Page 1 of 1 [ 10 posts ] 

elgat0verde
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 1 Sep 2023
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 21

02 Sep 2023, 10:24 am

Hi there

Hope everyone is doing well

I am writing this because I am terrified of meeting new people in person

I am an introvert and like my solitude but sometimes (not all the time) feel like it'd be nice to have someone to talk to or hang out with.

However I am very not good at meeting new people and basically have given up looking for an understanding and supportive friend, it's been so many years of trial and error and always falling I to the "error" side with abusive manipulative NT people.

It has been something that has happened to me all my life just emotional abuse and manipulation.

I've always felt like a square peg on a round hole in the world and as an outsider weirdo, people don't get me and I don't get people, a lot of what they do just doesn't click with me.

I've tried MMOs but just interacting with others online gives me a lot of anxiety, interacting with anyone really.

I don't know if anyone else feels like this but sometimes it makes me incredibly sad, being so misunderstood and not finding a connection even with my own family (they all are NT and toxic narcissists).

I don't understand why I need to adapt to a NT world and force myself into a mold I don't fit in just to be accepted, I was in that mold for many years and my body is full of scars and blisters, I can't even remember who I truly am



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,809
Location: New York City (Queens)

06 Sep 2023, 10:44 pm

Have you tried attending a local autistic adult support group?

If not, I would suggest looking for them on Meetup.com. Also, if you live in the U.S.A. or Canada, google "Autism Society" followed by the name of your state/province to see if you can find a local chapter of the Autism Society, and then see if it has a support group for autistic adults.

What are your hobbies/interests, if any?

Also, approximately where do you live? Don't be specific enough to endanger your privacy, but I would suggest that you let us know what country you live in, and, if it's a large country, your state/province/region and/or major metro area. Others here might be able to suggest helpful local resources.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)


elgat0verde
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 1 Sep 2023
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 21

20 Sep 2023, 12:40 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Have you tried attending a local autistic adult support group?

If not, I would suggest looking for them on Meetup.com. Also, if you live in the U.S.A. or Canada, google "Autism Society" followed by the name of your state/province to see if you can find a local chapter of the Autism Society, and then see if it has a support group for autistic adults.

What are your hobbies/interests, if any?

Also, approximately where do you live? Don't be specific enough to endanger your privacy, but I would suggest that you let us know what country you live in, and, if it's a large country, your state/province/region and/or major metro area. Others here might be able to suggest helpful local resources.


Hi Mona

Where I live there aren't a lot of resources for adults with Autism

I'd rather not say where I live until I am a bit more comfortable here but it's a third world country so, people like me are treated like mentally challenged people dude to society not really understanding the big spectrum of ND people

Also I don't really like people here, a lot of bullying and abuse and they just seem... boring? And I don't mean it in a bad or offensive way but in a way of everyone my age not having my interests

I absolutely love music and really like videogames, I also like food

I like cats although I never had one, just dogs that I love too, I love all animals and living creatures (I don't kill mosquitoes or flies or roaches)

Just... people is my problem



spasmodichercules
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2023
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 9
Location: up yer bum and to the left

21 Sep 2023, 9:38 am

I've been using the phrase "Square peg in round hole" for years! I think it perfectly describes people like us, we have no choice but to shove the wrong peg in the wrong hole because the world is built for NTs

Do know, though, that message boards are better than nothing and can positively help mental health. I was off the grid ENTIRELY (like not even commenting on a YouTube video - NOTHING) for 7 years and on top of that have had no friends that entire time.

I'd say don't give up, even a little sliver of hope and minimal effort will get you somewhere if you keep going at it.

