Feeling like you're living to pass time?

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AbominableSnoCone
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31 Oct 2005, 10:46 pm

Ever had this feeling? Like all your dreams and goals have failed, succeeded or don't matter any more. Not feeling empty, not feeling depressed, not feeling angry... just sorta floating through your day. Going through your classes and passing, being relatively polite to people but not really interacting meaningfully. Feeling very "grey" seems to describe it. Now when I'm here in my apartment I can't seem to concentrate on a book, a movie, can't find anything interesting on TV. I should find something to talk to a friend about on AIM but I can't seem to muster up a good topic for conversation. So I'm pretty much just curled up in a fetal position on my bed right now. Not feeling depressed or suicidal or anything. Just kinda drifting.



stlf
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31 Oct 2005, 10:49 pm

it is times like that that I am thankful for WP, TV, salty snacks, good books, and video games. Don't fret snocone...not all of life is fireworks, bide your time, and I am confident that you will find a new passion and spark soon. In the meantime...feel free to post your thought's/feelings, or even IM me if you like.



AlecZander
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31 Oct 2005, 10:54 pm

Actually, I fee like I have this feeling daily. It comes more in the evening. In the morning, I write and work and go like a bat out of the bad place. Then, when I don't finish a huge project by evening, I figure it's all useless. :lol:

Something about the way we're wired, I think.



NeantHumain
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01 Nov 2005, 12:04 am

Yes, I think this is part of a severe major depressive episode. I consider it your mind's adjustment to a life that thoroughly lacks meaning to you. It shuts down because it knows it's unneeded. Eventually, you can't even hold a meaningful thought because it seems anything you do doesn't amount to anything. You have little to say because you've experienced so little.



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01 Nov 2005, 12:17 am

I often am like this and I tend to play 'Time' by Pink Floyd when I do.

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
And you are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in a relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in a quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over, thought I'd something more to say

Home, home again
I like to be here when I can
And when I come home cold and tired
Its good to warm my bones beside the fire

Far away across the field
the tolling of the iron bell
calls the faithful to their knees
to hear the softly spoken magic spell



DrGonzo
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01 Nov 2005, 4:10 am

I think you described how i feel about life very well.



Sanityisoverrated
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01 Nov 2005, 4:23 am

Yes I get this too. It reminds me of the first few scenes in Fight Club.



spacemonkey
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01 Nov 2005, 12:04 pm

I feel like this a lot. But I think the rat race is little more than a distraction. As James Taylor says "the secret of life is enjoying the passing of time."
When I went through my bout with major depression and insomnia, I started painting and drawing. Just purely to fill the void. I don't think I had a tv at that time. So I would just sit and play with paint in the early morning hours when I was the only one awake and felt completely alone. I have always found art to be a great way to pass time and it can really bring meaning and joy to my life as well.

mjs82 wrote:
I often am like this and I tend to play 'Time' by Pink Floyd when I do.


Great song. If you want something really interesting to do, play it (dark side of the moon) over the wizard of oz.
http://www.turnmeondeadman.net/DSotR/Intro.html


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larsenjw92286
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01 Nov 2005, 4:00 pm

I most definitely do feel that way.


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01 Nov 2005, 4:03 pm

spacemonkey wrote:
I feel like this a lot. But I think the rat race is little more than a distraction. As James Taylor says "the secret of life is enjoying the passing of time."
When I went through my bout with major depression and insomnia, I started painting and drawing. Just purely to fill the void. I don't think I had a tv at that time. So I would just sit and play with paint in the early morning hours when I was the only one awake and felt completely alone. I have always found art to be a great way to pass time and it can really bring meaning and joy to my life as well.


Hmm, I tried to do a little creative writing a few weeks ago, maybe these grey periods of nothing to do would be a good chance to go back to it :)

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Yes I get this too. It reminds me of the first few scenes in Fight Club.


Yeah come to think of it, periods like this are part of the reason I got so obsessed with Fight Club late in high school. Great film. I got through those feelings of isolation and uselessness by working my ass off, but last night I just really had no work to do. Hence the grey mood.

Quote:
I often am like this and I tend to play 'Time' by Pink Floyd when I do.


Great song. Everything on that album is really. :D

Quote:
Yes, I think this is part of a severe major depressive episode. I consider it your mind's adjustment to a life that thoroughly lacks meaning to you. It shuts down because it knows it's unneeded. Eventually, you can't even hold a meaningful thought because it seems anything you do doesn't amount to anything. You have little to say because you've experienced so little.


