Living Life WITHOUT Autism

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I spent 22 years on my various jobs over the years hidden in bathrooms saying the same thing over and over again until it became my mantra. Whats wrong with me, whats wrong with me for up to a half hour until I calmed down or someone needed to use the toilet. I aways knew something was not right with me I thought it was ADHD but then I met other people with ADHD who said it was not even close to ADHD. I watch some afternoon talk show they talked about different autism spectrum disorders my parents looked over at me and said thats you.Then I mentioned it to one of my friends who has HFA and he gave me some phone numbers to call. I get tested in August 6th and it took me 22 years to finally pinpoint what was wrong with me and do something about it. 22 years pretending to be normal lying about my feeling or why I did something weird has just about wore me down I believe it why my blood pressure is so high.

I'm 28 and have lived life trying to be an NT since 26. When I was a child, I had a large amount of HFA traits. As I grew up, I had no other choice but to constantly be around people (brothers, classmates, large family) and so, I was forced to develop coping skills. Like the way a river carves its way through rock over time, some traits went away and were replaced by "working" social skills.

Things like eye contact, social cues, and learning to not be so gullible improved; however, the understanding of how to "feel" normal while attempting to "look" normal never did. I think a person can dismiss their condition and maybe improve over time, but they will be unhappy in the same way that a cat wouldn't feel satisfied trying to be a tiger. Embrace what you are.

I've been trying to do that for years. It is simply too difficult.

I was trying to do that, between the ages, 5 and 23, when I was diagnosed with depression. I tried it again, from 2007 to Mid 2009, playing the part of the tough one, instead of the vulnerable one. "I ain't special...I've got spiked green hair, and an attitude, to match!" That ended in disaster.

Thanks for this question, Listening to the replies here just helped me to see that i will never be able to be a neurotypical person, thou sadly so many about me still expect me to be. It's like the whole world about me expects me to be.

I'm 39 yrs old and only just been officially diagnosed with Asperger's, i didnt know i had this condition till last year and as soon as i heard about it, i KNEW i had it.. it was so me.

ive lived my whole life ATTEMPTING to be normal and blend in (with those around me just thinking im being stupid or weird) but knowing i wasnt normal, knowing something was wrong with me.

My attempt has been so highly stressful for me and hence ive ended up in mental wards in hospitals on so many different occassions or trying to flee life entirely. (ive probably been in hospital due to break downs about 7 times).

i cant do it i cant be normal but who knows when those around me will accept that and stop expecting me to be. i've had such a hard and horrid life already due to such expectations put on me. i long to be able to be myself and have the HELP i need to blend blend in with society when i want to be there.. not when im being forced to be.

I have for many years tried to be normal just to fit in the world and all that's ever done was give me more stress and I did after all was brought up how a normal child would of been brought up but it would of been difficult since I was pretty much a difficult child.

Even in school, I tried to be normal but I didn't seem to do pretty well at it. They would of figured then.

But in secondary school, I was in a special ed, so I couldn't really hide that and it seemed like a relief, but in public, I tried to look and feel normal, pretty much gotten better the older I got and my autism isn't really severe, more to the mild - slight moderate case of it, so it isn't really affecting me too much but only social wise though.

My life living without autism, it just kills me, I started being more like myself and realized I wasn't that much different, but just socially awkward, I squint and I stim (including hand flapping)... :lol

But yea... That's pretty much what I needed to say really.


- superboyian. =]

Here's the thing, Violet. You can never be normal; that's true. But for you, "normal" isn't the optimal condition. It's not something you're meant to be.

What makes me really mad when it comes to educating young autistics is that a lot of parents think they can therapy their child's autism away. Their goal is to force their child to be non-autistic, to imitate NTs to the best of their ability. And on the way, the kid's skills get ignored, his way of learning gets ignored, and his preferences more often than not get trampled on, or, worse, used as "rewards" for acting normal. Instead of doing that, they need to be teaching their kid the things that would be useful for him to learn--so that he can grow up to be a happy, competent, autistic adult. Not an awkward, neurotic imitation of NT.

You can't change your brain wiring. What you can do is learn things that will make life easier for you: How to communicate, on your own terms; how to handle stress; how to access and take advantage of accommodations and therapy; how to stand up for yourself against people who are still bigoted against autistics. You're not trying to train yourself to "blend in", but simply to communicate with the rest of the world, to use your own skills your own way, and to make your own life in a world where you, more often than not, are on the edge of the Bell curve.

I spent most of my life not knowing I had Aspergers, so it's not hard for me to recall what it was like to be unaware of it. These days I aspire to a lifestyle in which I don't have to think about AS very often, though I guess I'll always need to bear in mind that there are some environments that will bring out the worst in me, just so I don't walk into trouble out of wishful thinking.

I guess the nearest I got to trying to wear the "normal" badge was this: many years ago I'd stumbled on a very friendly neighbourhood in which I did very well socially, having previously had severe doubts about my ability to socialise. I got a little too cocky, and went alone to a party at which I knew nobody. I was immediately plunged back into the time in my teens when I was making a complete mess of mixing with people, and I felt all the embarrassment, loneliness and pain that I thought I'd grown out of. The party was for a class of students who had just taken their exams, and I wasn't even doing any education at the time......so we had nothing in common from the start. Yet I launched myself into that party as if I would have no problem at all, because I'd been to parties in my neighbourhood and done well.....but I knew most of the people at those parties, and we hada lot in common, and they were more friendly people as a rule.

So I prefer to stay Aspie-aware. I still like to push against my supposed social boundaries and I love to crow to myself when I've just done stuff that Aspies "can't" do, but these days the experiments are better controlled.....I always look hard at the risks when considering a social engagement, and I try to plan accordingly. And I used to just condemn a lot of the activities I can't do as worthless or bad, whereas these days I tend to just say it's not for me right now, and that makes me feel better about the rest of the word and its weird antics.

I tried that. I ended up loosing my grip on reality and myself! And, nobody even believed me about it, anyways.
If you really want to be 'normal' then nobody here can stop you from trying to achieve that, but I hope this post and all of the others serves as a fair warning into what the consequences of that might be.

Well i didnt get diagnosed till I was 18 and I was in denial till I was gullible enough to get sent to a psych ward by a stupid idiot that didnt care a s**t about me. for a 72 hour hold and then they reliazed afterwards that i wasnt crazy just depressed and gullible. Before I got diagnosised I used to think that I was just super shy. But then I wondered why so many shy people were liked and I wasnt. Why so many shy people could make friends so easily yet it was so hard for me. I thought i was normal

I was told by my diagnostician that I over-compensated and tried to hard to be normal and that it wasn't doing me any good.

I am myself now which is easier, I still try to be careful not to be too blunt or hurt people as I believe that even NTs try to be considerate but I allow myself leeway.

Being easier on myself leads to problems because I get things wrong, and I get things wrong because I am not constantly auditing myself. This does lead to problems and stress but not nearly as much as the constant vigilance did. I also know now not to mix too much with people because making too many mistakes lessens my self-esteem.

Exact. I'll try to live as Japanese man. Doesn't matter I'm European girl

Autism doesn't mean I walk around and speak I'm autistic, I can't do anything, because I'm sooo autistic, omg... I live with this condition all my life and I try - better or worse - live in this world as good as I can. I'm a student, I got a job recently, I can live on my own... and I'm autistic. I don't go to the parties and meet with people, but I don't want to. I know my weaknesses and strengths and I try to use this knowledge. I won't be NT, but I can play NT when I must. All my life I learn how to do it the best. And I see my progress.