Asperger's: is it going to be worse with age?

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You are welcome.

That could be the reason. Many people find they are getting more autistic after diagnosis and also experience depression and anxiety.

At first it's happiness: "I finally know why I struggled my whole life and I can develop proper strategies and get some treatment to make my life better".

But after 1-2 years another realization comes: "Not much have changed. I know what is wrong with me but it's not helping. I am not getting the help I were hoping for. I must deal with everything by myself. I know my needs and struggles, I know what makes me feel better - but noone but me can fulfill them. Other people don't realize, don't believe, don't know how, don't care. Our needs clash. And I don't want to bother them. I am an intruder in NT world."

I experienced it too. Or rather still experience, but it's getting better. I were diagnosed when I were 25. Now I am 29. Previous year was one big depression for me. It's getting better since a few months though. When I finally decided to "be selfish", get some help instead of struggling alone as well as... test my limits and break through(Frozen anyone? ). I move on and step away, repeatably. Trying different approaches to life.

Anyway. Sleeping 3 to 4 hours a day is definitely not helping you. I know alone time is important but getting enough sleep at night is important too. If I don't get my 6-8h of sleep my sensory issues get much worse and I just don't feel like playing NT games.
Either change your working times or go to sleep early and get alone time in the morning, practice multi sleep so you sleep in the afternoon and are awake 11-2 or get a room and set a dad alone time.

Dear Kiriae,
I think this is perhaps the origin of my feelings. I didn't expected help from others when I knew I have Asperger's. I did expected being finally able to solve my ever lasting problems by myself... At the beginning, I had impression that by knowing the origin of the problem, it would be easier to find a solution. But now (indeed) I realize that not much have changed = I wasn't able to change a lot as expected.

And now when you write about it, I realize that I am upset against myself. I couldn't solve what I wanted to solve. And as the most important was to find a solution not to help myself but mainly to help indirectly those I love, the feeling of failiure is even worse

Pfff... Now, I have to decide what's better: 1) continue and try harder or 2) take some break in my quest for looking like NT.

Thanks for your interesting message!

This describes exactly what I've been feeling, six months after diagnosis.
Also, it's so frustrating that after decades of dealing with my ASD - developing coping strategies and work-arounds - all it takes is a small change at work to throw me off, and I have to re-work my strategies all over again. It just never ends
But at least with the diagnosis I feel more able to explain my issues and seek help.

AS part of me

"These can be migitated to varying degrees by experience, learning how to do things smarter, and a more balanced approach to life caused by “seen that, done that”.[/quote]



Every situation is different.

Someone had the nerve to tell me off for knocking on the bathroom door. Someone else had the nerve to tell me off for failure to knock. It was the same bathroom. At different times

The former boss had the nerve to tell me "what you just write down?", When I took notes at a job interview. Someone else had the nerve to tell me to take notes. At the same job

Not everyone wants the same thing

Pattern recognition is necessary, but too much pattern recognition becomes globalization

They acted like they expected me to be telepathic

it's almost always better to knock before you go into a bathroom.

If you don't knock, you might walk in on somebody "doing their business."

Yeah...I know what you mean about "damned if you do, damned if you don't.

My wife does that to me all the time.

As I am getting older, it appears that the number of social rejections I get is plummeting

However I am too cowardly and lazy to initiate social interactions

And I often avoid someone that tries to start interacting with me

It just seems like, the best case scenario is, whooptie do . And the worst case scenario is, subject to imagination

And I am lazy and scared

And apathetic

The solar system contains a lot more cisgender neurotypicals than someone similar to me, so it feels like, they will always overpower me because they outnumber me.

The statement in the preceding paragraph is not "always" true. But there are very few exception

Many times someone acts like they are the exception, but they are not

Big egoed



But even when it is an exception, is it worth the effort?

Usually not

I didn't wanted to launch a depressive topic But I succeeded - as always

So one real life case for fun: there were a pack of biscuits in the kitchen at work. I was going to the kitchen for a coffee and one colleague asks me: "could you please bring me 2 or 3 biscuits?" I say, "of course, no problem". Then, as I am (IMHO) quite generous, I tell myself, "better bring him three than only two, he will be happy"...