OK this confused me, I said I wasn't really feeling depressed didn't I? Not being depressed is part of a major depressive episode? The tiredness and lack of attentiveness was similar to my depressive periods, but I wasn't really feeling overtly sad. It was more like after going through a hellish exam week there was just no work left to do and the sudden loss of progress in my life (and not being able to focus on any meaningful hobbies for some reason) left me feeling agitated and confused.


Quote:
it is times like that that I am thankful for WP, TV, salty snacks, good books, and video games.


Listening to "The Arcade Fire" is what ended up getting me through the evening

Quote:
Actually, I fee like I have this feeling daily. It comes more in the evening. In the morning, I write and work and go like a bat out of the bad place. Then, when I don't finish a huge project by evening, I figure it's all useless. Laughing

Something about the way we're wired, I think.


Yeah things not getting finished can be really annoying to me. I have a very checklist-oriented personality. And when I don't feel like I'm checking things off, or doing something useful, I get annoyed with myself and feel like I'm just taking up space.

Well thanks for replying everyone!



techstepgenr8tion
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01 Nov 2005, 4:24 pm

AbominableSnoCone wrote:
Ever had this feeling? Like all your dreams and goals have failed, succeeded or don't matter any more. Not feeling empty, not feeling depressed, not feeling angry... just sorta floating through your day. Going through your classes and passing, being relatively polite to people but not really interacting meaningfully. Feeling very "grey" seems to describe it. Now when I'm here in my apartment I can't seem to concentrate on a book, a movie, can't find anything interesting on TV. I should find something to talk to a friend about on AIM but I can't seem to muster up a good topic for conversation. So I'm pretty much just curled up in a fetal position on my bed right now. Not feeling depressed or suicidal or anything. Just kinda drifting.


Yeah, I tend to a bit unless I've got some solid plans with friends comming up, have something major in terms of a job prospect comming up, or am working on some more dark jungle. Then again, even though I do feel that constant push, I think it's more of an ADHD or possibly OCD thing than strictly AS. The nice thing is though when I really am having a good time, having a few drinks with friends, or watching a good movie, I really don't feel it as much - just when I have liabilities weighing on my mind.


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Gareeth
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01 Nov 2005, 6:26 pm

Yes I often feel like I am just passing time. I don't see myself accomplishing much more in my life. It does feel like I am a little video game person with the sand in my glass just running out while I go around doing pointless things.
I don't know how to change that perception though.



Sanityisoverrated
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01 Nov 2005, 8:45 pm

Gareeth wrote:
Yes I often feel like I am just passing time. I don't see myself accomplishing much more in my life. It does feel like I am a little video game person with the sand in my glass just running out while I go around doing pointless things.
I don't know how to change that perception though.

Haha yeah, sometimes it feels like playing a Sonic game and running out of air underwater... all the music gets all panicy, and you know you're going to die soon, but you're still moving in slow motion...



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04 Nov 2005, 1:43 am

AbominableSnoCone wrote:
Ever had this feeling? Like all your dreams and goals have failed, succeeded or don't matter any more. Not feeling empty, not feeling depressed, not feeling angry... just sorta floating through your day. Going through your classes and passing, being relatively polite to people but not really interacting meaningfully. Feeling very "grey" seems to describe it. Now when I'm here in my apartment I can't seem to concentrate on a book, a movie, can't find anything interesting on TV. I should find something to talk to a friend about on AIM but I can't seem to muster up a good topic for conversation. So I'm pretty much just curled up in a fetal position on my bed right now. Not feeling depressed or suicidal or anything. Just kinda drifting.

Yes, and it almost led to my suicide.


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04 Nov 2005, 1:48 am

NeantHumain wrote:
Yes, I think this is part of a severe major depressive episode. I consider it your mind's adjustment to a life that thoroughly lacks meaning to you. It shuts down because it knows it's unneeded. Eventually, you can't even hold a meaningful thought because it seems anything you do doesn't amount to anything. You have little to say because you've experienced so little.

I was depressed for 9 years, and it was this grey state of nothingness that drove me to see a doctor. It was this state that is forcing me to apply for compassionate withdrawal from all but one of my classes at university this semester. It was this state, rather than just feeling terrible, that led me to question if there is any point to life.


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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I