I can't speak for others, but I would not bully or manipulate anyone, as I have a long history of being bullied. I don't even know how to lie :lol:



elgat0verde
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 1 Sep 2023
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 21

21 Sep 2023, 11:26 am

I do agree that message boards are better than nothing

It's easier for me to be more social like this and yeah it's strange how the world is made for certain people

I always felt different from everyone growing up and when I found out I have autism it was a lot of "oh so that's why I am like this"

It's sad that people don't get us tho, and we are portrayed as if we all act like certain people



spasmodichercules
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2023
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 9
Location: up yer bum and to the left

21 Sep 2023, 3:35 pm

Autism isn't easy, that's true. The worst part is when people think we're grumpy or unfriendly, when we just have that look on our face all the time :lol:

The title of this thread sums it up pretty nicely. Since I've joined this forum I've had a strange feeling like I might say something that someone takes the wrong way... 8O Like I'll inadvertently offend somebody and set off a cascade of ranting.

I'm terrified both of the "lesser quality" people who sneak into the picture and cause an uproar, and I'm also terrified I'll screw things up with the nicer people.

I have one friend that I've had since high school and he's the most skilled NT I've ever known. He could get a trophy for being so good with people. And I wonder if that's not why he still keeps me on his radar, BECAUSE he has such adept social skills.



elgat0verde
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 1 Sep 2023
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 21

22 Sep 2023, 10:54 am

For me is more about being hurt by people

I have been hurt a lot by NT people that I built some high thick walls as of late

It's been a whole life of bullying and emotional abuse that has caused me to be scared of starting anything with anyone

I'm glad you have a friend dude, I honestly have no friends at all because the ones I had weren't really friends

So now I don't really talk to anyone outside of what I post here



blitzkrieg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,658
Location: United Kingdom

22 Sep 2023, 11:40 am

The best way in my experience, to make social anxiety better, is to at least take some kind of medication that helps anxiety. Or do what NT's do and drink some alcohol to make you feel more sociable. It doesn't have to be a great amount.

In addition to the above, exposing yourself to social situations more often is the only way to get used to socialising, as difficult as it may seem at first. Even if you don't learn any new social skills, you can at least become less apprehensive of them by knowing you make it out alive over and over.



elgat0verde
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 1 Sep 2023
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 21

22 Sep 2023, 7:26 pm

Thanks for the tips but I don't like pills and I quit drinking a long time ago because I had problems with it, moreso in college

Bring out there is not very good for me and, again, I don't think I need to conform to living like an NT and masking because I feel like I am who I am, you know?

I actually downloaded an app called slowly and have sent a couple "letters" to people

Some of them have responded and some just don't but that's ok, what is for me will find me, right?



Campingbare
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 26 Sep 2023
Gender: Male
Posts: 218
Location: Central Florida

16 Nov 2023, 9:56 pm

I am also in that club. Hate meeting new people in person. Don't really want to interact in real time like chat or especially video chat. This mode of operation suits me well, since I can think about what I want to say as long as it takes. No awkward pauses in real time while I try to express something or answer a question accurately.

I have had one friend since high school (over 50 years now). We always seemed to "get" each other. We're both quiet and have similar interests. I only found out I am ASD1 earlier this year. When I mentioned it to my friend, he told me he had been pretty sure I was. He was diagnosed about 10 years ago. He never mentioned it to me or anyone else until I told him about myself. He had done enough research after being diagnosed that he was pretty sure I was autistic as well, but he felt it best to keep that to himself. Frankly, I know I would have been skeptical, but I would have researched it then and learned what I learned earlier this year.

So based on my sample of 1, maybe befriending other autists is the way to go.


_________________
Broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 139 of 200 Your neurotypical score: 60 of 200
Aspie Quiz (v5) 155 of 200 .. AQ 48 . Detailed Aspie Quotient for adults 1,540 out of 2,200 (70%)
RAADS-R Total 192 of 240 Social Problems 91 Circumscribed Interests 42 Language 19 Sensory Motor 40
Meyer-Briggs: INTP Comorbidities: Narcolepsy, NPD, Alexithemia, Dyspraxia, Prosopagnosia, Anomia, IBS
........................If God meant for us to go around naked, we'd have been born that way........................