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crocus
Deinonychus

Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 352

25 Apr 2010, 12:16 pm

Why do socially challenged people go broke?

They have Asplurgers Syndrome.

ruveyn
Veteran

Joined: 21 Sep 2008
Age: 87
Gender: Male
Posts: 31,502
Location: New Jersey

26 Apr 2010, 2:57 am

MysteryFan3 wrote:
Asparval wrote:
How many aspies does it take to change a light bulb?

Just the one.

You don't actually change the bulb, you replace it.

Rim Shot!

ruveyn

Kenjuudo
Veteran

Joined: 7 Mar 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,552
Location: Norway

26 Apr 2010, 5:46 am

Bluefins wrote:
About assburgers - you know what the ass on a pig is called?
Ham.

Quote:
Sedaka: Man leaves his cabin to go bear hunting. He starts out by heading due north, then goes due west where he finds and kills a bear. He then heads due east back to his cabin.

What color is the bear?

White.... He killed a polar bear cause he's at the north pole.

JustMax: You can't go north from the north pole...

TallyMan: Yes, for the joke to work he would need to go due south, then east then north and be back where he started. Or South, then west then north.

Lau: No. The wording is only slightly off. The deduction is correct - that the bear is white. The elaboration, that the hunter was AT the north pole, is inaccurate. It should say that he was NEAR the north pole.

In fact, he was at any distance of the form A/2+B/((2n+1)π) from the pole, where A is the distance he travelled in a straight line after setting off due north, B is the distance he travelled always due eastwards and n is the number of times he passed his cabin before stopping.

You can also throw in a few circumnavigations of the globe, through both poles... but that would be rather unlikely.
I've got another deduction. Why bother asking what color the bear was if it was not white?

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luvmyaspie
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Joined: 31 Mar 2010
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 921
Location: QLD Australia

26 Apr 2010, 8:24 am

Love the Ass Burgers Wendigopsychosis!! !

I have posted this one before...but this seems like an appropriate thread to post it again...

My aspie was telling me about his life in a nut shell: "Help! It's squashy and dark in here! And I can't breath!"

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katzefrau
Veteran

Joined: 11 Apr 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,835
Location: emerald city

28 Apr 2010, 1:06 am

How many aspies does it take to change ...

... i wonder what the origin of the light bulb joke is? (opens new browser window and does google search: "light bulb joke history" .. opens relevant web page and reads history ... opens fifteen more relevant pages in new tabs until certain the basic information contained in first page is accurate .. creates bookmark folder entitled "light bulb jokes" inside "games" folder on bookmark toolbar ... changes mind, moves folder into "obscure" folder in "reference" folder of bookmark toolbar ... spends three hours finding lists of light bulb jokes, cutting and pasting into word document ... spends ten minutes editing grammar and spelling in said jokes ... spends forty-five minutes organizing jokes by category ... changes all jokes in document to same font ... returns to thread and reloads page ... re-reads previous posts ... )

what was the question?

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Owl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 1 Apr 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 57

28 Apr 2010, 4:53 am

NT: Why did you s**t in my bin?

ASPIE FRIEND: Because you were in the bathroom and I didn't want to bother you.
Also I thought that your bathroom is so clean and smells so nice and I knew I was gonna drop a real horror, and another point
I considered before my action - or more precisely 'movement' was that your bin is dirty and smelly so I thought this was the most appropriate area to drop one considering all the factors I've just mentioned.

Owl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 1 Apr 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 57

28 Apr 2010, 5:06 am

Two friends on the phone.

NT: I'm just chilling at the moment, watching some movies, havin' a beer - What are you doing?

ASPIE FRIEND: I'm taking the cosine of my own latitude and multiplying that by the rotation speed of the earth at the equator to get my own current speed.

* This happened to me the other day.

The other outcome to this joke.

Two friends on the phone.

NT: I'm just chilling at the moment, watching some movies, havin' a beer - What are you doing?

ASPIE FRIEND: Holding the phone to my ear listening to you.

wendigopsychosis
Velociraptor

Joined: 11 Apr 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 471
Location: United States

28 Apr 2010, 7:09 am

Owl wrote:
Two friends on the phone.

NT: I'm just chilling at the moment, watching some movies, havin' a beer - What are you doing?

ASPIE FRIEND: Holding the phone to my ear listening to you.

Hahahahaha- whenever someone asks me that question, I always say, "Uh, I'm on the phone..."

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Valoyossa
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Joined: 20 Feb 2010
Age: 37
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Posts: 2,287

28 Apr 2010, 7:37 am

Me too
People often ask the questions like What are you listening? or How it goes? (it means How do you do? ).
I know what does it mean, but some years ago I didn't and now I like to have some fun, so I reply Last album of Depeche Mode! or Nowhere, I stay at home.

People say that Autism is discrimination because of car.

Uh, I don't know jokes.

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Change Your Frequency, when you're talking to me!
----
Das gehört verboten! http://tinyurl.com/toobigtoosmall size does matter after all
----

Owl
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 1 Apr 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 57

28 Apr 2010, 7:45 am

Valoyossa wrote:

People say that Autism is discrimination because of car.

.

HA HA HA HA ! LMAO!

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It's easier being a robot

wendigopsychosis
Velociraptor

Joined: 11 Apr 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 471
Location: United States

28 Apr 2010, 10:44 am

Valoyossa wrote:
People say that Autism is discrimination because of car.

Took me a second to get it, but I like this one hahaha.

(If anyone else doesn't get it, think of another word that begins with "Aut.")

_________________
I'm an author and public speaker on autism, gender, and sexuality

Asp-Z
Veteran

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

28 Apr 2010, 10:54 am

wendigopsychosis wrote:
Valoyossa wrote:
People say that Autism is discrimination because of car.

Took me a second to get it, but I like this one hahaha.

(If anyone else doesn't get it, think of another word that begins with "Aut.")

I still don't get it... Am I just being slow here?

kreb1958
Snowy Owl

Joined: 29 Aug 2007
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 129
Location: West Sussex UK

28 Apr 2010, 11:04 am

Think "auto"...

Asp-Z
Veteran

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

28 Apr 2010, 11:06 am

Ahh I see!

crocus
Deinonychus

Joined: 12 Apr 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 352

28 Apr 2010, 11:18 am

katzefrau wrote:
How many aspies does it take to change ...

... i wonder what the origin of the light bulb joke is? (opens new browser window and does google search: "light bulb joke history" .. opens relevant web page and reads history ... opens fifteen more relevant pages in new tabs until certain the basic information contained in first page is accurate .. creates bookmark folder entitled "light bulb jokes" inside "games" folder on bookmark toolbar ... changes mind, moves folder into "obscure" folder in "reference" folder of bookmark toolbar ... spends three hours finding lists of light bulb jokes, cutting and pasting into word document ... spends ten minutes editing grammar and spelling in said jokes ... spends forty-five minutes organizing jokes by category ... changes all jokes in document to same font ... returns to thread and reloads page ... re-reads previous posts ... )

what was the question?

my twin! Do you also have a favourite font? I have to change everything to verdana.

ruveyn
Veteran

Joined: 21 Sep 2008
Age: 87
Gender: Male
Posts: 31,502
Location: New Jersey

28 Apr 2010, 11:47 am

Valoyossa wrote:
Me too
People often ask the questions like What are you listening? or How it goes? (it means How do you do? ).
I know what does it mean, but some years ago I didn't and now I like to have some fun, so I reply Last album of Depeche Mode! or Nowhere, I stay at home.

People say that Autism is discrimination because of car.

.

I don't get it. Could you explain please?

ruveyn