I come to my collegue with the 3 bisquits and he stares at me telling: "oh, how avaricious you are!" Asperger's alarm starts to shout in my head. WTF??? I took my courage and asked him why he was telling that. His answer: "I thought you would bring a dozen of biscuits!"

Berserk

It sounds strange. Two or three does not mean a dozen.

A dozen biscuits sounds like a lot to eat, between meals. Unless the biscuits were small or the speaker had a magic metabolism.

How many total biscuits were there?

Is it common to eat a dozen biscuits?

Besides if you brought him too many, wouldn't he have had to take them home or trash them? (Germs)

It were small ones, like 3*3*0.5 cm... So eat 10 of them within an hour isn't impossible.

Afterwards, someone told me that: I have to take it from other way - if he would said "one biscuit", everybody would understand one. Saying "dozen of biscuits" sounds as the person asking is glutton. So he asks for somerhing in between expecting that I understand that he wants more but usually, no one should ask for more...

Do you follow??
And then, the NT people think that Asperger's are bizarre

No I do not follow

If someone wanted three biscuits, how does someone ask for that?

And if asking for a dozen biscuits makes the speaker look like a "glutton", then why did the speaker just not get them himself? Wait for a time when nobody is waiting, and then sneak them?

Unless of course, you know the speaker from previous interactions and worked out a particular code language

And you were doing him a favor

If he wanted more biscuits he could have gotten them himself

Unless of course, in the country you live in, that is some sort of idiom

Don't try to understand, they are just typical neurotypicals

Ha

A couple years ago, a former "friend" went to the women's bathroom, while I went to the men's bathroom. Barely sat down when she phoned me to tell me that she was going to the bookstore next door.

The bathroom was not large or crowded. She could have just opened the door and told me.

It's not like she had to go inside the men's bathroom

She did the same thing with an outhouse

And I was the only one in there

I asked why she didn't just go in there

She said that she didn't want to intrude on my privacy

But I would much rather have that, than for her to phone me

And I told her but she was not willing call change





Technology is sometimes the best or only option. (Fine). However, sometimes there are easier methods without technology


Does that make sense to you?

After numerous missed connections and etiquette violations, I finally dumped her as a "friend"

But she still acts like she is perfect

Two years ago she saw me at the mall, and she had the nerve to ask "are you still mad at me?"

"Mad" is not an emotion. "Angry" is an emotion. The word "mad" has a negative connotation, in that it sounds like nobody should ever be "mad"

But sometimes anger is justified

For myself, I'm the same person I've always been. My AS mentality has never really changed. However, the way the world perceives me and my ability to cope with the NT world have changed enormously.

Until I was maybe 30, I was visibly, obviously "different". Eventually, I managed, through much practice, to gain enough social and life skills to "pass" for NT, which changed my outward life for the better: I got good academic jobs, got married, etc.

But for the past three years, this has reversed--not because I've become more autistic, but because my life has become much more complicated and demanding. I'm now the sole parent of two small boys 87% of the time (my wife is usually in in other countries), I'm doing non-ideal work with a complex and frequently changing schedule, and for the first time, I have no other adult living with me full-time.

The result is that I'm overwhelmed and exhausted. I can't manage to do simple things like pay the bills, be in the right place at the right time, or keep my AS traits from surfacing in public. All of which led me to finally seek an official diagnosis last year.

So, no, my ASD has not gotten worse. Yes, my interface with the NT world has gotten worse. But this is all due to changes in my life circumstances.

Impatience gets worst in most people as they age because time is running out. This becomes a multiplier of Aspergers for me. Even if it doesn't happen to you, it is something you may have to guard against.

Impatience and anxiousness has always been a problem for me as well. Add to that mix the fact that I have ADHD and OCD and you're looking at a guy that has absolutely no self-restraint or patience for anyone or anything. Most days I feel like a firecracker in a bottle.