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Joe90
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05 Aug 2022, 2:55 pm

https://www.newsweek.com/i-have-autism-aspergers-syndrome-1730468

Reading this article (from another thread) has made me more self-conscious and has increased my social anxiety and agoraphobia levels, because it points out that no matter how normal an Aspie looks they still get insensitive taunting by strangers in the street. I don't like it. I don't want to go out in public knowing I'm going to be stared at and laughed at despite being a female that doesn't look mentally disabled or different. If I do look a little nervous or shy (even though I don't show it enough to stand out, like flapping or wringing my hands, it's mostly in my facial expression), I don't see what people can comment on it. What do they whisper to each other when they see me or the guy in the article? "Oh, that man/woman looks shy, that's hilarious!" If I, or anyone I know for that matter, sees somebody with very subtle body language that may vaguely indicate what they're feeling, it's not exactly enough to comment on and it's not that funny. A person flapping their hands when nervous may typically draw more stares and laughs, but not when you have your arms by your sides and you're just going about your business like the next person. I try to see myself from their perspective by catching myself in mirrors or shop windows as I walk past, and I look no different to anyone else. Nothing to write home about. So what is there to laugh about? I thought NTs had empathy?


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Fnord
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05 Aug 2022, 3:00 pm

I am sorry, Joe!  Had I known it would have affected you this way, I never would have started that thread.

:(



Joe90
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05 Aug 2022, 3:03 pm

Fnord wrote:
I am sorry, Joe!  Had I known it would have affected you this way, I never would have started that thread.

:(


Oh...sorry, I didn't notice who'd started the thread, but no it's not your fault anyway. You can't not say things just because of me. :) And it wasn't a triggering thing to post anyway, as everyone else loved it. It's just me and I probably would have come across it elsewhere anyway.

Don't blame yourself, please. :)


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Fnord
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05 Aug 2022, 3:10 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
I am sorry, Joe!  Had I known it would have affected you this way, I never would have started that thread.
Oh...sorry, I didn't notice who'd started the thread, but no it's not your fault anyway.  You can't not say things just because of me. And it wasn't a triggering thing to post anyway, as everyone else loved it.  It's just me and I probably would have come across it elsewhere anyway.  Don't blame yourself, please.
Okay.  I just do not like hurting people who do not deserve to be hurt.



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05 Aug 2022, 3:11 pm

No you haven't hurt anybody. :)


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Raleigh
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05 Aug 2022, 3:19 pm

It can be something as mundane as your posture.
I know I've had lots of comments on my posture, as it's "too perfect", or rigid.
Like I'm supposed to slouch all over the place to fit in.
People will pick on anything, you can't win.


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Joe90
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05 Aug 2022, 4:00 pm

Raleigh wrote:
It can be something as mundane as your posture.
I know I've had lots of comments on my posture, as it's "too perfect", or rigid.
Like I'm supposed to slouch all over the place to fit in.
People will pick on anything, you can't win.


But not every person has the same posture. The only time you'll notice a slight posture difference is in an army of soldiers. In a run-of-the-mill supermarket for example, the only way a posture can stand out is if someone has cerebral palsy, and even that's not that funny.


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Caz72
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05 Aug 2022, 4:03 pm

people only laugh or stare at me when im having a meltdown in public or getting all stressy and flappy

but according to the definition of empathy here people should start having meltdowns with you and react with consideration

but they dont.they think its hilarious and entertaining


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Raleigh
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05 Aug 2022, 4:20 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
It can be something as mundane as your posture.
I know I've had lots of comments on my posture, as it's "too perfect", or rigid.
Like I'm supposed to slouch all over the place to fit in.
People will pick on anything, you can't win.


But not every person has the same posture. The only time you'll notice a slight posture difference is in an army of soldiers. In a run-of-the-mill supermarket for example, the only way a posture can stand out is if someone has cerebral palsy, and even that's not that funny.

I must have been imagining people openly mocking my posture then. :roll:

Just because you, personally, don't notice it
Doesn't mean others don't notice it in you.


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kraftiekortie
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05 Aug 2022, 4:26 pm

Honestly, I believe most people in crowded shops are too busy to notice anybody's posture. And most that aren't too busy don't really care all that much.

I used to be self-conscious like that----until I realized how distracted people are when they are performing their daily tasks.

My mother is worried about how people observe me in restaurants, not eating like Emily Post would. She doesn't realize that people in restaurants are too much into their own thing to care about other people at other tables.



Joe90
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05 Aug 2022, 4:29 pm

Quote:
Just because you, personally, don't notice it
Doesn't mean others don't notice it in you.


This is why I feel self-conscious when out. I don't want to be a figure of ridicule. I just want to hide away and never go out. I feel I don't deserve to be out, like I'm bad or a freak with 3 heads or something. Sometimes it makes me want to commit suicide so that people can't laugh at me any more.


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Joe90
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05 Aug 2022, 4:30 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Honestly, I believe most people in crowded shops are too busy to notice anybody's posture. And most that aren't too busy don't really care all that much.

I used to be self-conscious like that----until I realized how distracted people are when they are performing their daily tasks.

My mother is worried about how people observe me in restaurants, not eating like Emily Post would. She doesn't realize that people in restaurants are too much into their own thing to care about other people at other tables.


Ideally yes, but according to the lad in the link I posted people are too busy noticing him and laughing at him to focus on their own lives.


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Raleigh
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05 Aug 2022, 4:33 pm

You can't control others reactions to you.
Only your own.
My grandmother would have called it "character building".


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Joe90
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05 Aug 2022, 4:41 pm

Raleigh wrote:
You can't control others reactions to you.
Only your own.
My grandmother would have called it "character building".


I do control my own, most of the time. If I don't (like if I express annoyance or something) I am aware of it so it's my problem. Otherwise I go out looking and acting normal. It's why I get frustrated when people stare or laugh at me, because I feel I'm failing and I don't know how to deal with it. I wish I could ask them what they find so comical about me and if I should be a comedian, but I don't do confrontations and anyway they wouldn't give an answer, they'd probably think I'm some crazy paranoid freak and they'll just laugh even more.


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babybird
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05 Aug 2022, 4:57 pm

How do you know they're staring and laughing at you?



Raleigh
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05 Aug 2022, 5:11 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
You can't control others reactions to you.
Only your own.
My grandmother would have called it "character building".


I do control my own, most of the time. If I don't (like if I express annoyance or something) I am aware of it so it's my problem. Otherwise I go out looking and acting normal. It's why I get frustrated when people stare or laugh at me, because I feel I'm failing and I don't know how to deal with it. I wish I could ask them what they find so comical about me and if I should be a comedian, but I don't do confrontations and anyway they wouldn't give an answer, they'd probably think I'm some crazy paranoid freak and they'll just laugh even more.

I mean by controlling your reaction to it:
you either let it get to you
or you brush it off and learn to live with it
Because it's outside of your control
And why should you have to conform to everyone else
To keep them happy
When they're obviously a***holes.


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