38,861
Location: UK

19 Oct 2021, 5:32 am

I've met plenty of none asd people who's social skills leave quite a lot to be desired.

I reckon people who use this forum are pretty cool and have quite good skills. At least most are self aware enough to even be able to self assess.



Steve1963
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jun 2020
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 956
Location: western MA, USA

19 Oct 2021, 5:57 am

Flown wrote:
Steve1963 wrote:
I'll give myself a 'C' at one-on-one encounters; a solid 'F' in a group setting. I still can't get beyond small talk with anyone and actually make a friend though. So maybe I should just give myself an 'F' overall?

I can make or attract friends (not very easily), but I'm not so good at keeping them.

If you don't mind me asking...how do you make and attract friends? I'm excellent at small talk...but I don't know how to connect with people enough to get beyond the acquaintance stage. I'm at a point in my life (I'm 58) where I wouldn't mind making a friend or two...



DuckHairback
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2021
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 568
Location: Dorset

19 Oct 2021, 7:20 am

I'm a C, I think.

I can do business talk. I can do day-to-day social interactions (shop keepers, doctors, my kids teachers - that sort of thing). Generally I'm okay when I feel like there's a 'purpose' to the conversation.

Close family (I mean my partner and daughter), I'm relaxed, I am myself. My partner does observe that I'm not terribly communicative but I don't feel like I'm under pressure or have to mask. It feels natural.

Friends (I don't really have any, I guess I mean my partner's friends) and wider family I can do for a limited time period. I can't relax and I present a very managed version of myself. I find it exhausting.

I like to know a conversation is a possibility so I can prepare.

If a stranger surprises me by initiating a conversation, I'm all at sea. Mind goes blank.