Personality matters if they find you physically attractive

Page 1 of 2 [ 32 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

StrugglingFrustration
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 24 Jan 2024
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 13

13 Feb 2024, 8:45 am

A recent bombshell I found regarding the importance of personality. It matters, but not in the sense of being constant for any context of social interaction. Basically, if you meet someone within the first 5 seconds, and they start turning their head to the side or looking disgusted/surprised, then they don't find you physically appealing. They may still find commonality with you, or you may share a class/social group with them. However, at that point, they won't care about your personality. Even if you became friends with that person, personality does not take the friendship into a relationship, it only prevents the friendship from failing if it's good or severs it if bad.

In the context of dating, personality can turn a yes into a no but rarely a no into a yes. An exception is when people who were friends for a long time eventually started dating is, for example, the other person (or both) don't have options in their social circles and so they circle back to some of the people they knew to get to know them deeper.

It's been a tough pill at first, but now I recognize the importance of how physical appearance plays a role in dating. I've been obese much of my 20s and used to think it was my personality and lack of confidence, even though many people said I was confident and kind. I'm focusing on losing weight and working out to improve my physique before trying my luck in dating again.



rse92
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Oct 2021
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,086
Location: Buffalo, NY

13 Feb 2024, 9:09 am

Hoo boy I can already see this responses coming to this post.



honeytoast
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2020
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,052
Location: 1Q84

13 Feb 2024, 9:15 am

Dawg it's too early for this sheet.


_________________
dear god, dear god, tinkle tinkle hoy.

~~~~

believe in the broken clock and who's side will time be on?


TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 21,540
Location: Hell

13 Feb 2024, 10:35 am

Given individual variation, it’s too complex of a topic to be easily summed up in a couple paragraphs. People find different things attractive. I think most people have something attractive about them. With that being said, some people, like me, don’t really experience physical attraction and care more about personalities. I don’t understand why physical appearance would even be important. Just because someone is attractive doesn’t mean that they’d be a good person or a good lover. It’s obviously important to some people though. I’m just describing my own experience/perspective and demonstrating how we’re all different.


_________________
Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven. – Satan and TwilightPrincess


Benjamin the Donkey
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2017
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,311

13 Feb 2024, 5:11 pm

For me, I'd say it's the opposite: physical attractiveness matters if I already find your personality attractive. In other words, if I like your mind, I'd like to talk with you and maybe be friends. If I also have a physical attraction to you, then I might be interested in more. (If I were single, which I'm not.)


_________________
"Donkeys live a long time. None of you has ever seen a dead donkey."


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 59,869
Location: Stendec

13 Feb 2024, 7:18 pm

Either everything matters, or nothing at all.


_________________
 
No love for Hamas, Hezbollah, Iranian Leadership, Islamic Jihad, other Islamic terrorist groups, OR their supporters and sympathizers.


nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,123
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

14 Feb 2024, 5:51 am

Fnord wrote:
Either everything matters, or nothing at all.
Did you take a philosophy class? :wink:


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,274
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

14 Feb 2024, 6:29 am

There are some people whose personalities are so magnetic that it compensates for their lack of attractiveness. I don't think it possible for such a person to be on the autism spectrum, though.


_________________
My WP story


DuckHairback
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2021
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,227
Location: Dorset

14 Feb 2024, 7:07 am

While I don't dispute that when you first meet someone physical attractiveness is important, I'd point out three things.

The first is probably obvious, that different people find different things attractive and that we are not the best judges of our own attractiveness.

The second is that people here (maybe everywhere, I don't know), when they find themselves repeatedly rejected or passed over by those they'd like to attract, tend to assume it's their physical attractiveness that's putting people off. They rarely seem to consider that it might be their personalities that could use some work.

Thirdly, my experience has been that once I start to find someone's personality attractive, I start to find aspects of their physicality attractive also. I don't know how universal that is, but that's what happens with me.


_________________
And they told me there'd be people there, whose love could make me whole. But I walked among them yesterday, and never saw a soul.


babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 64,229
Location: UK

14 Feb 2024, 7:22 am

MaxE wrote:
There are some people whose personalities are so magnetic that it compensates for their lack of attractiveness. I don't think it possible for such a person to be on the autism spectrum, though.


:lol: why


_________________
We have existence


MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,274
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

14 Feb 2024, 7:23 am

^I agree.


_________________
My WP story


MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,274
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

14 Feb 2024, 7:24 am

MaxE wrote:
^I agree.

This was meant as a response to Ducky's comment. Babybird just sort of slid in there.


_________________
My WP story


babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 64,229
Location: UK

14 Feb 2024, 7:28 am

Oh yeah I've read it now. :D


_________________
We have existence


MaxE
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,274
Location: Mid-Atlantic US

14 Feb 2024, 7:29 am

babybird wrote:
MaxE wrote:
There are some people whose personalities are so magnetic that it compensates for their lack of attractiveness. I don't think it possible for such a person to be on the autism spectrum, though.


:lol: why

If you lack theory of mind, then I don't think you can have that effect on people. I suppose it might be possible if one's autism is entirely due to sensory processing problems, and they're in an environment that doesn't aggravate those problems. I have absolutely nothing in common with people like that. I have experienced women being attracted to me but having problems with my personality. But that's just me, I suppose.


_________________
My WP story


babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 64,229
Location: UK

14 Feb 2024, 7:48 am

Yeah I'm probably moderately attractive and I have had a lot of interest in my life but I have so many personality issues (not autism specific) that I just become like a toy for men to use and discard of. I gave up during my 30s and resigned myself to one night stands and the like.

My bf ATM loves absolutely everything about me and it baffles me so much. I see it as irrational because I'm just not used to it.


_________________
We have existence


TwilightPrincess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2016
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 21,540
Location: Hell

14 Feb 2024, 9:30 am

MaxE wrote:
There are some people whose personalities are so magnetic that it compensates for their lack of attractiveness. I don't think it possible for such a person to be on the autism spectrum, though.

Just as with physical appearance, I think that different people find different personality traits appealing/attractive.


_________________
Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven. – Satan and TwilightPrincess