Dealing with Misconceptions about being a Woman on the spect

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Hi, my name is Julie. I have PDD-NOS, which is similar to Asperger's. As a kid, I had anxiety from being on the spectrum. I had a lot of meltdowns and sensory issues. My mom brought me into the doctor but they told her not to worry. As a teenager, I fell into a deep depression and an eating disorder. After being hospitalized 5 times in a behavioral health hospital, I was taken to a neuropsychologist. After 2 days of testing, I finally got diagnosed as on the spectrum. I've had therapy and medication for 4 years. I have gotten better from the support of my family and the meds. However, therapists have said some hurtful things due to misunderstanding. I was wondering if anyone had similar issues with neurotypicals or even "professionals" who completely give wrong "advice." I now live happily without a therapist because I feel better about myself not having one.

If it makes you feel better, I had a guidance counselor tell my mother that I was 'psychotic' due to my meltdowns in high school. It wasn't until college that I got diagnosed with AS, ADHD, and OCD (although that last one I had self-diagnosed before getting the official one) thanks to a psychologist on campus.

Whenever I move to a new town, I always have to go through 3 or 4 counselors before I find one who doesn't speak to me like I am a temperamental child. I am a grown, educated woman and yet the majority of the professionals I have encountered treat me like a toddler. I do not know if this is simply because of my Asperger's or if being a woman plays a part. However, I can assure you that you are not alone and that if you ever decide to seek the help of a therapist, there are good ones out there. It just takes patience and persistence to find them.

It happens a lot. I saw 8 therapists in three cities over 15 years (this is not including the psychiatrists who mostly did meds checks) none of which mentioned aspergers or autism despite the fact that what I was describing to them was classic autism problems. When I finally came to realize though my own research and attending a women's asperger's support group that it was very likely I am an aspie I sought out a diagnosis. Upon receiving the diagnosis my therapist at the time of over 2 years said, "But you have so much empathy. That doesn't make any sense." Needless to say I did not return to that therapist.

After over a year of not having one I just recently started with a new therapist. I found her through the Psychology Today website. She listed asperger's as one of her areas of experience. Armed with my diagnosis, a new perspective, and a specific goal for the therapy sessions I asked her a lot of specific questions about her thoughts on autism, women on the spectrum, and other questions to see how open she was to learning new things since aspergers was not an area of expertise but only of experience. We've had 2 session so far. I think she will be helpful, but I'm taking it one session at a time.

BTW in spite of my username I am female.

I am curious what experiences you have had, because it's hard to speak about this in such vague terms.

I will say that I've seen a lot of therapists/specialists/etc. I was diagnosed on the spectrum a few years ago, but before that I was still diagnosed with a language disorder, ADHD, and sometimes various mental illness labels.

Before being diagnosed ASD, all therapists treated me with respect. Afterwards, only two did (one was a speech therapist and one was an ASD specialist with a daughter on the spectrum). The rest were awful! Something about seeing ASD on the paper brings out some really odd and unhelpful techniques.

One in particular, kept abruptly almost yelling (in the middle of conversation) for me to look at her eyes. As if, that were the point of our sessions. It was so uncomfortable and surprising that it made me really anxious. No one in my life before her (and I was 30 at the time) complained about my lack of eye contact. It was not interfering with my life at all. But, this therapist thought I needed to "correct" it ASAP. I didn't stay with this therapist long.

My suggestion is to either:
1) keep searching until you find someone competent--and know it might be awhile
2) find an ASD specialist, but still be wary, if you can find one with experience with adults
3) downplay or even completely hide the fact that you have ASD and speak completely in terms of actual issues (which will likely sound most like anxiety)
4) be incredibly, incredibly patient and educate your therapist (unlikely to work, but does positive things for the world)

I'm sorry. I know this sucks.

I only started going to counselors when I was 23 (my parents were not in favor of it so it was something I had to seek out on my own). The few counselors I have been with seem to know next to nothing about autism so I end up doing a lot of educating. I've been lucky in that they generally treat me quite well, and I'm very glad for this. I'm hoping to be a college professor and I actually enjoy teaching so it's kind of fun. It would be nice to finally have a counselor who has some expertise in it though.

If they aren't treating you with respect you owe it to yourself to leave and find someone better. Don't reward their prejudice by giving them business.

In high school I had issues with often simply not feeling up to go to school. But I did not have any other diagnosable symptoms of illness. The doctor did test me for multiple things which came back negative. I eventually received a case of "it's all in her head." My family was not familiar with the idea of psychosomatic illness so this translated to "faking it."

I think that it might not be just being a woman. At the time I grew up Asperger's was not widely know. Many people (including myself) were clueless to the idea that someone with above average IQ could be on the autistic spectrum.

I also think that our symptoms are easy to mistake for other mental conditions.

My first therapist perceived one of my main problems to be over reacting to things. (From what I know now, I was reacting in ways that would be fairly typical for someone with AS.) So the over reacting must not be about the thing itself, but some other issue that is causing me to be upset. Based on my studies of psychology, his guess made sense. It would be the most logical explanation. It just was not the right explanation for me. I felt like this counseling did not help me at all. It may have made it worse.

My second therapist (many years later) also guessed wrong. In this case my issues were because I was verbally bullied when I was younger and my mother was overly critical. Which might have been part of the issue, but I do not think it was the main thing. I felt like it helped me a little bit. But after a while, I felt like going over past issues was not going to help me anymore. Again, her diagnosis makes sense from a standard psychology perspective.

I also did a lot of self help stuff. But I was fixated on the idea that my issues were based on [insert swear words here] that I went through growing up. I am gradually coming to the realization that they are not. It is about dealing with stuff going on right now. It is about accepting that I get stressed out by things that do not stress out most people.